


Petrichor

by abnegative



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:40:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 62,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22970383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abnegative/pseuds/abnegative
Summary: 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺?𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘮𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 (𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬)𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺'𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘘𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐'𝘮 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯' 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐'𝘮 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘦, 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘐 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵Minghao has been alone way too long. It isn’t easy raising his son by himself but he’s always just got it done. When he decides it’s time to go back to work his world starts to expand and he has to deal with letting new people into his life and into his heart.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 154
Kudos: 549





	1. Chapter 1

_ Parched and dry beneath soft steps _

_ It raises with every step _

_ There’s something elusive in the air _

_ Intangible threads of monotonous days faded _

_ Waiting and left wasted behind _

_ The tension builds at reckless speed _

_ Like an imperishable wall grinding everything  _

_ To a sudden and requisite halt _

_ Filling the atmosphere with anticipation  _

_ The density and winsome wildness waits _

_ Sending everything into a frenzy _

_ Hearts open and eyes close _

_ Because after the long dry drought _

_ After the heart gives up its wilful defiance _

_ After the drought comes the flooding rain _


	2. Chapter 2

The light had turned golden and Minghao walked over to the window to pull the curtains open wider. The spill across his canvas changed the textures and hues of his work and made him see the shapes and forms with fresh eyes. He smiled as he picked up his pallet and added a few strokes before his peace was shattered.

“Hello?” he said into the phone and a broad grin crossed his face. He listened and nodded before agreeing. It was what he wanted for a while and it would mean a regular paycheck and the stability he’d been craving for so long. It was time anyway, He knew that, his friends had been telling him forever, and he’d just have to deal with the separation. He couldn’t work from home forever.

“Daddy!” Yun chose the perfect moment to crash his way in through the half open door. “You slept for a long time!” Minghao cooed at the chubby toddler as he picked him up and cuddled him close. “I’m hungry!” he cried out as his arms wrapped around his daddy’s neck and his legs kicked in the air. Minghao gave one last loving look at the soft glowing light and sighed in resignation. Looks like it was time for yet another early dinner.

“I got it,” Minghao said as he opened the door with Yun tucked under one arm. “That’s great!” His best friend Mingyu smiled with his trademark pointed teeth. His friend made it a habit to call past on his way home a few times a week and it was always appreciated.

Mingyu was now a fashion designer in his own right but in his former career he’d modelled for the art classes Minghao took back at University where they struck up an instant connection. He’d been there for him through it all and Minghao didn’t know where he’d be without his best friend. And he was still coming through for him after all these years.

It was Mingyu who recommended Minghao to the art gallery owner for the combined curator / artist in residence position. “You did say yes, right?” He took Yun from Minghao’s arms and the tired toddler snuggled into his Uncle’s chest. “Yeah I did.” Minghao knew it was time and he wanted the money. Working from home in his studio, selling what he could when he could; it had worked for the last three years just fine. However, it was time for more. More for the both of them. 

Minghao needed to get back out into the world and Yun needed to expand his world to more than his Daddy and his Uncle, their tiny little home and trips to the park, he needed structure and socialisation and real learning experiences. Minghao wasn’t sure he was providing enough of that any more.

“We both need it,” Minghao walked into the bathroom and Mingyu followed him. “You do,” Mingyu agreed. Minghao ran the water and Yun begged for bubbles and Mingyu tipped way too much bubble bath into the tub. “Where are you going to take him?” “I don’t know yet,” Minghao pulled the t-shirt over his little son’s head and tossed it towards the overflowing washing basket. “I’d like to find a day-care close to here; he’ll need to go three days a week. The hours are Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and Saturday mornings and Joshua and Seokmin have already offered to have him on Saturdays.” 

Mingyu nodded knowingly. The golden couple of their friends group had recently moved in together after a long and sickeningly glowing courtship and it made sense they were excited to play house. Mingyu lifted Yun into the tub and began to wash his hair as Minghao took advantage of the help and began to scoop the laundry scattered all over the floor up and into the basket. “Can you watch him?” he asked and Mingyu nodded as he made Yun a shampoo Mohawk.

Minghao tossed shirts and shorts and tiny socks into the machine as his mind wandered. He was dying to get back into the real world. He’d been on his own since Yun was six months old, just the two of them against the world, and time was slowly healing the pain. 

She hadn’t contacted them since Yun’s second birthday. Minghao didn’t even know where she was. Last he heard she was pursuing an acting career but he hadn’t seen her in anything so it wasn’t going how she hoped. 

As he poured the flowery scented liquid in the machine and turned it on he wondered if it was worth it to her. To throw them away, to throw her baby son away like he was nothing, and shivered. It was rare that his mind went to these dark places but sometimes he couldn’t help it. She should be there, talking about day-care and preschools, helping him chose what was best for their son.

No, Minghao shook his head, my son.

“Do you want me to come with you when you go and look around?” Mingyu asked and, despite knowing it wasn’t his responsibility, Minghao nodded. He didn’t want to do it alone. Everything was so hard alone. He loved Yun more than life but, even with Mingyu’s constant support and their close group of friends, it wasn’t the same. Every time Yun cried in the night it was him. Every time he screamed for things at the supermarket, every time he didn’t want to go to bed, every battle over vegetables and toys and getting in the car seat. Three years of doing it on his own and he was tired. So tired. He was tired and lonely and didn’t want to make this huge decision alone.

“When are you going to look around?” “Tomorrow,” Minghao lifted Yun out and into a thick fluffy towel. He tried to dry him off but the laughing toddler ran away from his arms and Minghao stood slowly to follow him into the living room. “They want me to start as soon as possible.” “I’m flexible tomorrow,” Mingyu said as he let the water out and began tidying the bathroom and Minghao wanted to hug him. “I’ll come and pick you guys up abut eleven? We can go and check out the places with vacancies.”

Minghao somehow captured the slippery child and got him into some pyjamas and it was finally bedtime. “Kiss Uncle Gyu,” he said and the little boy reached out to kiss his uncle on the cheek. “Baba?” he asked and Minghao sighed. “Fine.” 

He handed him to Mingyu and went to the kitchen to fill the bottle with milk. He knew he was too old for it but he was so tired he couldn’t be bothered fighting with him. Yun had woken up at 6am on the dot and Minghao had used his naptime to try and get some work done on his current piece and now he was exhausted. He heated the milk and carried it back towards the living room to collect his son who was nestled in Mingyu’s lap.

“Story time Uncle Gyu!” he chirped as he clung to Mingyu’s neck. “Uncle Gyu’s had enough, let him go,” Minghao reached out for him but the baby clung tighter and Mingyu just took the bottle. “Its fine,” he said as he stood up. “Go take a shower or something.” 

A shower without the prying eyes and lack of boundaries of a three year old sounded amazing and Minghao’s pride tumbled immediately. He stood under the hot water as long as his conscience let him before he got out to dry himself off. Dressed in warm sweats and feeling a little less tired he walked out to find Mingyu doing his dishes and he held back a choked sob. 

“I don’t deserve you,” he said softly as he tried to take the dishcloth from his hands but Mingyu just pushed him away. “You deserve al the help you can get. I’m your best friend. I don’t mind helping out here and there.” “Is Yun asleep?” As soon as Mingyu nodded Minghao went to the cupboard and found a bottle of red and popped the cork. “You want a glass?” he said and Mingyu shook his head. “I can’t. I’ve got my car.” 

Minghao nodded and took the glass and the whole bottle to the coffee table and switched the TV on. “Thanks,” he said again as he snuggled up under a thick fluffy rug and Mingyu grabbed his keys from the table near the door of the small home. “See you tomorrow,” he said and left as Minghao was drinking down his huge glass of wine alone.


	3. Chapter 3

“Where? Where are we going? Where?” Yun chirped happily as his chubby legs swung back and forth. Seokmin and Joshua had gifted him the cutest little Nike sneakers for his third birthday but they packed a punch when they hit Minghao’s body and he tried to distance himself as he secured the straps of his car seat. “Where? Where Daddy? Where Daddy where? Where we going?”

“You want to go to school?” Minghao asked and his little son smiled a dazzling smile at him before frowning. “Daddy come too?” his bottom teeth peeked out of his mouth as he clutched tightly to his stuffed cat and Minghao wanted to throw it out of the window. Yun’s mother had send it for his second birthday and, much to Minghao’s disappointment, the little boy had instantly clung to it.

“Daddy will come today.” Minghao didn’t want to lie to him. He wasn’t sure how he would go being separated from him but he would cross that bridge when he came to it. First he had to find the right place.

The closest place on the list was very modern looking. A young woman greeted them and sprouted off about an impressive early mathematics program and introduction to STEM. “These are their coding bracelets,” she said as she showed a bracelet with patterns on it and Minghao side eyed Mingyu. The other shook his head as the woman described set meal times, progress meetings, and their high success rate of entry into schools of parent’s preference. “Thanks for your time,” Minghao said as Yun clung to his neck and the three made their way back to the car.

“Absolutely not,” Minghao said and Mingyu nodded his agreement.

The second place was worse. The floor looked dirty and, while Minghao was never super neat or fastidious in his home, Mingyu was. The taller could barely contain his shudder of disgust as they watched a man wash the faces of six children with the same washcloth. “We need to leave,” Mingyu hissed under his breath and Minghao didn’t even bother making excuses.. “No, no, no,” Mingyu said when they got back into the car. “Agreed,” Minghao said without hesitation.

“This is the cheapest place on the list,” Minghao said as they sat in the car outside the third centre. “I can see why,” Mingyu said. They didn’t bother going inside. They just drove off.

The fourth place looked promising. “This one is the second most expensive,” Minghao said as he leaned in to get Yun out again. “I’m tired,” the little boy whined and kicked his legs and Minghao tried to shush him a little. He cuddled him closer but Yun whined until Mingyu took him and lifted him high into his arms. The place was beautiful, a neat front entrance hiding a surprisingly open space inside and as soon as they walked in they were met at this door.

“Hi, I’m Soonyoung the centre director,” the man was smiling cutely as he held his hand out to shake. He had floppy blonde hair and a tshirt covered in tigers. He held his hand towards Mingyu who tried to shake it. “I’m Minghao,” Minghao held his hand out and the man turned to him immediately. “So sorry, I just assumed....” Minghao shook his hand. “It’s fine.” 

“You must be Yun,” he said to the boy who his his face in Mingyu’s neck. “Would you like to play while I talk to Daddy?” Another man appeared, dressed head to toe in the colours of the rainbow, and held his arms out towards Yun. “I’m Hansol,” he said. “We have water toys outside if you want to come and see...”

Minghao watched his son frown, then think hard, then smile as he unwrapped himself from Mingyu’s neck. “Māo Māo!” he cried out as the toy cat tumbled from his grip and Hansol picked it up and took the boy from Mingyu.

“He’ll be fine,” Soonyoung waves any concern away with his hand as he led them through the centre. “We have a multilingual Centre here,” Soonyoung had picked up on Yun’s name for his toy. “Hansol speaks English and we also have another staff member who speaks Mandarin and Cantonese...” 

Mingyu’s eyes flicked over to Minghao who smiled at him. This was much more promising. A story time area was filled with soft blankets and bean bags giving off a warm feeling. Soonyoung showed them an open area with birds painted on the walls and explained their focus on creative arts. “We have dance and music every day and the children just love it.”

They walked outside to find six children standing at easels in the shade while another ten or so were gathered around a big table filled with water. A man with soft dark hair and a bright gummy smile was supervising the easels. Minghao watched as one little girl tossed her brush aside, smushed her chubby hand into the paint, and pressed it into her artwork. The man supervising smiled and praised her and washed her hand clean like it was no big deal at all.

Minghao liked it here.

He barely noticed Yun in the middle of the children gathered around the water table. There were so many and in the middle of them was one man, tall and pretty, smiling widely as he helped them pour water into the various fountains and water mills. He seemed complete unperturbed by the shrieks of the delighted children splashing their hands and toys into the water.

Minghao watched him splash and play, talking loudly and making all the kids laugh along with him, his expressions swinging wildly across his handsome face. His looks were stunning but Minghao couldn’t help but laugh a little as he watched him interact with the children. He seemed a little goofy and over the top. Mingyu chuckled beside him and whispered “Check out that guy. Ridiculous...” 

“That’s Junhui. He’s.....” Soonyoung searches for the right word. “He’s very unique. He has a lot of energy and the kids just love him. He’s the man I mentioned before that speaks Mandarin and Cantonese.”

Unique, Minghao thought, exhausting sounds more like it.

“So,” Mingyu turned to Soonyoung as they stood outside in the sun, “this seems like a great place. Why do you have vacancies?” Minghao elbowed him in the side but Soonyoung just steered them back towards the door. “That’s a good question. We are very relaxed here and it’s not a good fit for parents who want a more serious and formal preschool experience. We don’t have a strict early learning curriculum and focus instead on the arts. We let the children call us by our first names and decide what they want to do for the day.” 

He smiled at both men as they walked into the lunchroom. “Also we have an all male staff. That’s very unconventional.” 

Minghao watched a man lay out big plates of fruit and cheese and tiny sandwiches. “This is Seungkwan and he’s our number one nursery rhyme singer!” The man blushed but smiled widely at them. “After lunch Seungkwan sings and then it’s nap time. Anyone who doesn’t want to sleep can stay with Seungkwan and sing songs and listen to stories.”

“Minghao can I stay here and sing songs and take a nap?” Mingyu asked. They all laughed but Minghao thought it sounded great as well. This place was awesome.

“Okay, I’m totally sold,” Minghao smiled at Soonyoung. “Can we do the paperwork please?” “There’s one more thing we have to do first,” Soonyoung led the way back to the yard where they found Yun splashing in the water while the man called Junhui held his toy cat away from the water.

“Yun, time to go,” Minghao held his arms out and the little boy shirked away. “No, not go, I wanna stay and play....” “Yun,” Minghao said, his tone slightly irritated, as he moved to pick up the child. He hated Yun acting up in public. He always had this paranoia that because he was a single father people would assume he was a terrible parent. Unfounded but still always worrying away in the back of his mind.

Yun shied away again and before he could grab him the man Soonyoung called Junhui dropped to his knees to placate the little boy. 

“I’m sure if you listen to Daddy now you’ll be able to come and play again.” Junhui spoke softly and held the cat toy out towards him and Yun smiled his chubby cheeked grin. “Māo Māo,” he grabbed it with both fists and Junhui’s face lit up. “Oh,” he smiled at Minghao before turning back to Yun. “Come and play with me soonxiāo Yun,” he said softly in mandarin and Yun’s face lit up with delight. “Daddy!” he ran and pressed himself into Minghao’s legs, “Daddy that man knows our other language!”

“Would you like to come here and play with us Yun?” Soonyoung asked the boy with all the sincerity of a man speaking with another adult. “Can I bring Māo Māo?” he asked, dark eyes blinking up at Soonyoung and the man smiled kindly at him. “Of course.”

“Take him please?” Minghao scooped Yun up in his arms and passed him over to Mingyu before following Soonyoung into the office. 

“I like it here,” Yun chirped as he patted Mingyu on the cheek with one hand. The other clutched tightly around his little stuffed cat as his legs swung freely and Mingyu cuddles him closer. “That’s good,” he said, “your Daddy needs to get out more.”


	4. Chapter 4

“This one?” Yun picked up a shiny pink backpack with a cartoonish looking kitten on it. “Really? That one?” Minghao scowled a little at the garish design. “What’s wrong with that one?” Mingyu laughed from the other end of the aisle. “You aren’t projecting your own outdated gender norms onto your son are you?” Minghao shook his head. “It’s just ugly, that’s all, I don’t care if it’s pink or has kittens.” “Then let him choose what he wants.”

Minghao watched Mingyu, one of Seoul’s most popular up and coming fashion designers, casually browse a rack of cheap PVC raincoats. “Does he really need all of this stuff?” “Yes.” Minghao was steadfast. “There’s a whole list Soonyoung emailed to me.” Minghao held Yun’s hand tightly while his other clutched his phone with the list. 

“Spare clothes, rain wear, lunchbox, water bottle, nap mat, towel and facecloth…” he read them all out and sighed at the dent it was going to make in his wallet. He wasn’t sure if he could even afford all this stuff. He dropped the backpack into the cart and lifted Yun to sit in the front as he tried again to avoid his wildly swinging feet.

“Do you need me to lend you money?” Mingyu appeared beside him with a sky blue towel and face washer set. “No way,” Minghao shook his head as he pushed the cart along the aisle. His pride would always win out. He’d been doing everything for Yun since just after his first birthday. Everything. She’d sent one meagre cheque six months after she left, then the cat for his second birthday, then nothing. Nothing in almost two years. 

It didn’t matter. They had each other and Minghao was determined to provide everything Yun needed.

“I’m buying this though. You can’t refuse a gift.” Mingyu held tight to the yellow raincoat and white gumboots covered in yellow ducks. “I can,” Minghao tried to reach for it but Mingyu used his superior size to his advantage and dangled it high in the air. “It’s not your gift. Yun, you want Uncle to buy this for you?” he waved it around and Yun nodded and smiled. “Fine,” Minghao said with a pout. “You’re making such a scene….”

“Do you have things, you know…’ Mingyu asked quietly as they walked towards the checkout. “Yes,” Minghao snapped quickly but he knew what Mingyu was talking about. He’d been living in the same few pairs of paint-splattered overalls and Timberlands for the last three years and it had never been an issue. He had a few things that were still decent, a pair of black skinny jeans that were a little faded, a few plain white button up shirts that would be okay. 

It couldn’t be helped. He only had enough money for the things on the list and would have to wait until he got paid to get himself a few new things to wear to work. “Let’s go past my office on the way home,” Mingyu said and Minghao shook his head but Mingyu was driving and took them there anyway.

“I really appreciate it,” Minghao said quietly as he picked at a single French fry. Yun had long abandoned his nuggets to play in the McDonalds playground and, even though he was usually grossed out by the thought, today Minghao couldn’t be bothered arguing. “No problems!” Mingyu snatched a French fry and dipped it into his ice cream before munching away happily. “What good is it being friends with a designer if you can’t get some free clothes every now and then.” 

Minghao stared blankly into his meal. He knew they weren’t really free. They’d cost Mingyu time, materials and wages, but he was grateful. At least he’d be able to fake some confidence when he started his first day. “How do you feel?” Mingyu asked, his natural empathy making him simultaneously the best and most annoying friend Minghao had ever had. Mingyu could see right through his dour mood and wouldn’t let him not talk about it. “I’m okay I guess. The centre seems really good and, god knows, I need to get out of the house…..”

Minghao’s voice trailed off as he got a little sad. “I’ve been his everything for so long. Almost three years. Now he’s going out into the world and I don’t know how to feel about it.” Mingyu reached out and patted the back of his hand. “It’s just an adjustment Hao. You will both get used to it. And, you’re right, you both need to get out. When was the last time you went on a date?”

Minghao shook his head and shrugged. He couldn’t remember. He’d been asked out a few times but women usually ran a mile when they heard the words ‘single father’. Especially at his young age. He’d only been 21 when Yun was born and had struggled through his last year of university with a new baby and a partner barely hanging on. He graduated and a month later she left them. It was as raw and real as if it was just yesterday.

“No one wants to date me. And I’d never let anyone near Yun unless they were something special.” Minghao ate the French fry he’d been toying with for five minutes and took a deep drink from his Sprite. “What about you? You never have dates either!” he kicked out at his friend under the table and Mingyu stole another fry from his tray. “For your information I’m very busy. I also have a date tomorrow night.” 

Minghao couldn’t hide his surprise. Mingyu was very busy but never too busy to help him out and he pushed the guilt down a little deeper and gave his friend a wide smile. “Really? What is she like? One of your models no doubt….” “Actually it’s a he and he’s not a model. He’s an author and we met last week at that event I told you about. Remember, the one held by that magazine, the stupid ’hot 30 under 30’ thing?” Minghao nodded vaguely but in reality he had no idea. He was constantly tired and Mingyu talked a lot so things were bound to slip past him.

“A guy?” he repeated and Mingyu nodded. “Yep, prettier than any model I’ve ever seen, he’s tall and gorgeous and so smart I can almost hear him thinking…” “That doesn’t sound like your type,” Minghao said, more thrown by the fact his friend was dating someone smart rather than someone male. Mingyu had a past history of churning through pretty models and even a B grade actress or two but never really settling down with any of them. “Well my type hasn’t really worked out too well for me in the past has it?” Minghao shook his head in agreement. No one had held his friends interest for more than a few weeks.

A writer, probably intelligent and handsome and well connected, Minghao had to admit he was a little jealous. He’d never pictured Mingyu with a guy though and the idea unsettled him more than he wanted to think about. He wasn’t sure why. He decided quickly that it was just a hint of jealousy, of a new man coming into Mingyu’s life and, probably, becoming more important than him. The thought pained him and he pushed it deep down under the layers of guilt and loneliness and forced himself to smile at his best friend.

“Are okay?” Mingyu began to pack their mess up on the trays as Yun came running towards them from the slide. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Minghao asked a little sharply. He scooped Yun up and didn’t escape those swinging sneakers this time as they pelted his thighs like tiny hammers. “I don’t know. You seem a little weird.” Mingyu diligently packed up every scrap of rubbish and carefully binned it all despite how disgusting the rest of the outdoor eating area was. Minghao found some sanitising wipes and washed Yun’s hands clean. He hated how black and dirty his hands always were after playing in the McDonalds playground. It was so gross.

Minghao snuggled Yun closer to him as he carried him out to the car. How could he explain to his best friend that too much was changing and it made him feel vulnerable in a way he hadn’t for a long time?

Minghao had walls, they were steel and stone and strong, and he was never letting anyone in. He spent way to much time and energy building them up to protect himself, and his son, and he wasn’t going to watch them come crashing down around him.


	5. Chapter 5

It was the first day for both of them. Minghao decided to get up extra early, feed and dress Yun, then get ready himself. He wanted to look neat and clean and put together when he arrived. He also did not want to start his first day off with porridge on his pants or toothpaste in his hair. It seemed like a foolproof plan.

In hindsight, it wasn’t such a good idea. Yun clearly hadn’t had enough sleep. He complained about his breakfast, whining for Nutella on toast instead of porridge and apple, wanting juice instead of milk. Minghao knew what the childcare staff would think of him if Yun proudly told them all about his propensity for a sugar-laden breakfast. 

After arguing with him for longer than he intended he finally gave up and put him on the couch with a juice box. He dressed the boy in his clothes in the living area where the heating was better and as soon as he was done Yun squeezed the juice box making little yellow drops spray all over his t-shirt. Minghao sighed and held back his frustrations. He switched some cartoons on to keep Yun in one spot while he went and got another t-shirt. 

He walked into the little boy’s room and blinked back tears as he found another one and just stood for a few minutes to gather his breath.

When he walked back out into the living area he found Yun seated next to a grinning Mingyu on the couch. Mingyu gestured to a takeaway coffee cup on the table and Minghao grabbed it gratefully before inhaling the rich soothing scent. “Why are you here?” he asked and Mingyu smiled. “Wouldn’t miss the first day!” “Thank you,” Minghao said with sincerity. He handed Mingyu the clean t-shirt to deal with Yun and went to take a very necessary shower.

“Yes!” Yun held tight to the stuffed cat he adored and Minghao shook his head. “No. What if he gets dirty or lost?” “I want to take him!” Yun stamped his feet and scowled and clutched the cat closer to his chest. “You can’t take the cat.” Minghao’s hands were on his hips as he faced off against his tiny son.

“Hey,” Mingyu moved between them and crouched down to the little boys level. “Yun, Daddy’s in a bad mood today because he’s scared of his first day at work. Maybe Mao Mao could go with him to his new job and keep him company. Then he’ll be safe from all the other children.” Yun stared at his daddy, then down at the toy cat in his arms, then back up at Minghao. “Okay, here Daddy…” he held his precious cat out and Minghao took it from him. “I’ll keep him safe for you. I promise.”

“So,” Minghao said when they were finally all seated in Mingyu’s car, “how was your date. I’m guessing it went well by the fact that I didn’t see you all weekend.” “Well……” Mingyu was practically glowing, “since you asked, it went very well. I took him to that Italian restaurant by the river, the one that’s always booked. Lucky for me I did a last minute commission for the owner’s daughter last year for an awards show. Wonwoo’s a picky eater so Italian was a good choice. He really enjoyed it and so did I. We had so much to talk about….”

A sick feeling swelled in Minghao’s stomach. He hadn’t eaten in a restaurant since Mingyu took him out for his birthday the year before; unless you counted McDonalds. Which he defiantly did not. He sat and listened to Mingyu wax on about candlelight and rich chocolatey desserts, walking by the river afterwards, a first kiss in the shadow of the fading cherry blossoms.

“So, then, of course we went back to my place. Minghao, oh my god, you wouldn’t believe how good he-“ Minghao’s hand clamped over his mouth and Mingyu choked a little before his eyes widened with the realisation Yun was on the backseat. “Oh, sorry….” He smirked, determined to finish his story.

“So, this guy, Wonwoo…” he smiled at Minghao with mischief in his eyes. “Well not only is he gorgeous and so smart but he’s very very good at…….. Colouring.” “So you already coloured together?” Minghao tried to hide the judgement in his voice but Mingyu’s enthusiasm wasn’t dampened. “Yeah, we sure did, now I’m a bit of an experienced colourer…” 

Minghao wanted to interrupt and tell him that wasn’t a word but the man was on a roll. “But like, I’ve never coloured with a guy before, I mean I’ve done stuff, but like never….” His eyes took on a wistful gaze as he turned off the highway and onto a quiet street. “Well it was the best colouring ever. We coloured all weekend and, seriously, we used every colour in the box Minghao.” 

“Don’t you think you’re rushing into things?” Minghao turned away to look out the window. He couldn’t meet Mingyu’s eyes because he knew exactly what he was going to say. “Hey, don’t judge me,” Mingyu’s voice rose a little higher than he expected. “Maybe it’s time you got out and found someone to colour with.” 

“I can’t and you know that,” Minghao sulked. He hated arguing with Mingyu especially when he knew his best friend was right. “Why not? You know I’ll always help out with babysitting and Joshua and Seokmin are climbing the walls to play happy families. You can’t keep using him as an excuse.”

The last sentence was a whisper and Minghao couldn’t even deny it. “I’m not saying you need to go out and get all domestic with someone. But come on, you like colouring. Everyone likes colouring and you haven’t had anyone to colour in with for a long time.” “Just leave it please,” Minghao sniffed and Mingyu’s expression softened. “You’re allowed to have a life.” “I have a life and I’m happy the way it is. I don’t need anyone to colour with. I can colour just fine all by myself.”

They drove the rest of the way in silence.

“Yay!” Yun piped up from the backseat when he saw the high gates of the childcare centre. “I remember this place!” He kicked his legs while he waited for Mingyu to pull him from his car seat. The tall man hoisted him up onto his shoulders and Minghao grabbed his backpack and his nap mat and they made their way inside.

“Master Yun!” The man with the bright smile greeted them at the door when Mingyu put him on the ground. Minghao frowned, he hadn’t been introduced to him the other day, but he remembered the Director referring to him as Junhui. “Welcome! We are going to have a lot of fun today! Do you like to dance?” Yun’s eyes widened as Mingyu’s squinted in confusion and it took a few seconds for Minghao to realise the teacher was speaking to his son in Mandarin. “Daddy! This man knows our language!” Yun said brightly as he jumped up and down and pulled on Minghao’s hand. “Hi, I’m Wen Junhui, but just Jun is fine,” the man held his hand out and shook Minghao’s then Mingyu’s. “Mandarin is okay? I also know Cantonese if you would prefer.” “Mandarin is fine,” Minghao smiled at the man and he smiled back. “Korean for him,” his eyes indicated Mingyu and he watched a thousand expressions dance across Junhui’s features.

He was a little taller than Minghao but not as tall as Mingyu. He was unsettlingly good looking, his face balancing right on the precipice between handsome and beautiful, his eyes soft and kind and sparking with a discernible mischief. “Come on then A-Yun!” He held his hand out and the little boy took it willingly leaving Minghao and Mingyu to trail behind them.

They put his backpack on the designated hook, already decorated with his name surrounded by clouds, and Minghao wondered at the picture. Junhui, the only Chinese staff member, must have made this for his son. It was a nice way of welcoming him. There was something about the reference to his name’s meaning that touched Minghao deeply. It gave him a sense of being welcomed and valued. He hung the bag and stared a little too long at the blue nametag with white clouds surrounding the characters and when he looked up they were already dancing. Junhui was alive with expression, free and easy with his smiles, laughter whirling in his eyes at every single moment. It made Minghao feel uncomfortable. He couldn’t imagine being so free with his emotions and generous with his smiles. He found comfort in being selfish and guarded. It was safer this way. No one could get hurt.

“Imagine having to do this for a job,” Minghao whispered conceitedly to Mingyu as he watched the man and the little boy play. “Doesn’t seem so bad to me,” Mingyu replied as they watched the teacher doing what looked like an animal dance and Yun trying to follow along. “Is he supposed to be a cat?” Minghao’s expression was barely veiled ridicule as Mingyu poked him in the side. “Don’t be rude. Yun is enjoying it.” He was right. The little boy’s face was alight with joy as he laughed and followed along with the song about a cat with its childish mandarin lyrics.

“Daddy,” Yun was suddenly clutching his hand and jumping up and down. “Jun-ge taught me a song about Mao Mao! I should have brought him with me today!” He pulled Minghao’s arm and dragged him closer to the teacher who was waiting to take Yun outside. “Jun loves cats! He has a real one at home! I wanna see the real cat Daddy can we get one or can we go visit Jun-ge and see his real cat?” 

“Yun, don’t speak so familiarly with the teacher,” Minghao blushed at his son’s directness but Junhui just grinned. “It’s fine, really, I like the children to be comfortable with me. Come on Yun,” Junhui reached out to take Yun’s hand. “Time to say goodbye to Daddy and we can make him a present while he’s at work.”

Minghao wasn’t quite ready but he knew it was time. “Bye bye. Have a good day.” He wrapped his arms around the little boy and held him a little too tight and a little too long. “Come on,” Mingyu put a hand on his shoulder and Minghao finally let go. “See you after Yun! Wanna go out for McDonalds tonight?” Minghao groaned but Yun jumped up and down. “Yes please!” Mingyu smirked knowing he’d won. 

He put an arm around Minghao’s shoulders and led him gently towards the door. He was trying to be strong but it was still terrifying, saying goodbye and putting him in the hands of strangers, but he knew it had to be done. Minghao walked out and closed the door behind him and it took every single ounce of willpower not to look back.


	6. Chapter 6

“We have five babies today,” Soonyoung said as he eyed the group of men still in the staff room, “we need two in the infant room.” “Me!” Seungcheol said brightly as he packed his lunch away. “Any other takers?” Soonyoung eyed the room and fixated on Jihoon. “Your turn,” he said and the blond haired man looked around. “I wanted to do music today in the toddler room. Where’s Junhui? He’s good with the babies.” “Junhui’s busy today. We have a new kid and he’s Chinese so Junhui is going to be in charge of helping him settle in.” “Fine,” Jihoon swallowed down the last of his coffee and dropped the mug in the sink. “I guess I’m on babies.”

“Did you see them?” Hansol laughed and Seungkwan blushed. “Who?’ “You know who I’m talking about!” He grabbed a huge bottle filled with an unidentifiable green juice and began to sip it. “The Daddies. The ones that were here last week.” “The tall one is gorgeous….” Soonyoung smiled wistfully, “but they’re gone. So get to work.”

He sent Seungcheol and Jihoon to the infant room where Chan was waiting. “Here,” he handed an armful of baby over to Seungcheol. “The others haven’t arrived yet. I’m doing sand play this morning.” He walked out leaving Seungcheol and Jihoon to get the room ready for a day of feeding, rocking, playing and hopefully long quiet naps. The infant room was a special skill set and Seungcheol was the expert. 

Jihoon preferred the toddler room, his specialty was the piano and the guitar, songs and stories set to music. Sometimes he would play the piano and Junhui would lead the dance to whatever Jihoon came up with on the spot. Junhui was better in the infant room than he was, he had a naturally sweet aura that charmed the babies instantly, but he was busy today. Jihoon would just have to fill in.

“How is the sensory garden project coming along?” Soonyoung asked as he herded Seungkwan and Hansol outside. “It’s going well, we had some families donate items this week, Seungkwan emailed a letter to them about it.” Seungkwan blushed again and Soonyoung patted him on the back. “Well done. There’s twelve in kindergarten group today so I’ve got Chan on sand play to give you a hand. “What about you?” Hansol asked as they waited for the children to start arriving, Soonyoung with his clipboard and attendance sheets in hand. “We’ve only got six booked in for toddler so Junhui and I can handle it just fine.”

Junhui chose that moment to appear with the new kid clinging to his hand. “Good morning Yun,” Soonyoung crouched down to speak to the child. “Are you feeling happy to be here today?” He watched the little boy nod with uncertainty and smiled gently at him. “It’s okay to feel a little scared. Junhui is going to be your special helper today and we’re going to play lots of fun games.” 

Yun’s face brightened up at the prospect of games. The schedule for today was toddlers inside for the morning while kindergarten was outside, staggered lunchtimes and naptimes, then toddlers outside for the afternoon with the kindergarten group inside.

They would get through it fine. They always did.

Junhui watched as the children played happily with a wooden kitchen. Free play was always fun, loved just watching them and their funny little games they would make up, dressing up in the costume box costumes and building towers of heavy wooden blocks. 

He sat in the toy room with Yun plastered to his side. The little boy was reluctant to join in with the other children but Junhui wasn’t surprised. It was his first day and Junhui had quickly formed a picture of the little boy’s life. He was adorable, well dressed and intelligent, articulate in two languages. He was obviously well loved and well looked after. 

Nevertheless, he was shy with the other children and Junhui could always tell when kids were mostly around adults. He would have to really encourage him slowly. The encouragement could wait until tomorrow. He was going to be at the centre three days a week so it wasn’t necessary to push him on the first day.

“Would you like to play with the blocks Yun?” he asked and the little boy looked over at the two other toddlers building a castle. He shook his head and buried his face into Junhui’s side. “Okay. You don’t have to. We can just watch from here,” he put an arm around the little boy and rubbed his back soothingly.

After free play, they moved the little group into the story room. “Soonyoung is going to read stories Yun,” Junhui said as he carried the boy in his arms. Stories really were Soonyoung’s area of expertise. He was so expressive and had a way of bringing books to life that always had the children enthralled. Soonyoung sat on the chair and Junhui settled himself on the floor with the children surrounding him on cushions and he wasn’t surprised when Yun crawled into his lap. He let him curl up and listen to the story Soonyoung was reading and smiled to himself at the sound of the little boy’s giggles.

Lunchtime was over quickly and the toddlers were ushered into the nap room. The lights were dimmed and while the others were all used to the routine Yun was not. He tossed and turned on his unfamiliar nap mat until Junhui lay down beside him. “I’ll sing to you if you like,” Junhui said and Yun nodded and clutched at his hand. The song was sung softly, it was an old lullaby Junhui’s mother used to sing when he was little, and the soothing sounds of Mandarin lulled Yun into a steady sleep.

“Good job,” Soonyoung clapped him on the back when the whole room was silent. “You almost knocked me out with that song.” Junhui blushed and smiled at the Director. He was a little uneasy about accepting compliments at the best of times but he was just doing what felt right at the time.

After lunch, the toddlers were turned outside into the warm sun. Covered in hats and sunscreen they squealed with delight when they saw the sand play table Chan had set up earlier for the kindergarten group. “We’re under strict instruction not to let them touch the sensory garden yet,” Soonyoung whispered conspiratorially to Junhui who laughed loudly. Hansol was so precious about his sensory garden project and obviously didn’t want the toddlers digging up his sunflower seeds again.

Yun had resumed clinging to Junhui until his face brightened. “Paint?” he asked when he saw the row of easels set up and Junhui took him over. “Of course Yun, you can paint, you don’t have to ask.” “I have to ask at home,” he said as Junhui pulled a smock over his clothes. “Daddy has this but I have to ask.” “Is your Daddy an artist?” Junhui asked and Yun nodded as he picked up the paintbrush. “Purple,” he said as he scooped the red paint up on the end of the brush and dumped it into the pot of blue, swirling it around, smiling proudly at Junhui. “Well done Yun! Why don’t you make Daddy a painting and we can give it to him when he comes back.”

Yun quickly became engrossed in his project and Junhui went over to the sand table. “One of the Daddies is an artist,” he whispered and Soonyoung nodded. That made sense. Yun looked uncomfortable with the other children but perfectly at ease with the paintbrush in his hand. “I wonder which one,” Soonyoung mused and Junhui remembered noticing a pair of paint splattered boots a few days before when they’d come for a visit. 

“The Chinese one. Not the tall one,” he said with conviction. He knew he was right. “I wonder what the other one does,” “Obviously some kind of model or actor,” Junhui sighed. The tall Daddy was so good looking he had to be making money off that face. He seemed open and enthusiastic, full of laughter and relaxed in his own skin, his smile bright and easy. The other one, the artist, seemed different.

Junhui’s wonderful natural empathy made him ideal for working with small children. He had an innate ability to read people’s faces and body language, to unserstand the intricacies of inflection and tone, and had a wonderful sense of response to the feelings of others. He was the best one to sooth a hurt child, the one to go to when a baby just woulndt settle, the master at drawing a shy child out of their shell or dealing with a difficult parent.

His instinct told him the man he’d met that morning, the one witih the expensive outfit and the old paint splattered shoes, was deeply unhappy. He couldn’t help but wonder why.


	7. Chapter 7

“Daddy!” Yun called out with joy but he kept clutching tightly to Junhui’s hand as he watched Mingyu and Minghao walk in to the childcare centre. “Hi baby!” Mingyu grabbed for him, making him drop Junhui’s hand and reach for the tall man’s neck. “How was your first day?” 

Minghao stood off to the side as he waited for Junhui to gather Yun’s things. He watched him fill the backpack with Yun’s snack box, lunch box, and an assortment of dirty items of clothing “I’ll wash his towel and washcloth,” Junhui said brightly, as if he couldn’t think of anything more enjoyable than washing the little boy’s things. “His nap mat can stay. I’ll wash that here as well.” 

Minghao nodded as he took the backpack and tried not to look the man in the eye. His expression was so open and unguarded and his eyes sparkled with an enthusiasm for life Minghao had only ever seen on his son.

Junhui looked at a pile of paint splattered laundry the way Yun looked at the McDonalds playground. Just pure unadulterated happiness.

“He had a great first day. He’s very sociable with adults. I’d like to talk to you when you have time about encouraging his interest in other children but overall he adjusted very well. He made a picture to take home and he ate well at meal and snack times.” 

Minghao nodded. He didn’t know when he’d have time. He wasn’t expecting to be so engaged on the first day. How much could this man have discovered about his son in just a few hours? Minghao had been with him constantly since he was born. He was the expert on his son, not this man who only knew him for one day, and he didn’t see Yun’s lack of interest in other children as a problem.

“Thank you,” was all Minghao said as he took the backpack from the man’s hands. “I’ll let you know when I have time. I’ve just started a new job so I’m really very busy at the moment.”

“If you ever get stuck or just want someone to help you out I’ve babysat out of hours for other families here.” Junhui’s smile was back, free and easy, as if giving up his spare time to babysit was the most enjoyable thing he could think of. “I’ll remember that,” Minghao said as he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. He felt strangely exposed under the warm kind gaze of the handsome childcare worker. It made him want to run a mile.

“Junhui had a cheese sandwich for lunch. I want cheese tomorrow.”

“Junhui speaks Cantonese too why don’t we speak Cantonese daddy?”

“Junhui told me he has two cats. Two real life cats at his home. Take me there Daddy I want I visit them.”

“Junhui sang to me so I could sleep can you sing to me tonight please Daddy please? But I want the song Junhui sang. I can’t remember how it goes. Please?”

Mingyu chuckled as he drove them across the neighbourhood to the closest McDonald’s. Yun chattered happily in the backseat as he swung his legs and clutched his artwork with his chubby fingers. “He seems happy,” he said quietly to Minghao who was rubbing a finger against his temple. He’d had a long day and Yun’s constant chatter was making him feel even more tired. 

Yun wouldn’t stop chattering about Junhui. Usually this wouldn’t bother Minghao but a part of him had hoped his little son had missed him. He didn’t want him to be unhappy but he couldn’t deny the part of him that simmered with jealousy. 

The teacher, Junhui, looked like he wanted to chat longer but Minghao wasn’t in the mood. His brain was overloaded with information and emotion and he wasn’t prepared to deal with the man’s honest and open engagement. He was too raw, too bare, too candid. Every single feeling that danced across his features was totally sincere and Minghao didn’t know how to deal with it.

He didn’t want to deal with it. It was terrifying.

“Come on,” Minghao leaned in to get Yun out of his car seat and avoided the swinging of his clunky feet. He carried the suddenly tired boy who wrapped his arms around his neck and snuggled closer. “Daddy....” he murmured and Minghao forgot all the stress of the day. “Missed you today baby,” he said softly as he carried Yun into the restaurant and over to a booth while Mingyu ordered. 

Yun bounced back into life when he saw the little box of nuggets and fries and slid from Minghao’s arms onto the seat next to him. “So tell me how your day was.” Minghao looked up from his chicken burger at Mingyu and smiled. He rarely ate the fast food that Yun loved so much but he couldn’t face cooking for one. “It was fantastic. The gallery owner knows more about business than art though.” “That’s Jeonghan,” Mingyu nodded. He knew Jeonghan from art school. The man had tutored him in business management and they’d struck up a friendship which lasted past University. Mingyu was only too glad to recommend Minghao when Jeonghan purchased the gallery as his latest ‘investment project’. 

Yun’s eyes dipped low as he stuffed fries into his mouth and Minghao pulled him back into his lap. “We come here too often,” he mumbled as he struggled to hold onto the little boy. “Don’t beat yourself up,” Mingyu said as he grinned around his burger. Minghao sighed loudly. He shifted Yun’s weight to the other leg and picked at a spare chicken nugget. He used to cook, a long time ago, when Yun was smaller. When he could rely on him to stay in one place for a while. When he didn’t ask so many questions.

“So tell me more about it,” Mingyu bit down on his burger sending drips of sauce flying everywhere but on his shirt. Minghao rolled his eyes but Yun began to giggle and suddenly sat up and took a big drink from his juice. “Can I go play?’ he asked and Minghao just shrugged. “Fine.” Yun slipped from his lap and ran off to the playground.

“He really loves that guy at the childcare,” Mingyu said as they watched Yun’s chubby little legs struggle up the stairs to the slide. “Yeah, the weird guy, a bit too much.” Minghao ate another nugget and wished it was real food. Maybe he would have to start being more organised and do some meal prep on the weekends or something. Eating like this wasn’t going to be any good for either of them long term. “He didn’t seem that weird to me,” Mingyu laughed a little at the memory of the tall man crouching low and making himself small as he played with Yun. “He seemed nice. Fun, you know, free spirited.”

That’s what made Minghao so unnerved. He couldn’t handle free spirited. He needed sensible, serious, conscientious. He thrived on predictability. He craved routine and was drowning in responsibility. The man he’d met was way too open with his emotions, too wildly reckless with his smiles, and Minghao shuddered at the memory. He used to be more like that once. Young, happy, childish. Foolish. It was a sure-fire way to get yourself hurt.

“Yeah, well, takes a special kind of guy to work with little kids all day.” Mingyu opened his mouth to question the disdain dripping from Minghao’s lips but he changed his mind and just finished his burger. A cry from the playground roused Minghao from his musings and he jumped up to see Yun running open mouthed towards him.

“I fell...” he cried and Minghao lifted him into his arms. “Shhhh....” he shushed him as best he could. “Is he okay?” Mingyu’s eyes flashed with worry but Minghao just nodded. “He’s fine. He’s more tired than anything.”

Endlessly grateful for his friend’s silent presence, Minghao bundled Yun up in his own coat while Mingyu cleaned up their mess. They drove home in quiet contemplation. Mostly Minghao was just too tired to talk. “Do you want me to come in?” Mingyu asked softly and Minghao shook his head. “Thanks anyway,” he said as he got out and leaned in to grab Yun and his backpack. 

He led the tired boy by the hand to the front door and unlocked it. “Tired,” Yun whined as Minghao tossed the bag inside and picked the boy up again. He felt the familiar twinge in his back as he lifted the heavy boy and carried him into the house.

“I made this for you Daddy,” he mumbled as his eyes began to drool again and Minghao noticed the piece of paper he was clutching. It was simple, a tree with the leaves made by prints of Yun’s hands, a riotous glory of reds and purples and blues. It was beautiful.

“Thank you baby,” Minghao said as he smiled at the painting. “Junhui helped me. He’s good at making things.”

Minghao pushed the thought of the handsome smiling teacher aside. He laid the artwork carefully on the table before carrying Yun into his bedroom and putting him straight into his bed. “I can sleep in Daddy’s bed tonight?” Yun asked, wide eyed, sleeping in Minghao’s bed was against the rules. “Just tonight,” Minghao said as he took his shoes and sat down on the edge of the bed. He stroked Yun’s hair gently away from his forehead and by the time he got up to get in the shower the boy was already fast asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

“Minghao!” 

Jeonghan made him jump and his brush almost skittered across the surface of the canvas. His work was coming along in dark shades of rich noir and angry indigo and scattered with specks of emerald and forest. 

He saved it just in time.

He liked his new boss, he was smart and handsome, obviously wealthy and educated, and polite to the point of restraint. But the man had absolutely no idea about art.

He was, however, paying the paycheck.

“Hi Jeonghan,” Minghao smiled as he put his brush down and turned around. Jeonghan was wandering towards him in that ambivalent way he had that made Minghao want to scream in frustration. His boss was a man who didn’t understand the pressure of time and responsibility.

“How’s it coming along?” Jeonghan peered over at the canvas and Minghao cringed a little. He’d underestimated how much this would feel like selling his soul. He knew being employed as an artist in residence meant people would watch him work. It was a lure for a gallery, a novelty, and would draw more people in to buy the art already hanging on the walls. His new boss had already increased his hours due to the interest Minghao’s work was garnering for the business. He didn’t want to say no to any of it. He needed the money. He needed to get his life back on track.

“Well, I like the space, and the light is amazing.....” Minghao turned back towards thewindow and saw that the sun was dropping. He looked at his watch and saw that he had to go. He began to gather his things from the cupboard in the corner as Jeonghan followed him over. “Have you got a minute?” He asked and Minghao nodded even though he didn’t.

“I’m throwing a big party tomorrow night. It’s a combination exhibition and celebration of your hiring. A lot of important people will be there.” Minghao nodded to show he was listening as he grabbed his coat and shoved his hands in the pockets. “I’ll be expecting you there of course. I’ll let you exhibit and reduce my commission fee for the evening and you should make some sales.”

Minghao nodded again. He was trying to back towards the door without his new boss noticing. “It starts at 7pm so you’ll need to be here by 6:30 and the dress code is semi formal.”

“I’ll be here,” Minghao said as he opened the door. “I’m sorry Jeonghan I really have to go.” Jeonghan nodded and Minghao took off out the door. Mingyu was probably pissed he’d kept him waiting outside in the car. He looked up and down the street and saw no one before pulling his phone out of his pocket.

**_“Sorry, something came up, have to take a rain check on dinner..”_ **

Minghao wanted to be mad but in all fairness Mingyu had sent the text four hours ago.

“Do you need a ride?” Jeonghan called out to him and Minghao shook his head before turning and chasing after him. “Actually, that would be great.” If he got Jeonghan to drop him off home he could grab his own car. Otherwise he’d have to get a cab to the childcare centre and then home again and he couldn’t afford to waste the money. Now he also needed to scrounge up something nice to wear and a babysitter by tomorrow night. He stared at Jeonghan’s side profile as the man drove him towards his house, chatting away without a care in the world, and wanted to roll his eyes. Only a childless person would organise a party with 24 hours notice.

“Thanks!” He waved Jeonghan away and jumped into his own car without going inside. By the time he drove back in the other direction it was 6:10pm and he was late. The Center was supposed to close at 6.

“Hello?” he called out as he rushed inside to find Junhui sitting in a beanbag with Yun cuddled into his side. The centre was mostly dark and there were no other children there. “See,” Junhui said softly as he stroked the little boy’s soft dark hair, “here he is.” “Daddy,” Yun sat up and sniffled and held his arms out as Minghao rushed over and pulled his son up into his embrace. “I’m so sorry baby,” he said quietly as little arms wrapped tightly around his neck. 

“Thank you. I won’t be late again,” he said to Junhui as the man gathered up Yun’s things and tried to hand them over. Minghao struggled with his arms full of tired child and couldn’t take the backpack and Junhui took the bag back and followed him out to the car. They walked in silence as Yun clung to Minghao and Junhui followed with his things and put them on the front seat as Minghao pit Yun into the back.

“Thank you,” he said again and didn’t know what else to say. Silence seemed to hang over them like a heavy shroud and Minghao didn’t know how to shift it. “I, um-“ “See you tomorrow!” Junhui’s bright grin disappeared into the darkness as he turned and headed back into the centre leaving Minghao standing alone by the car feeling a little like a summer thunderstorm rolled out faster than it rolled in.

“Junhui’s cats are called Mittens and Socks,” Yun said sleepily from the backseat as Minghao drove. “Of course they are,” he said more to himself than to Yun. 

“Junhui made red bean cake. He said so. Daddy why don’t you make red bean cake?” Yun piped up after a few silent moments. “Daddy’s tired,” Minghao said as he stopped at a traffic light and rubbed his eyes.

“Daddy, Junhui said he likes to walk by himself along the river, why is he by himself?” Yun was getting his second wind and Minghao cringed knowing this was going to spill into overtiredness. He checked the time and wondered how on earth he was supposed to get Yun’s dinner made in time for bed. “I don’t know why he’s by himself,” Minghao said and wished the little boy would quit talking about his new teacher. It made it hard to get him out of his own brain.

“Where’s Uncle?” Yun asked and Minghao turned into their driveway. “He’s busy,” he said and turned the car off. His back was hurting a little and he wished Yun would walk but the boy went floppy as soon as his car seat was unbuckled and Minghao had to struggle inside on one hip while he dangled the backpack precariously on the other arm.

He managed to get the door open and get them both inside. It was almost 7pm.

“Here,” Minghao said as he put a cup of instant ramen down in front of Yun while he slumped in front of the tv. “Which one is it?” Yun asked as Minghao changed the channel from the news to a much more benign gardening show. “Beef,” Minghao said as he dropped into the armchair and wondered if he had any wine left in the cupboard.

“Junhui likes cooking beef. He says his favourite is shenshen beef because it’s very very spicy. Too spicy for Yun. He said he also makes broccoli beef and that’s not so spicy. Daddy can we cook beef?” Minghao got up to search for the wine. If he heard the name Junhui one more time he really thought he might scream.

“Junhui read me a book today. It was called Goodnight Moon. I liked it. It made me want to sleep he read it at nap time do we have the book here Daddy?”

Minghao sat cross legged on the floor of the bathroom while Yun soaked in the tub. “No, we don’t have that book.”

“We can call Junhui on the phone and ask him to read it! You will like it Daddy the rabbit says goodnight room, goodnight moon, goodnight red balloon....” Minghao began to daydream as he pulled the plug and grabbed a towel. He hoisted Yun out of the bath and onto the mat and gasped a little at the sharp sting in his lower back. He had to stop lifting him so much. The boy was just getting too heavy.

Yun babbled away as Minghao rubbed him dry with the towel and thought about his soft warm bed and the luxurious nothingness of falling asleep. “Daddy? Daddy? Daddy daddy daddy daddy dadd-“ “What?” Minghao snapped a little too sharply and felt instantly guilty. “Sorry baby. What were you saying?”

“Can we call Junhui on the phone so you can hear the story? The Goodnight Moon story? You look tired Daddy it will help you sleep.” Yun leaned out of the bath and pulled at Minghao’s shirt, his eyes pleading with him desperately, but Minghao shook his head.

“No darling we can’t call Junhui. He’s not working. He’s at home and he’s probably busy enjoying his rest time. Just like we should be.” He watched Yun run wrapped in his towel into the living room where Minghao had left his pyjamas out were the heating was the best. 

By the time Minghao scraped his tired limbs off the bathroom floor Yun was already half dressed. “I’m doing it myself,” he declared proudly as Minghao stood back and watched him struggle his arms into the pyjama too. “Yes I can see that. You’re so clever,” Minghao smiled at the sight and felt a little of the tiredness seep out of his bones.

He giggled a little as he watched Yun try to pull the shirt over his head and went to help him. “Your head’s too big,” he laughed and Yun laughed back. “Daddy your head’s too big!” he squealed and giggled when Minghao scooped him up into his arms. “Well that’s where you get it from!” he was still laughing but his heart began to swell in his chest just a little. Yun got a lot of things from him but his head, with its soft silky hair shining and dark, looked just like his mother’s. It really wasn’t that big at all.

“You want to sleep with me tonight?” Minghao was tired down to his bones and had to get up in the morning and start ringing around for a babysitter. This gallery party was going to be a nightmare and he wasn’t even getting paid so he better at least make one good sale for the night. He carried Yun into his bedroom and let the little boy shove his Māo Māo between the pillows in the middle of the bed. “Stay here and rest while I have my shower,” Minghao said as he watched Yun nod and shove his thumb into his mouth. A habit he couldn’t shake especially when he was very tired.

Minghao showered quickly and dressed in some boxers and an old threadbare tshirt. He stood in the open doorway and dried his hair, listening to Yun mumble nonsense to himself in the dimly lit bedroom, chattering away in a quiet little singsong voice.

When he made it to the doorway of the bedroom he could hear what he was saying.

“Goodnight moon, goodnight room, goodnight little red ballon. Goodnight Jun.” Yun giggled softly to himself before starting all over again. “Goodnight room, goodnight red ballon, goodnight moon Jun.”

Minghao wondered if he was ever going to stop talking about the man. 

The next morning he stretched and felt a little more alert. He reached over and cancelled his alarm before getting up to make Yun some porridge and shower in peace before the boy woke. He mourned the loss of his mornings as he let the hot water run down his back. Yun has always been an early riser but at least, before this new job, they could enjoy the early starts slowly. Yun could enjoy his breakfast on the couch in his pyjamas and it didn’t matter if Minghao had spots of apple juice on his shirt. Now it mattered.

As soon as it was a light outside he began. First he messaged Mingyu and hoped the man would come through for him like he had so many times before.

“ ** _Sorry, another date with Wonwoo, come past the office though and I’ll lend you something to wear.”_**

Shit. Of course - it was Friday night and Mingyu would be taking that guy out again. Probably somewhere nice where the meals didn’t come in cardboard boxes and you probably wouldn’t catch gastrointestinal disease from the toilets.

He scrolled though his phone and pulled up Seokmin’s number. He knew it was a stretch, they were already having Yun for him tomorrow but he didn’t really have anyone else to ask.

“Hey,” Seokmin said when he answered. “We’re all set for tomorrow, Joshua went and got so many snacks, and we’re going to walk to the park so make sure you drop him off in those sneakers that hurt when he kicks.” “Okay,” Minghao replied and his confidence shrank. “Uh, is Joshua there as well?” “No,” Seokmin sounded distracted and Minghao could hear the clinking sounds of dishes and glasses in the background, “we’re having his partners from the law firm over for dinner tonight to celebrate a big case they just won so he’s gone into the office early.” 

Minghao could could picture it perfectly. Seokmin in a neat white shirt and charcoal pants, Joshua in navy and grey, Seokmin with his sleeves rolled up while Joshua berated him gently and lovingly for not wearing a tie. The long dining table in their pristine apartment would be set with linen and appetisers and candles and the scent of delicious food would be lingering in the air. There were no crayons or dried apple snacks or dirty child sized Nike sneakers in the picture.

“Ah, don’t worry, we won’t be hungover tomorrow,” Seokmin said as he sensed Minghao’s reticence. “You know Joshua is a lightweight. We’ll be fine in the morning.” “I know,” Minghao said softly. His stomach churned as he wondered what his options were. “Thanks again Seokmin. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Daddy?” Yun pulled at the bottom of Minghao’s shirt still hanging untucked from his trousers and he put the phone down. “Good morning baby,” he smiled gently down at the little boy rubbing a fist into his eye. “Hungry?” Yun nodded but pouted when he saw the porridge with grated apple. “Any honey Daddy?” he asked in a little voice so soft and sweet Minghao couldn’t resist.

He watched Yun spoon honey into his porridge and mumble his little song again. “Goodnight moon, good night room, goodnight Jun....”

Jun .... _Junhui_

He had said he did private babysitting on the side. It was late notice but Minghao had to ask. He had no other choice.


	9. Chapter 9

“I know it’s short notice,”

Minghao felt completely exposed under the gaze of the childcare worker who seemed to see right through to his bones.

“I’ve got a really important work thing, they just sprung it on me yesterday, and I have no one else to ask.”

God, this was so stupid, what was he thinking? 

This man was tall and attractive, glowing with joy and enthusiasm, he obviously had better things to do with his Friday night than babysit some strangers kid. Junhui’s features stared a little blankly before morphing into a sweet smile filled with warmth that somehow made Minghao shiver down to his bones.

“I can’t pay you much either. Shit, this is a really bad idea, never mind I’ll just-“ Minghao went to turn away to hide the fresh blush of shame that was colouring his cheeks when Junhui grabbed him gently by the arm.

“I’ll do it,” his voice was soft but his smile was bright. “You’re really stuck? Of course I’ll do it.” He smiled down at Yun who was giggling behind his hand. “You want to hang out tonight buddy?” he asked and Yun’s giggled escaped his lips. “Daddy said a swear!” he gloated proudly and Minghao wanted the earth to swallow him.

“You’ll really do it?” He asked and his tongue suddenly felt thick. “Yeah, I’ll do it, should I come to your house or do you want Yun to come to mine?”

Minghao hadn’t thought that far ahead. He had dishes in the sink and laundry piled as high as his shoulders and he hadn’t vacuumed for weeks. It was still preferable to taking Yun to somewhere strange and picking him up late at night. “My house. Do you drive?” Junhui shook his head no and Mingyu’s face fell but Junhui brightened again. “I’ll just come with you when you pick Yun up.”

Was it really that easy?

Minghao felt like his brain was filled with bees. No planning, no stress, not even any questions. What sort of carefree life was Junhui leading that this was so easy for him to say yes to? Minghao let out the deepest breath; one he didn’t even realise he was holding.

“Thank you so much. Like I said, I’ve just started this new job, I can’t afford to pay you much.” He fidgeted nervously as Yun clung to Junhui’s hand and began to pull him towards the art area. “It’s fine, really, not a problem. We’re gonna have so much fun right Yun?” Yun nodded and then they were walking away to hang his bag and Minghao was left alone by the door.

_Okay. This was fine. His problem was solved. Everything was fine._

So why did he feel so uneasy?

When he made it to the gallery he set up his easel but disregarded the half finished painting he’d been working on. The painting on the easel was too fluid, too tranquil and uncomplicated, and today be needed something darker. He needed a challenge.

He fetched a fresh canvas and began to paint pain in indigo and black and shades of smoke and salt; scattered with fine fragile details of pale pink and lavender. The feelings flowed though his fingertips and out of the brush as confusion and fear reigned over his morning thought and extended well into the afternoon.

“You’re really going to babysit for those guys?” Soonyoung looked a little worried as Junhui got his lunch out of the fridge. “Yeah, why not? It really seems like they don’t have anyone else to ask.” Junhui shrugged as he found his lunchbox and opened it. It was filled with rice and meat, little cut fruits, tiny cubes of cheese. He shoved a strawberry into his mouth and watched Soonyoung add hot water to his cup of ramen. “You’ve got so much on your plate. Are you sure you have time? Aren’t your exams soon?” 

Junhui nodded as he walked out of the staff room to help supervise the toddler lunches. He sat next to a tiny girl with the shortest stumpiest ponytails he’d ever seen on a child. It made him giggle as he nibbled at his salads and rice.He usually studied on Friday nights, Soonyoung knew that, as he was often too tired though the week. But he’d just catch up on his study Sunday night after he’d volunteered at the cat shelter. He’d find some extra time somewhere.

Saturdays were his sleep in days. His only morning to laze in bed and catch up on his rest; make a big brunch before warming up his limbs with some stretching and dance. He liked to be already warmed up when he volunteered at the local youth centre to teach dance on Saturday afternoons. 

“So, the skinny one has a new job,” Soonyoung said as he slid onto the minature chair beside him. “What’s the tall one up to?” “Don’t know, he didn’t say,” Junhui shirugged as he ate the rest of his cheese. “He probably has to go with him. Husbands usually do that.”

“I didn’t see either of them wearing a ring.” Soonyoung stuffed his cheeks with noodles making the little girl next to Junhui laugh. “You look like a chipmunk,” she squealed and Soonyoung scowled a little to Junhui’s delight. The kids had an endless thirst for teasing Soonyoung daily. “You’re too nice Junhui,” Soonyoung concluded after swallowing his noodles and Junhui just smiled. It was nothing he hadn’t heard a million times before.

“Ready?” Junhui held out the coat so Yun could slide his arms into it. “Are you ready to see my house?” Yun chirped happily as he rocked back and forth on his heels. “I wish we were going to your house I want to meet Mittens and Socks and eat beef with broccoli and read the Goodnight Moon book.” Junhui just laughed to himself as Yun chattered away dragging his backpack towards the door. He’d already cleared an early minute with Soonyoung as payback for the other day when Yun’s Dad had been late.

“Oh,” Minghao almost stumbled through the door he was in such a hurry. “You’re ready, I’m so glad....” Junhui smiled down as he held Yun’s hand and led him out to the car. Minghao turned and leaned down to lift the little boy but Junhui had already opened the car door for him and Yun was climbing inside the car himself.

“Okay, belt up,” Junhui said as he climbed into the backseat next to him and Minghao shook his head at the childcare worker’s apparent nonchalance. “Let me check,” Minghao leaned in the other side and checked that Yun had clicked the seatbelt correctly and he had. He didn’t ask Junhui why he’d slid into the backseat and not into the front; he failed to remember the front seat was covered with clothes he’d grabbed from Mingyu at lunchtime. Junhui had noticed though. He was observant like that.

The ride was quiet for the adults but not for Yun. He rambled and nattered the whole way, sentences running into each other, everything from his daily activities to incessant questions and even a little song in the middle. Minghao drove in silence but Junhui joined in with Yun’s song about the cat and wondered if it was always going to be this awkward. Minghao was unlike any man he’d ever met. While Junhui was well aware that not everyone had his sunny disposition, or gentle but lively enthusiasm, but the man driving was absolutely and unapologetically morose. 

Junhui giggled to himself as he imagined a tiny little storm cloud, all grey thunder and lightning and cold showers, hanging over Minghao’s head while he drove. “What’s funny Jun-gē?” Yun asked as he tugged at the sleeve of Junhui’s sweater. “Nothing,” Junhui hummed and steeled his face again into a more unreadable expression. 

“I’m sorry,” Minghao gestured around at the untidy house when the walked in, “but I just haven’t had time.” Junhui watched the man check his watch and panic. “Shit, I have to be gone in twenty minutes.”

Minghao disappeared with the hangers of clothing into a small room off the main living area and Junhui and Yun just stared at each other.

“Daddy said a swear again,” Yun giggled behind his hand and Junhui giggled too. He couldn’t help it.

“Come see my room,” Yun pulled Junhui towards a small room off the main living area. The house was tiny and everything seemed to be set on the sides of the small combined living and dining room. Yun opened the door to a cozy little bedroom filled with paintings stuck to the walls and books everywhere. “I don’t have the Goodnight Moon book but I have all these books and these are my paintings and this is Māo Māo.” Yun shoved their toy car, obviously well loved, into Junhui’s arms. “My mother sent her to me once a long time ago. She doesn’t send things any more. I want to ask Daddy why but it makes him too sad. This is my train and this is my car....” 

Yun continued to talk without barely taking a breath and Junhui sat down on the unmade bed and watched him pull a big box of Lego out from the corner of the room. He held the cat gently and wondered about Yun’s mother and where she was. He knew obviously the boy had to come from somewhere but he’d never considered him having a mother as such. Definitely not one who’d made his Daddy sad. The story here seemed to be different to what he’d first pictured and it would only be a matter of time before he pulled the right thread and unravelled it.

“I have to leave,” Minghao stuck his head in the door and Yun looked up from his Legos. Junhui got up and followed him to the front door. “Here’s my number just in case and here’s some cash to get dinner, there’s a half decent takeaway place just down the road, you don’t mind do you?”

Junhui shook his head. Minghao kept talking as he fussed around with his shoes and wallet and keys. “Ah, I don’t really mind what time he goes to bed, not too late.... do you need to know anything? I mean, I guess you’re the expert in this so-“ “We’ll be fine,” Junhui said using the voice he liked to use when he had anxious kids at the centre. It seemed to work as Minghao stopped fidgeting with stuff and stared at him. “Yeah, okay, sure. Of course. I won’t be too late this thing finishes at ten.”

A car horn beeped and Minghao opened the door. “That’s my cab. I gotta go.” “Go,” Junhui smiled at him and he noticed the edges of Minghao’s mouth turn up ever so slightly, a little crookedly, not quite a smile but at least it was a start. 

And then, in a cloud of cheap cologne and seldom used hair gel, Minghao was gone.

“Hey Yun, is this takeaway place down the road any good?” Junhui asked as he stood in the doorway holding the $50 Minghao had shoved into his hand. Yun shrugged. “They have nuggets. I like nuggets.” “I’m pretty sure some beef with broccoli would taste better though,” Junhui’s eyes sparkled at the excited look on Yuns face as he jumped up from the floor. Junhui had seen a corner store just down the road as well and cooking wouldn’t take much longer than waiting for takeaway.


	10. Chapter 10

He moved with grace and poise that belied his hidden discomfort. This should be Minghao’s world but it wasn’t. He hadn’t been at an event like this in his whole career. He smiled and answered questions from pretty people with money and a whim to drink Jeonghan’s fine wine and redecorate but had minimal knowledge of art.

His clothes, borrowed of course, were well fitted and looked the part. His hair was neat and his face was handsome and his limbs were long and his figure lean. In this world of beautiful people, long stemmed champagne glass in hand, Minghao blended. He camouflaged like a chameleon becoming what people wanted, expected, of a talented artist. This was the image he was supposed to have.

None of the people here had seen the incredible highs and darkest lows of his life. They didn’t know there was more to him than the tall and handsome painter, walking like an exotic foreign model amongst them, master of aesthetic and appearance. They didn’t know and they didn’t want to know. Jeonghan paraded him in front of groups of people who murmured rich compliments on his work and Minghao smiled and played his part and silently hoped they would spend their easy money on his hard work.

To his relief they did. Three paintings at two thousand each was going to really help ease the pressure. Minghao was already daydreaming, thinking about the amount of rent he could pay in advance, his mind warm from champagne when Jeonghan appeared by his side with a short woman next to him. She was elfin and beautiful, all long dark hair and big eyes, delicate features pinched into a small cute button nose that had to be the work of one of Korea’s best plastic surgeons.

“Minghao, this is Minsoo, she’s been dying to meet you all night. We went to business school together.” Jeonghan slipped discreetly backwards as Min Soo moved a little closer and held her hand out. It was fine and soft, the ends of her fingers tipped with a tasteful pink polish; they were hands that had never done a hard day’s work in their life. “Hi,” she demurred as Minghao shook her hand and smiled. “Your art is just so incredible that I had to insist Jeonghan introduce us.”

After another glass of champagne, it was obvious it wasn’t his art she was interested in.

It had been a long time since someone paid attention like this. Minsoo was fun and flirty and witty. Her eyes sparkled as brightly as her diamond jewellery under the warm gallery lights as she laughed at Minghao’s mediocre attempts at humour. When she giggled she had this habit of grabbing his arm gently and it felt warm through the silk blend of Minghao’s borrowed shirt. He found out that her parents were real estate tycoons and she was in charge of her own branch in the expensive district of Seoul that Minghao was too poor to even drive through. 

As she chattered and flirted he thought absentmindedly about how false all this seemed, her nose and her lips, her laugh and her interest, her mannerisms and her manners.

The four glasses of champagne he’d had told him to enjoy it.

Eventually he stepped outside, alone and tipsy, his head ablaze with the need to leave. To breathe some fresh air and take his shoes off and lay down and get some rest. To let his body process the alcohol out of his system. He waved down a cab and relaxed onto the backseat as he drove through the city to his little home and wondered what waited for him.

Would Yun be crying? Would the house be a disaster? Would everything be okay? Minghao sighed aloud as he checked his watch and realised he had to be back at the gallery for work at 9am. At least it was only a half day. He should have arranged for Jisoo and Seokmin to come to his house, it would be a lot easier on him, but then he remembered the mess and shuddered. Jisoo and Seokmin were the ultimate neat freaks. Seokmin was obsessive with his cleaning and Jisoo liked to organise as a hobby ever since he got into Marie Kondo. He just couldn’t be bothered even thinking about it. 

He was glad to see the cab drive away. He straightened his shirt and pulled a small mint from his pocket just in case Yun was still awake. It was likely he wasn’t but Minghao still didn’t want to smell like alcohol when he walked in.

Everything seemed quiet, calm, almost like the calm before the storm. Although he felt like he was standing in the eye, not knowing which way to turn, Minghao knew he couldn’t just stand still and wait for it all to fall down around him. He reached out and turned the doorknob and opened the door and was greeted with warmth and a strangely delicious scent.

“Hi,” he said when he walked in to find Junhui seated on the couch playing a game on his phone. “Hi,” Junhui said as he quickly scrambled to stand and Minghao walked towards him. “Was everything okay?” Minghao asked as he looked around suspiciously. Everything looked different, neater somehow, as if a little hurricane had blown through and somehow righted everything that was wrong.

“Everything was fine. Yun is just a joy to be around.” The glow on Junhui’s face was a little suspicious to Minghao and the champagne in his belly was egging him on to say so. He reached up and rubbed a hand across his red nose and decided not to. Yun was cute, sure, and he had his cute moments but an evening with the boy being referred to as a joy was suspicious. Feeding, bathing, and settling an overactive and overtired four year old was exhausting.

“We had our dinner and then he had his bath, he wanted to wear the dinosaur onesie from his cupboard, I wasn’t sure if it was too warm but he insisted.” Junhui smiled so warmly as he spoke and began to move around collecting his things from the coffee table. “We had some stories and tidied his things up and he went to bed no problems.” Minghao scowled a little. Why was Junhui just so casual, describing the regular evening tempest as nothing more than a series of minor events? Had it really been so easy for him?

“Did he eat his dinner?” Minghao followed Junhui from the living area to the front door. “Yes, I hope you don’t mind, we went to the corner grocery instead and picked up some beef and vegetables. There’s some leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry and I put the change from the money on the kitchen bench.”

Minghao didn’t know what to say so he just stared. “Okay, that’s fine, well thank you again.” “You’re welcome.” Junhui replied but stood in the open doorway as if he was waiting for more to be said. Minghao was tipsy enough to struggle but sober enough to feel the heavy awkwardness in the air between them and he cleared his throat and rubbed his nose again. “Okay, well goodbye,” he said and Junhui blinked at him a few times before backing out of the doorway. “Okay, bye.”

As soon as he was down the garden path Minghao closed the door and finally felt like he could breathe. He wished he could pinpoint what exactly it was that scared him so much about Junhui; was it the man’s intimidating good looks, his soft warm charisma?

Was it simply his apparent competence and control?

He sighed heavily and walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. There, neatly plated up in one of his dishes, was a big bowl of what looked like beef and broccoli on a bed of fluffy white rice. Minghao’s stomach rumbled with the emptiness of champagne and canapés as he stared at the plate in his hands. He imagined the man moving around his kitchen like he belonged there, chopping and frying and boiling, Yun watching on with curiosity and diligence. He was starving and he put it in the microwave and poured himself a glass of wine while he waited for it to heat up. He felt suddenly sober and knew in this state he’d never sleep and, checking his watch, realised he’d have to have both himself and Yun up and dressed and out the door in about eight hours.

He carried the steaming plate of food over to the coffee table and inhaled the rich smell of soy and ginger. The vegetables were such a vibrant shade of green, broccoli cut artfully into evenly small pieces, the top scattered with bright green spring onions and sesame seeds, the strips of beef mouth-wateringly thin and dark with sauce. 

Minghao set it down and leaned back and took a long sip of his wine before tears filled his eyes. He didn’t even know what it was. Maybe it was the easy competence of the meal in front of him, maybe it was just too many changes all at once, maybe it was the constant feeling of his life being just one event from spiralling out of control. 

Minghao sniffed and pulled his composure together before picking up the chopsticks and taking a bite of the beef. It was as delicious as he expected.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy junhao day!

“Morning Daddy.”

Minghao groaned and opened one eye. Yun was leaning over him a little too close and he closed his eye again before rubbing them both. The last glass of wine he had when he got home was a mistake and his head was pounding and his stomach was churning.

“Good morning honey,” Minghao said as he gently pushed Yun aside so he could sit up and get his bearings. “Why are you already dressed?” “Junhui helped me last night. He said its fun to get ready and be orjenised the night before and it makes mornings better.” 

“It’s organised, not orjenised, and that’s a good idea.” Minghao was a bit sick of Junhui’s constant good ideas. He was irritatingly competent but at least it was one less thing he’d have to worry about. He got up and stretched as Yun watched him from the middle of the bed, his little blue hoodie and jeans neatly ironed and matching. “Jun-gē helped me, I picked the clothes and showed him where the laundry room is, we found some socks in the basket.”

Minghao picked up his pants from the night before and considered putting them on again. Something crumpled in the pocket and he reached in and pulled out the phone number she’d slipped him at the end of the night. It had seemed inconsequential at the time but a warm rush filled hi chest at the idea of being wanted. He tossed it on the dresser and decided against the dirty pants as he rummaged in his drawers for a pair of jeans.

Minghao microwaved porridge and searched the cupboard for some honey as Yun watched. “Junhui and me, we cooked Daddy, it was delicious. Junhui said no Szechuan beef for me, I’m too little, so we bought beef and broccoli and sesame seeds and ginger and we found soy sauce in the cupboard and we made it. Did you eat it Daddy? I told Junhui you would be hungry when you came home from work. Did you try it? Was it yummy?”

“Yes honey, it was delicious, I ate mine while you were asleep.” Minghao moved Yun out the way as he took the hot porridge out and stirred some honey in it. He poured it into a plastic bowl and handed it Yun who took it to the living room for cartoons.

“We put the leftover money on the cupboard for you Daddy!” he called out and Minghao went cold.

The money.

No wonder Junhui had seemed so awkward when he was leaving. Minghao didn’t pay him, didn’t even discuss it with him, he didn’t even ask him how he was getting home. He felt like such an idiot. He didn’t know if the man had called for a ride, or a cab, or even walked. He didn’t know how far it was to his house or if he got home safely.

“Daddy?’ Yun called out from the living room. “Daddy? The money? You find it?” Minghao stared at the scattered notes and coins on the cupboard and shuddered. He felt like such a loser.

“Good morning,” Seokmin opened the door and smiled brightly, excessively bright for a Saturday morning, as Minghao struggled in with Yun’s stuff. “Hi Uncle Seok,” Yun swung on his heels as he looked around, “what we going to do today? Where’s Uncle Josh?” Minghao looked around and saw the pristine apartment empty besides them standing in the doorway. “Ah, his shifts were changed; actually I’ve got to tell you Hao…” Seokmin looked around sheepishly. “I can have Yun this morning but Joshua just got a new roster and he has to work Saturdays now.” Minghao smiled at his friend as he screamed inside his mind. He knew what was coming next.

“We’re just not going to be able to help you out every Saturday. I mean, a few here and there, sure. But not regularly.” “Its fine,” Minghao said dismissively but his mind was already racing with a million thoughts. Who was going to take his Saturdays? The childcare centre wasn’t open. He didn’t want to ask Mingyu. The man was completely besotted with his new boyfriend and he’d barely seen him all week. He knew Mingyu would say yes but he didn’t know if he could dump on his best friend any more than he already did.

“Sorry,” Seokmin said again and Minghao just nodded. “I gotta go. Call me if there’s any issues.”

He almost ran back to his car as his mind worked overtime. The solution was right in front of him if only he could get past his awkwardness. He could ask Junhui and make sure he actually paid him this time. It would make Yun happy and he’d just have to push past having the man around more. He took a few deep breaths and fired off a text message to Junhui’s number, apologising profusely for not paying him, asking if he could talk to him Monday about some more babysitting. He didn’t wait for a reply as he pulled the car into gear and reversed out of the carpark of Joshua and Seokmin’s upscale apartment building.

Junhui chuckled a little at the text message. He’d been surprised to see the stuffy and awkward artist so tipsy the night before. It had amused him so much that he giggled to himself as he walked the few blocks home. His house was nestled on a quiet backstreet almost exactly halfway between Minghao’s and the childcare centre. He kicked his feet up on the table as he took the offered mug of tea from Soonyoung’s hands. 

“What’s so funny?” Soonyoung asked and Junhui leaned back on the couch. His books were scattered around him and he really should be studying but he couldn’t resist Soonyoung’s offer to come over and keep him company. “That guy. I just can’t work him out.”

Soonyoung knew exactly who Junhui was talking about. “He really didn’t pay you?” he asked as he shook his head. Junhui was the most hardworking man he knew. His friend was really special, kind and honest and generous to a fault, and Soonyoung constantly worried about him being taken advantage of.

“It’s fine,” Junhui sipped his tea and sighed contentedly. “He just forgot. He just messaged me to apologise.” “And....” Soonyoung raised his eyebrows as he shifted deeper into the comfortable armchair he liked so much. “And..... asked me if he could talk to me about more work.” “More work? Jun, you work more than anyone I know, with the centre and your Masters degree, the dance classes and the cat shelter.....” “I like to be busy,” Junhui’s eyes took on a faraway quality and Soonyoung fell quiet. He’d been close with Junhui since college and he’d never been the same since his breakup. Soonyoung knew he liked to keep busy and he knew he didn’t like to be alone.

“I know,” Soonyoung reached over and put a hand on Junhui’s knee. He’d never seen someone so simultaneously wide open and yet shut off. Junhui’s heart was an open wound barely stitched closed. He couldn’t bear to see anyone tug at the stitches and make him fall apart all over again.

They sat in silence as their mugs of tea cooled in the crisp morning air. Junhui wasn’t rich by any means but his hard word and a small inheritance from his grandfather a few years ago mean his house was homely and comfortable and filled with everything he needed. All but the one thing that had been missing for the last two years. Someone to share it.

“I have to get ready,” Junhui stood up suddenly and left the mug in the middle of the table. “Don’t let him take advantage of you,” Soonyoung warned as he watched his friend tidy up the pile of books. “He needs help,” Junhui looked up from his textbooks to see Soonyoung watching him with concern. “He’s got a husband to help him.” “No he doesn’t. That guy must just be his friend or his brother or something. Yun calls him ‘Uncle’ and he definitely doesn’t live there.”

Soonyoung felt strange as he dropped Junhui off at the youth centre. He’d give the world to see his friend happy again, truly happy, he had such a generous heart and so much love to give. But Soonyoung knew Junhui was still fragile and he couldn’t bear to help him through another breakup. Junhui hid his fragility behind a facade of humour and lightheartedness but Soonyoung knew the man inside was still terribly lonely and his heart ached for his friend. He’d do anything he had to do to protect Junhui from any more pain. 

The man just wouldn’t survive it.


	12. Chapter 12

“Are we really going Jun-gē house?” Yun mumbled around a big mouthful of apple. Minghao was never going to let anyone eat in this car when he first got it. That went out the window when he had a screaming toddler to drive around town.

“Yes. And you are going to behave while the adults talk. Okay?”

Yun nodded as he kicked his swinging legs against the seat. 

Minghao was so stressed. This really was his last resort. He couldn’t ask anyone else. He’d barely seen Mingyu since he made things offical with the writer, which Minghao found out via a short but excited text, and he had no one else.

For the millionth time he wondered if he should be raising Yun in China. At least there he would have his mother to help. The move had always just daunted him too much. He loved his life here and Yun only had just over a year until he started school anyway. That would make thing a a lot easier.

Right now all he could focus on was begging Junhui to help him out on Saturdays. The guy probably could do with the extra money anyway. Minghao knew being a childcare worker wasn’t exactly a high paid job.

When he pulled up at the address the directions sent him to he thought he must be mistaken. The house was by no means a mansion but compared to his rundown little cottage it was huge. A tall yew tree, old and gnarled, stood in the middle of a patch of green lawn. It had a long thick branch stretching about head height and Minghao could picture it with a swing underneath. This was a great home for a family.

He’d move when he got his shit together, sold more commissions, managed to save some money. Yun really needed a decent sized yard and space to run around. Maybe even get a cubby house and a swing.

His thoughts were proven when he leaned in and unbuckled him and Yun took off from the car. “It’s as big as the park!” he yelled as he rolled on the grass and Minghao didn’t know whether to laugh or be embarrassed. In the end he didn’t have time to decide as Junhui opened the front door before they could knock.

“Jun-gē!” Yun was up from the grass at lightening speed and had both arms wrapped around Junhui’s legs before Minghao could climb the two low steps up to the front porch. Everything was white and the edges of the garden were all lined with beautiful bright pink tsubaki in flower. He should have expected nothing less. Of course Junhui had time to tend a garden. 

“Good afternoon bāobāo,” Junhui said as Yun clung to his legs and smiled up at him. “Would you like to come inside?” “And me?” Minghao said softly and the smile on Junhui’s face was unsettlingly breathtaking. It was just so warm and open Minghao almost fell backward down the steps. “Of course,” he took Yun by the hand and they walked into the house.

It was beautiful. Everything was white and grey and blue. It was tidy and homey and warm inside and Minghao felt a pull urging him to kick his shoes off and curl up on the plush couch. 

“Yun, don’t touch anything,” he hissed quietly, visions of Seokmin and Jisoo’s pristine apartment fresh in his mind, but Junhui just laughed. “You touch anything you like little stormcloud,” Junhui said as Yun’s eyes lit up, “but if you find one of the cats come and get me before you touch them.” Minghao watched the tall man crouch impossibly low to the ground so he could look the little boy in the eye. “They’ll want to play but they don’t like to be surprised. Okay?”

Yun rocked back and forth on his heels and nodded. “Go find them then!” Junhui laughed loudly and his eyes sparkled as he watched the little boy run off to search behind couches and curtains for the cats.

“Tea?” he asked Minghao and the other nodded and tried to relax. “Sure. I’m sorry about the money,” he said as his eyes flicked around the room. He’d been so far off it wasn’t funny. Junhui wasn’t rich by any standards but he clearly didn’t need an extra fifty bucks for babysitting.

“It’s fine. I just figured you were drunk.” Junhui turned to walk into the kitchen and Minghao blushed bright red as he followed him. “I was,” he admitted softly, more to himself than anyone else and Junhui smiled at him again. This time it wasn’t blinding, it was softer, tinted with a warm glow of understanding and it ripped through Minghao’s brain stronger than the alcohol he’d overindulged in.

“I hate work events. I feel so awkward and the place was full of strangers, everyone wants to talk to the artist, I really struggle with things like that.” Minghao blabbered on while Junhui boiled the kettle and put black tea bags into two mugs. “I haven’t been back at work for long and I was so nervous I guess I drank a little too much to try and ease my nerves.”

“Sugar?” 

Minghao shook his head and Junhui added a small spoon to one of the mugs.

“Anyway, it was weird, you would think I would enjoy a party. Especially since, you know, I’m always home with Yun. I literally haven’t been to a real restaurant in three years, but I’ve just been out of the game for too long. Next time I’ll be smarter and hold back on the free champagne.”

When he stopped talking he looked around as if he expected the real owner of his disembodied voice to appear. What was wrong with him? And why did he just ramble on like him and Junhui were best friends? Was he really missing Mingyu that much?

“Here,” Junhui pushed the mug of hot tea into his hands. “Come sit down.”

Minghao followed Junhui into the living room. It was tastefully decorates in shades of charcoal grey, white walls offset by pastel pink cushions, and dominated by a huge comfortable looking couch.

“Sit,” Junhui waved Minghao over to the corner couch and tidied up the pile of papers and books strewn all over the coffee table. Minghao eyed Junhui curiously. He was dressed casually in sweats with his hair a little messy. He actually looked like he’d been jogging not reading.

“Sorry,” he mumbled as he scooped up the notebooks. “I usually study on Friday nights but I ran out of time.”

Minghao was about to connect the dots when Yun came running.

“Slow down,” Minghao said but the little boy was too excited. “Found them gēge! In the big bedroom behind the curtains!” “Let’s go get them then!” Junhui got up and followed Yun into his room and came back with his arms full of fluffy cat. He beckoned Yun over to the couch and when the boy climbed up to sit between Minghao and Junhui he put one of the cats on his lap. “This one is Mittens,” Junhui said as he put the calico cat into Yun’s lap. “She’s gentle and sweet.” When he saw the happiness writ all over Yun’s little face Minghao wanted to cry.

“That’s Socks then?” Yun asked as he ran his fingers through the cats fur. “Yes, this is Socks.” Junhui indicated the orange tabby eyeing Minghao suspiciously from his owners lap. “They’re brother and sister. Someone abandoned them in a box behind the convenience store down the road. I took them to the cat shelter where I volunteer but they were so small, so young....” 

Cat shelter? Minghao watched Junhui’s eyes take on a faraway expression as he remembered. “They were only weeks old and they were bottle fed around the clock and no one was sure they would live. But look!” He smiled down at Socks in triumph and immense pride. “They’re survivors. They lived and I didn’t want to split them up so I brought them home with me when they were eight weeks old.”

“What’s a cat shelter?” Yun asked and Minghao zoned out a little as he sipped his tea and listened to the sound of Junhui’s voice. He was so great at explaining things to Yun. His urge to curl up and just listen, to relax and enjoy his tea, to let go of everything that was worrying him suddenly overwhelmed him. He’d felt it building up ever since he walked into this house that was so calming and welcoming and warm. It still took him by surprise, that he could feel so comfortable with a stranger, but the way Junhui was chattering to his son with a lap full of fluffy cat was endearing and addictive. Minghao, in that moment, completely understood why Junhui was so good at his job. He was completely captivating.

“Can we?” Yun asked and Minghao blinked himself back to reality. “Can we what?” “Go see Jun-gē at the cat shelter one day?” “Sure,” Minghao said. Yun would forget; at least he hoped he would.

“So,” Junhui turned his attention back to Minghao. “You wanted to talk to me about more work?” Looking around, at the pile of studies on the table, the cats on the couch, Minghao wanted to back out. Junhui seemed to have more than enough work and he couldn’t believe he’d been so wrong; so judgemental about Junhui’s life and money and time. 

“Look, you seem to have a lot on your plate, so you can say no.” Minghao put the finished mug of tea down on the table and stared at his hands. When he looked up Junhui’s eyes were watching him so tenderly he felt like he was burning up, like he was melting, fading away into a warm dreamland of hot tea and cosy couches. 

“I need someone to watch Yun Saturday mornings. When I took the job my friends said they would do it, but now one had his roster changed and the other won’t have Yun on his own, and my best friend is busy and I can’t ask him.” “Uncle Gyu got a boyfriend and we don’t see him anymore!” Yun interjected and Minghao felt himself blush.

“Anyway, I’m screwed, I’ve got no one else to ask and Yun really likes you. I understand if you can’t and I promise I’ll pay you.”

Junhui leaned back and ran a hand through Yun’s hair. “You really like me little stormcloud?” he said softly and Yun nodded at him with eyes wide as saucers. “Please Jun-gē, Uncle Seok doesn’t have any cats, and he doesn’t like me touching Uncle Josh’s toys.”

Minghao shook his head at how precious his friend was over some stupid anime figures. 

“I’ll do it,” Junhui said. “I teach dance on Saturday afternoons though so if you’re going to be later than 2pm I’ll take him with me and you can pick him up from there.”

“Dance?” Minghao said as his mind narrowed its focus. “I used to dance...” “Used to? That’s a shame,” Junhui put the cat on his lap down and the orange striped cat ran off. “Once a dancer always a dancer. I teach as a volunteer over at the youth centre by the high school.” Minghao nodded. He knew the one he was talking about. It was close to the gallery. “The kids are really good. We do a showcase every year and a lot of people come.”

“You’ll really help me? I’ll pay you per hour whatever you get paid by the centre.” Minghao said and Junhui nodded. “I’ll help but don’t pay me. I believe in karma Minghao and you need help. I’ll help you out and maybe one day I’ll need a return favour from the universe. You get back what you give.”

He turned his attention back to Yun who was looking through the pile of books Junhui had cleared from the table. “Goodnight Moon!” he held the picture book up in triumph and Junhui laughed. “Take it home,” he said and Minghao shook his head. They couldn’t accept anything else from Junhui, surely, would the man just give the shirt off his back if they were in need of that too?

“Take it,” Junhui said. “I was using it for a research project but I don’t need it anymore.”

Twenty minutes later Yun was talking non stop. The car ride was only about ten minutes but it was filled with Junhui. Junhui’s house, Junhui’s cats, Junhui’s gift of the precious book Yun clutched tight against his chest. 

“Can we really visit Jun-gē at the cat shelter? He says they have kittens.” Minghao nodded as he piled a plate high with stir fried vegetables and put it in front of Yun.

“What games do you think Jun-gē will play with me? I won’t even have to let anyone else join in. It’s gonna be just me and Jun-gē.” Minghao smiled as he crouched next to the bath and rubbed shampoo into Yun’s hair.

“Do you think Jun-gē is good at dancing? He must be if he’s a teacher. I wanna see him dance.” Minghao nodded as he pulled the pyjama top down over Yun’s damp hair. His curiosity was also piqued. He was semi serious about his own dancing until he switched to visual arts in his second year of University. Sometimes he wished he’d stuck at it; even just for fun.

“Want to sleep with me tonight?” he asked and Yun squealed with delight. “Yes please Daddy! Can we read Goodnight Moon?”

Minghao laid beside Yun’s sleeping body. It had only taken three read throughs and many Goodnight Moons to get Yun to drop off. He leaned over and turned the lamp off but his mind was still a tornado of confusion and he knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep anytime soon.

On a whim he grabbed his phone and typed the name of the youth centre into the YouTube search. A whole list of videos from their showcases came up and Minghao scrolled down until he found a thumbnail of Junhui, ethereal all in white on a black stage, arms outstretched and legs straight and long.

He took a deep breath and clicked on the video and watched Junhui dance as he laid in the darkness surrounding him.


	13. Chapter 13

“Uncle Gyu!” Yun threw his arms around Mingyu’s legs when he walked into the play area of the McDonalds they were waiting in. “Hey buddy,” Mingyu reached down and lifted the little boy high in the air making him giggle. “How are things with you?” “I missed you,” Yun said softly as he wrapped his arms around Mingyu’s neck and snuggled closer to him. “I know. I’m sorry little man. I’ve been a bad Uncle. But look!” He pulled a little toy car from his pocket and put Yun down. “I brought you a little present.”

Yun took the car and went over to find a space on the floor where he could zoom it around. Minghao watched with barely contained disgust, he hated how dirty this place was, but he didn’t have the energy to stop Yun from sitting on the dirty floor. “So, how’s the job?” Mingyu smiled at Minghao as he sat down. “It’s great,” Minghao smiled back as he picked at the fries scattered across the tray on the table. “I made a few good sales already and I enjoy working there…” he stared down at a chicken nugget and felt like he was going to throw up. Why was he having so much trouble adjusting to the changes in his life? He should be happy to be working again in a great job that he loved. A lot of artists in his position weren’t so lucky and half the people he went to art school with were now taking office jobs or already waiting tables for a living.

“What’s the problem?” Mingyu could tell something was wrong. He reached out to grab Minghao’s hand from across the table and the other shook a little at the touch. “It’s just a lot of changes and I feel like I’m around more new people than ever but I still feel lonely.” Minghao pouted a little and Mingyu copied him subconsciously. “Now I feel bad and I don’t want to tell you about Wonwoo,” he said quietly and Minghao shook his head. “No, don’t be like that, please.” He looked over and watched Yun happily playing in his own world. “Tell me some good news.”

“Okay,” Mingyu’s eyes sparkled and his smile grew. Minghao couldn’t help feeling envious as he listened to Mingyu’s stories about taking off for a weekend by the coast, romantic breakfasts in bed and dinners out on the deck by candlelight, long conversations over wine until 4am. He missed that part, the getting to know someone part, the beginning when everything was new and fresh and seemed like it was going to be perfect.

He listened to stories of dinners in Seoul’s top restaurants, front row seats at a fashion show, coffee dates searching back alleys for the perfect instagrammable moment. It made him long for company and someone to share his interests. What he wouldn’t give to have someone take him to the Van Gogh exhibition at the Seoul Arts Centre next week.

“So have you met anyone?” Mingyu asked and Minghao was a little confused. “Oh, from working? No, not really, only that Junhui guy. He’s agreed to have Yun for me on Saturdays.” Mingyu narrowed his eyes. “I knew Jisoo and Seokmin would flake on you.” He looked down as Yun, toy car abandoned on the floor, climbed up into his lap and reached for a fry. “It’s okay. I like Jun-ge better anyway,” Yun said decidedly and Mingyu laughed loudly. “Can’t wait to tell them that.”

“So tell me about Jun-ge.” Mingyu looked down at Yun reaching for another fry. “He came to my house and we cooked together he really let me help and we made beef with broccoli and saved some for Daddy.” Yun discarded half the fry onto the tray and grabbed his cup of vanilla milkshake. “Then we went to his house and met his cats and he gave me the goodnight moon book and I really love that book.”

Mingyu cocked an eyebrow inquisitively and Minghao was quick to brush it off. “He babysat for me when I had a work party, it was no big deal, okay? And then they flaked on me and I had to ask him about Saturdays. I didn’t want to but I had no choice.” “You know I would have done it,” Mingyu said softly and Minghao nodded. “I know. That’s why I didn’t ask. You already do so much for us I can’t ask for any more.”

“So you tell me about this Jun,” Mingyu smiled over the top of Yun’s head. “He’s really handsome if I remember correctly. Ask him if he ever wants modelling work.” 

Minghao sipped his orange juice and shook his head. “He’s already so busy. He works all week in the centre and teaches Dance on the weekends. He also volunteers at a cat shelter on Sundays and he’s studying something. I’m not sure what, he mentioned a research project, something to do with children’s’ literature.” “Wow,” Mingyu said, “he sounds….. Really busy. And he has time to help you out?” Minghao nodded and sipped his juice again. “Well he said yes.” “Maybe he’s one of those people who just can’t say no.”

Minghao wondered if that was true. If he really had time to spare to help out a man he hardly knew with a problem that had nothing to do with him. “He even said not to pay him. He said he may need a favour in return one day.”

“So dance?” Yun slipped from Mingyu’s lap and climbed under the table to reappear on Minghao’s. “Yeah,” Minghao pulled out his phone and handed it over with his YouTube history open. “He’s really incredible. He could have turned professional easily. I’d love to know where he trained.” “You watched all of these?” Mingyu scrolled down the list of videos with a glimmer in his eye. “More than once?” Minghao’s cheeks flushed. “I miss it, okay? And he’s really good.”

“Jun-ge is really good at everything. He has two cats called Mittens and Socks and he can cook and has a nice gardens and can sing the whole miao miao song.” Yun smiled at Minghao and then at Mingyu; proud of his observations of Junhui and his contribution to the conversation. “Well I guess he has two fans in this family.” Mingyu was laughing with delight at Yun’s steadfast expression. “Now you’ve finally met someone maybe we can even set up a double date sometime soon? I’d love you to meet Wonwoo and get to know him. We actually have tickets to see the Sydney Dance Company this Friday and I’m sure Wonwoo can get two more. He knows people.”

A double date? Minghao momentarily panicked before he remembered the phone number stuffed hastily into his pocket at the gallery party. He wasn’t sure if he could push any more babysitting onto Junhui but he really could do with a night out. A proper night out, one with fun and flirting, eating and drinking, and he did really want to meet Wonwoo. He guessed that it wouldn’t hurt to ask Junhui if he was free on Friday.

“Okay, I met this woman at the gallery party; I can ask her out if Junhui is free to babysit.”

Mingyu frowned confused, a curious smile turning up the corners of his mouth, as he watched Minghao totally misread his intention. “Oh, well I guess that would work too, maybe.....” His confusion was unnoticed by Minghao who was busy thinking about the logistics. The idea of a night out sounded increasingly tempting and he knew he could make it work somehow.

He wasn’t sure about Minsoo but she had been pretty and seemed nice. It might be worth putting himself out there after all this time.

“Okay,” he said brightly as he quickly warmed to the idea of a date. It had been a long time.

“Okay, so there’s cash on the counter,” Minghao said as Junhui followed him into the kitchen. “No need,” Junhui held up a plastic grocery bag proudly. “Yun and I are going to make crispy honey chicken. Right little stormcloud?” Yun was gripping the hand that wasn’t holding the groceries and Minghao shook his head. “Take the money then,” he grabbed it and held it out and Junhui giggled as he shirked away. The giggle was unusual, almost magical sounding, too light and happy to come from an adult male. “It’s my great privilege to provide for the young Emperor!” He dropped the bag of groceries and swung a squealing Yun up onto his back with one hand. 

“Jun-gē!” Yun squealed with delight as he gripped the man’s hair obvious to the twisted expression of pain on Junhui’s face. Minghao couldn’t help but laugh. Junhui really was wonderful with kids. He’d make a great father one day. He had endless patience but was also so free and fun with his spirit. It was infectious and for a moment Minghao longed for his childhood, to be swung high into the strong arms of a man, to feel the rush of wild play tempered by comforting safety. He grabbed his keys and wallet as Junhui dumped a still- squealing Yun onto the couch.

“Okay, well I won’t be too late, I still have to open the gallery in the morning.” “Sure, actually do you think it might be alright if I just crash here on the couch? That way I’ll get more sleep and you won’t have to worrry about getting Yun up early.” Junhui smiled gently at Minghao and suddenly his eyes widened. “Oh no, I’m so sorry, you’re going on a date right? You probably want to bring her back here....” his face flushed pink up to the tips of his ears and he looked down in embarrassment. 

Bring her back here? Minghao hadn’t even considered it. He didn’t want to even think how Yun would feel to wake up and find a stranger in his home; worse - in his Daddy’s bed.

“No, it’s not like that, I think you staying over is a great idea. Put Yun to sleep in my bed and you can crash in his room.” 

“Sleepover?” Yun appeared from behind them with expectant eyes sparkling. “Yep,” Junhui popped the ‘p’ as he picked Yun up again. “Honey chicken and a sleepover. How lucky are we?”

“You like cars?” Yun asked as he swung his legs and flicked at the wheel of the toy car Mingyu had gifted him the other day. “I guess,” Junhui shrugged as he quickly stirred the icy soda water into the flour and salt. There was a big pan of oil sizzling in its impatience and Junhui mixed quickly and began to coat the chicken strips. Yun looked at him questioningly and it made Junhui giggle. 

“I always liked other things more. Cats, dancing, music.” He dropped a few pieces of chicken into the oil and turned back to Yun. “Me too,” Yun said as he put the car down and picked up his beloved toy cat instead.

“Jun-gē can you tell me a story?” Junhui nodded and turned the chicken in the oil. “About what little stormcloud?” “Can you tell me a story about your Mama?”

Junhui’s eyes widened knowingly as he turned his back on the little boy for the briefest of moments. He’d put the pieces together easily enough to know everyone’s first impressions of their family situation were wrong. Yun’s mother obviously wasn’t around and the little boy never spoke of her. There were no pictures of her, no momentos, nothing to indicate her existence. No explanation but the obvious answer that she had left them and the deduction that it must have been a long time ago. The little boy probably didn’t even remember her.

“My Mama?” Junhui pulled the chicken out of the oil and into a dish lined with paper towel. “She’s tall and very beautiful with long dark hair.” Yun clutched the toy cat close and nodded, interested, his little eyes urging Junhui on. “She’s an amazing cook, making all sorts of delicious treats, and a beautiful dancer. She used to be a ballerina.” “Like you Jun-gē you make yummy food and you’re tall and a good dancer too!” 

“When have you seen me dance?” Junhui chuckled as he dumped the battered and fried chicken into a clean bowl and began to cover it in honey and sesame seeds. “Daddy was watching you on the YouTube. I saw him.”

Junhui blushed a little as he opened the rice cooker and began to spoon steaming fluffy white rice out into a plastic bowl. He didn’t think Minghao was interested enough to actually look up his dance recitals. The man always seemed just slightly more enthusiastic than indifferent but far from interested in Junhui as a person. He wondered what Minghao was like when it was just him and Yun hanging out, if he ever let his guard down, if he ever just relaxed. The idea intrigued him more than he wanted to admit.

They sat opposite each other at the dining table Junhui had cleared off and ate as Yun rambled on about many things important to a four year old. He chattered about the cloud he saw in the sky that morning, finding a snail on a rock, arguing with another kid at the playground.

“Is my Daddy looking for a new Mama?” he suddenly asked and Junhui choked on his chicken.

“What makes you think that?” “We’ll, he’s gone out tonight with a lady, on a date.” Yun rubbed one eye tiredly with a chubby fist smearing a little of the honey sauce into his eyebrow. “I know what dates is. What do you think she’s like?”

Junhui didn’t know. He had no idea what sort of a woman would interest Minghao. He’d gathered what little he knew from his home, their sparse conversations, from knowing his son. He knew Minghao would want someone smart and hardworking, creative with interest in the arts, someone with strong family values. Someone who would be able to care about, and cherish, Yun as much as he did.

“I bet she’s really nice,” Junhui smiled as Yun shoved another piece of chicken in his mouth. “Eat your greens,” he pushed the little plate of stir fried vegetables across the table and Yun rolled his eyes but ate them anyway. 

Minghao sat a little awkwardly beside Minsoo as the waiter placed the elegantly plated food in front of them. “So,” the man called Wownoo stared at them through elegantly gold rimmed spectacles, “how did you two meet?” “I was at Minghao’s gallery event last week,” Minsoo lifted her glass and took a long sip of wine. “An art aficionado then?” Mingyu smiled brightly and offered Wownoo a taste of the food on his fork which the other accepted. 

“Not really,” Minsoo waved her hand dismissively and Minghao watched the light reflect her delicate pink nails. “My family is in real estate, Dad is selling an apartment with river views, a real eye catcher, and I needed something to hang in the entrance.” She sighed as her hand fingered the stem of her wine glass. “I don’t know the first thing about art really but it was a fun party.”

“So, how did you two meet?” she asked the men sitting opposite and Mingyu gripped Wonwoo’s hand proudly. “We met at an event. Korean Vogue’s ‘Hot 30 under 30’ and we’ve been dating ever since.” “It was an instant connection,” Wonwoo’s cold gaze softened when he turned to look at Mingyu sitting beside him. “We just have so much in common.” Minghao wanted to throw up. He was so happy for his friend, intensely happy, but the sick churn of jealousy hurt. He’d never ever felt like that for anyone and couldn’t imagine anyone falling so hard and fast for him. 

“Wow,” Minsoo looked back and forth from Mingyu to Wonwoo and over at Minghao trying to disappear into his chair. “Any artists on that Hot 30 list?” she said and Minghao shrank. “Tell me about Yun,” Wonwoo said to break the mood as he picked at his plate, “he’s all Mingyu talks about.”

“Who’s Yun?” Minsoo asked and Minghao suddenly realised he’d never mentioned his son to her. He probably should have said something before she agreed to the date but his son wasn’t some sort of disclaimer or deal breaker. “He’s just turned four and he’s a handful. He’s too smart for his own good and he loves cats.” Minghao smiled to himself as he pulled out his phone and showed Wonwoo a cute photo of Yun giggling in Mingyu’s arms.

“You have a son?” Minsoo asked and Minghao showed her the photo. “Yes. I have full custody; his mother isn’t in our lives or even in the country.” He was ashamed of the fact that, in reality, he had no idea where she was.

Silence descended over the group like a thick heavy cloud.

“How sweet,” Minsoo cracked first and the comment seemed so abjectly detached. She smiled at the photo like Yun was a puppy or some kind of exotic bird. Her eyes were curious but wary and Minghao pulled his phone back. 

She’d get used to the idea. He knew it was probably a bit of a shock.

“Show me this baby who’s my only competition for Mingyu’s heart.” Minghao looked up to see warmth in Wonwoo’s eyes and an outstretched hand for the phone. Minghao was overwhelmingly grateful for Wonwoo’s interruption especially considering he knew Mingyu had a whole camera roll full of Yun. 

“He’s beautiful,” Wonwoo smiled as he looked at the picture and handed the phone back. “His name means cloud but that’s a bit of an oversimplification. He’s more of a cyclone,” Minghao laughed nervously but Mingyu waved his hands as he took over the conversation; telling of Yun’s intelligence and sweet personality. Wonwoo watched him with the most fond gaze Minghao had ever seen and he felt jealousy churn in his stomach again as he picked at his food.

Whenever he was home he craved these things, a social life, good food and wine in elegant surrounds. But when he had them in his lap all he could think about was the constant craving to just go home and bury himself where it was warm and safe. It was endlessly tiring.

After another glass of wine and endless mindless conversation they eventually found themselves in the lobby of the theatre. And when they headed into the dimly lit seats Minsoo reached for his hand and he let her. It felt better than nothing.

“Goodnight moon!” Yun chirped happily but his fists rubbed at his eyes almost constantly. He was snuggled warmly in Minghao’s bed with Junhui perched a little awkwardly on the side as he read aloud from the Goodnight Moon book. This seemed uncomfortably intimate, being in Minghao’s bedroom, considering they were barely more than strangers. The room was eclectic, sparsely decorated in the way that spoke of elegance, of selectivity. Everything had a purpose and a place, from the hand crocheted throw rug to the beautiful piece of driftwood on the dresser. Junhui wanted to see more, to get a feel for the taste and predilection of the artist, a window into his mind.

He hadn’t felt like this in a long time. His heart was a throbbing, pulsating open wound. It’s ache every single day was only tempered by the makeshift balm of activity, throwing himself into his work and study, punishing his body with dance. There was a bandaid sealing his broken heart off but maybe it was time to rip it. The edges were itching, screaming at him to expose it, to let the cold air do it’s healing work.

He wanted to know more of the man who was so closed off and chic and yet kept an eclectic collection of frog figurines on his bedroom windowsill. He had a chilling feeling that maybe this is where he would find his heart’s restoration. This felt like healing, this warm home, this lovely little family. He could feel truth in his future as he sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room.

“Goodnight little stormcloud,” Junhui said as he put down the book and turned his attention back to the boy starting to doze. “Goodnight Moon Jun,” Yun laughed sleepily at his own well worn joke and Junhui was endeared to see his little thumb slip between his lips. As if he couldn’t get any cuter. He sat on the bed, one hand on Yun’s back, patting gently as he watched the boy drift away into dreamland. “What do you think she’s like?” Yun murmured right before he went to sleep and Junhui wondered which Mama was on his mind.

“I just didn’t get it,” Minsoo said as the quartet walked out of the theatre in search of taxis. “What wasn’t to get?” Wonwoo stared at the tiny woman with barely veiled disdain, his patience worn thin by her constant stream of interruptions during the show, and Mingyu squeezed his hand in distraction. “I don’t know,” she waved her well manicured hands around to emphasise her point, “I guess the finer points of abstract art are lost on me.” Minghao sucked his teeth as he tried to hold back from explaining the meaning of abstraction, the structure and foundations of contemporary dance, and why true abstraction was possible in visual art but not dance. It was a conversation he didn’t have the patience for at 11pm on the cold city street. 

“It was basically a visual representation of the journey of the human mind through the struggles of trauma and mental illness.” Wonwoo stared warily at her and she stared back and Minghao knew this was the last double date they’d ever go on. “I just like entertainment that’s easy and fun,” she replied and clung to Minghao’s hand again. “We should have went to a movie.” He let her hold his hand, mainly because it was cold, mostly because the warmth of human touch was something he was missing sorely. “Well I liked it!” Mingyu overcompensated for the deterioration of the mood by being way too bright but Minghao appreciated it as much as ever. He could always rely on his best friend to rescue him; maybe a little too much.

When a taxi pulled up beside them Mingyu politely waved them towards it. Minghao held the door open for Minsoo before leaning in and wishing her good night. “I’ll call you,” he said with a smile and she smiled back despite looking slightly bewildered. Minghao didn’t care. He was going home alone tonight and he was sure the offer to call her was nothing but an empty promise.

“She seems..... nice...” Mingyu managed to say as her taxi drove off. “Minghao, I don’t know you well, but she doesn’t seem like-“ Mingyu clapped a hand over his boyfriends mouth in a late attempt at damage control but it wasn’t necessary. Minghao knew. He wasn’t sure he could endure another night like this and he sighed as he leaned against the wall of the theatre. 

“Let’s be honest, she was horrible, this whole night was a failure,” Minghao closed his eyes and rubbed at them tiredly. “Hao,” Mingyu began but Minghao leaned back off the wall and shot him a severe look. “This was all your idea,” he scowled, anger and frustration sorely misplaced, and he saw Mingyu frown back. “My idea? I didn’t invite her. When I suggested it I assumed you’d ask out that Junhui guy since he’s all you fucking talk about these days!” Mingyu rolled his eyes so dramatically and Minghao stared at him open mouthed. 

“Junhui?” he murmured right as a taxi pulled up beside them. He’d never even considered it.There was a thread hanging here, barely visible, begging to be pulled but Minghao was afraid of being unravelled and falling completely apart. He was still so scared of being exposed.

“I’ll see you guys later. Thanks for the tickets.” He climbed quickly into the taxi and waved as it pulled away from the curb. 

City lights flashed across his face, fading to a subtle glow as they left the glare of metropolis and slipped into midnight suburbia. When the pulled up in the driveway Minghao was surprised and a little shaken to see the living room light blaring through the closed curtains. He paid the driver and unlocked the door and was met with the sight of Wen Junhui, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, his regal profile lit by the cheap single bulb illuminating the room in harsh shades of unflattering yellow.

He had books piled around him and when he looked up his expression was one of interruption, but welcome distraction, and he smiled widely but a little shy. Minghao didn’t miss it, the fleeting glimmer of bashfulness that made his handsome features soften, melting into something a little sweeter. “Hi,” Junhui looked behind him to see if Minghao was alone and seemed relieved that he was.

“Hi,” Minghao smiled back. He looked around, seeing his tiny little house tidy and neat, everything in its place besides the study materials surrounding Junhui like a fort. “Was everything okay?” “Of course,” Junhui began to scrape his books and papers off the coffee table and got up from the couch. “How was your night?” “Horrible!” Minghao kicked his shoes off and sank onto the couch as Junhui walked around it to pack his things into his bag. 

“Horrible?” He looked up, questioningly, curious at Minghao’s words. “Yes horrible,” Minghao eked out an awkward little giggle. “My date didn’t appreciate the Sydney Dance Company very much and my friends didn’t appreciate her at all.” He groaned and looked over and when he saw the enthusiasm on Junhui’s face he was stunned. He was absolutely struck wordless by the joy, the excitement on the man’s face, at the mention of the famous contemporary dance company.

“Wow, I’ve always wanted to see them...” his expression faded from excitement into wistfulness and Minghao hated himself. He was so stupid, the answer was right in front of him, but he didn’t have the strength yet to even ask the question. Was he willing to take a leap of faith and once again open up his heart and mind to the risk of pain and sadness and staggering, shattering anger? Was it worth the risk?

He closed his eyes and opened them when he heard Junhui moving around in the kitchen. “Hungry?” the man called out to him and he was. He’d barely been able to stomach the delicate portions of the elegant dinner at the five star restaurant that he’d so badly wanted to visit. Like everything else it had just left him feeling empty and unsatisfied and craving something more.

Without even having to answer a bowl appeared in front of him. It was piping hot, steaming tendrils rising from the bed of white rice, a pile of crispy looking battered chicken nestled in the centre. It was glistening, tantalising with its thick coating of honey and sprinkled with sesame seeds and green onions, and Minghao took it and the chopsticks from Junhui’s outstretched hands.

“Tell me,” Junhui smiled as he sat down next to Minghao with his own bowl of leftovers. “Tell me about the dancers. Do they still have that incredible dancer with the beard and the red hair?” Minghao took a bite of the chicken and the savoury sweetness was incredible. 

As he began to talk and Junhui curled himself up to listen the clock ticked past midnight and into the small hours. And by the time he laid his tired body down next to his son sleeping peacefully Minghao was feeling better than he had in a long time. 

He wanted to keep Junhui close, but was content to call him friend for now.

For now it was just enough to make his heart open a little; a crack big enough for the right person to worry their way in and make themselves at home the way Junhui seemed to already be doing.


	14. Chapter 14

Minghao woke to the blare of his alarm, and empty bed beside him, and the sound of laughter coming from the living room. He yawned and stretched as he clambered out of bed and threw a shirt on over his bare chest.

His steps were soft and silent as he slipped out of his room and lingered in the doorway. The scene in front of him seemed too perfect to interrupt. Nestled on the couch, snug and warm under the multi-coloured throw rug, Junhui and Yun were giggling over a plate of toast and the antics of We Bare Bears. He had no idea how long they had been awake for; it was only 7:30am. 

Yun usually woke with the sun and came in to wake Minghao but this morning he must have found Junhui already awake instead. Minghao watched them giggle and Yun lean in closer to whisper something funny to Junhui, whether it was actually funny or not was irrelevant, the man’s eyes wide and his head tipped back with laugher. With the sun beaming in through the open curtains everything was bathed in soft shades of pink and gold and glowing yellows and oranges. It made Minghao happy to see his little son so happy and he was overwhelmed with an urge to just join them and bask in their happiness like it was the warming rays of the sun.

He looked at the clock, mentally calculating the amount of time he had to get ready, taking into account the fact that Junhui had already fed Yun his breakfast. He couldn’t resist joining them. He’d make the time up elsewhere.

“Good morning,” Minghao smiled as he slid under the blanket next to Yun. “Daddy!” Yun leaned into Minghao’s body and snuggled against him so cutely smearing Minghao’s t-shirt with Nutella. “Junnie!” he said just as brightly as he leaned to the other side and pressed his face into Junhui’s chest. It was warm under the soft blanket and Minghao relaxed as he laughed at the matching Nutella streaks he and Junhui were now sporting on their t-shirts.

“Sleep well?” Junhui asked as he shifted the blanket and got up. “No!” Yun’s arm shot out to grab Junhui and try and stop him from moving but Junhui pushed him away gently. “I’m making your Daddy a coffee Yun. I’ll be back in a minute.” His words were firm but kind and his eyes were soft and Yun accepted it easily. “Okay,” he chirruped happily and snuggled back into his nest like a little baby bird.

Minghao looked down at Yun’s head next to him and began to run fingers through his dark hair. “Tickles Daddy,” the little boy said but never shifted his eyes from the on screen antics of Panda. Minghao watched him stuff another finger of Nutella covered toast into his mouth and when he looked up a cup of coffee was being placed in front of him. “Thank you,” he said softly, for the coffee but for so much more. This was the nicest morning he’d had in a long time.

They didn’t talk. They just sat and sipped their hot drinks with Yun laughing between them, the scent of milk and hazelnut and coffee filling the air, and it was perfect to Minghao. He never wanted to move. Unfortunately, he had to, and when the episode finished and his coffee cup was empty he stood up and got Yun up too.

“Time to get ready for the day,” he said and Yun, usually so defiant in the mornings, surprised him with his enthusiasm. “Junnie’s house today!” he said as he bounced to his feet and back and forth on his toes. “Yun,” Minghao frowned at the little boy’s enthusiasm, “who said you could speak to Junhui so casually?” Yun’s bottom lip dropped, he was naturally predisposed to good behaviour and hated being chastised, but Junhui just smiled. “We’re basically best friends now right?” his eyes flashed with mischief and laughter as he looked over Yun’s head at Minghao. “We might as well be now we’ve even had a sleepover.”

Minghao relaxed a little. Sole parenting was hard. There was no one else to blame if people thought Yun was naughty or rude, no one to tell him it was okay to have Nutella for breakfast every morning , no one to nod with approval when Minghao made the millionth difficult decision. It was all on him. Every single moment, every decision, every action fell on his shoulders. This morning the burden seemed lessened somewhat and his shoulders felt a little lighter. It felt wonderful.

By the time he was dressed and ready for work Yun and Junhui were ready to leave. “Don’t worry about driving us,” Junhui slung the kitten backpack over his shoulder, “we’ll walk over to my house. It’s such a nice morning out.” Minghao nodded and walked over to his car and pulled out of the driveway as Junhui and Yun, hand in hand, rounded the corner in the direction of Junhui’s house.

“What do you mean you don’t have a bike?” Junhui said as they walked side by side. They stopped to cross the road and Junhui looked both ways and Yun copied him, his head turning back and forth exaggeratedly, making the man smile. “I don’t know I just don’t have one.” 

Junhui frowned a little. Every kid needs a bike. He wondered if Minghao had something in particular against bike riding, didn’t have the money, or just didn’t have the time to teach him. He shrugged a little and decided to take a detour on the way home. There was a little strip mall of shops between their houses, the same place he called in to get groceries on the way over the night before, and he knew there was a toyshop there near the back. It wasn’t his place to interfere but they were kind of past that anyway.

“We’re friends right?” he asked Yun as the little boy lagged a bit in his steps and the childish giggle that came back in return made his heart warm. “Of course Junnie. You’re the best friend I ever had.” “Okay, well, sometimes friends have secrets.”

The toyshop was just opening when they walked in and there was a whole row of bikes at the back of the small shop. “Can I buy these assembled?” Junhui called out to the shop assistant who came over to help. “It’s a $20 charge to take one from the floor.” Junhui considered that $20 well spend. “What do you like better Yun? Red or blue?” the little boy’s eyes widened as he stared up at Junhui in wonder. 

“Really?” he asked and Junhui nodded. “Yes, but don’t let your Dad get mad at me. Okay? Don’t tell him; let me tell him.” Yun’s eyes blinked wide and excited at the idea of having a secret. “Why won’t Daddy like the bike?” he asked and Junhui didn’t have the heart to explain to him the pressures and the insecurities of being an adult. “He will Yun. It’s just better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission.”

Yun’s curiosities were gone with the wind when Junhui handed over his credit card and they walked out with the bike, complete with training wheels, and a shiny new blue helmet. “I really want to ride it!” Yun jumped up and down as Junhui dragged the bike across the grass by the handlebars and Junhui had to hush him. “When we get to my house. I have plenty of space in the yard for you to practice.”

Minghao walked in to the gallery with a fresh spring in his step. He smiled brightly at Jeonghan and wandered around a little before taking up a place behind his easel and canvas. The idea of being an artist in residence was still something he was getting used to. He’d always been quite private about his creative process but he was getting used to painting in the gallery space. The lighting was, of course, incredible and Jeonghan was very generous with time and hardly left Minghao in charge. This morning he was a little more curious than usual.

“You seem happy,” Jeonghan, grinned and Minghao eyed him as he began to get his paints out. “I am,” he said cautiously and Jeonghan grinned even wider. “I guess your date went well then. Minghao’s face fell at the reminder and he shook his head. “No, no it didn’t, we didn’t have anything in common.” Jeonghan looked at him curiously but, to his credit, knew when not to push.

Minghao began to mix the greys and indigos of his current work, turbulent and oppressive on the canvas, as Jeonghan watched him. “I’m sure there’s someone else out there for you then,” his words were light but they made Minghao’s heart feel heavy as he regretted the choices he’d made in the last week. There was someone out there, someone perfect, someone who made him feel like the world was more than just black and grey and depressing shades of indigo. Someone who made him see the world with more beauty than he had in as long as he could remember. Someone light and fun and full of joy but with a baseline of strength, of a comforting inner vitality.

Minghao grabbed the canvas and took it from the easel. He moved it aside and leaned it carefully against the wall on the side of the studio and wrapped it with a spare drop sheet. He felt something else growing inside him, something more graceful, and picked up a huge blank canvas.

He stood and hummed softly to himself, mixing a pallet of golds and oranges and both soft and bright pinks. As he began to lay the paint on the canvas in heavy-handed strokes he felt something inside him flicker and flutter into life. Something he hadn’t felt for a long time. Something warm and comforting that smelled vaguely of coffee and Nutella soaked toast.

The morning flew past so quickly that Minghao missed his finish time. When he checked his watch it was already past 1pm and he hoped Junhui wasn’t mad. He knew he had to be at the youth centre by then. He searched his pockets for his phone and it was on silent but the text message had been send twenty minutes ago.

_“Meet us at the Youth Centre,”_ was all it said.

Junhui looked over to the corner when Yun had abandoned his phone. He seemed happy enough; Junhui had found a beanbag in one of the other rooms and the little boy was sprawled out comfortably. He was watching Junhui intensely, gaze burning into him from across the room, and Junhui wondered what he was thinking. He was mostly a happy little boy but he was prone to bursts of melancholy that Junhui knew an almost-four year old shouldn’t have. When he caught his eye Junhu smiled and Yun smiled back and Junhui relaxed as he led his clas through the rest of the choreography.

As he waved his students out to door Yun got up and ran over to him. “How much longer?” he asked, just a hint of whine in his voice, and Junhui shrugged. “Sorry little stormcloud. Your Daddy will be here to take you home any minute.” “Don’t want home,” Yun pouted. “Can Daddy and me come to your house again?”

Junhui shook his head. “I have another class later. And I’m in charge of fruit today too and I can’t let the other kids down. Sorry.” Yun’s pout deepened and Junhui had to quickly think of something. “Want to see what I’m working on?” Yun nodded and Junhui sat on the floor and began to unlace his jazz shoes. When his feet were bare he walked over to the beanbag and picked up his discarded phone to connect to the sound system. Yun flopped back into the beanbag to stay out of the way and when the music started playing, the rich vocals filling the air around them, Junhui began to dance.

As soon as the music started he lost himself. All the shackles of his past, his emotional baggage, his heartbreak were all shed like an unnecessary skin. He forgot about Yun in the corner, Minghao on his way, the students due in half an hour. He forgot about his friends and his family and his past love who couldn’t be saved. Junhui wanted to save the world; but he couldn’t even save Renjun from himself. He inhaled and exhaled and tried to let it go, resentment and regret flowing out of his limbs like water, cold and strong but without the cleansing he craved.

His limbs swayed like supple willow and his back arched like branches in the breeze. His hair was like straw in a strong breeze and his footsteps light as he danced across the floor. He closed his eyes and focused on nothing but the ebb and flow of his muscles forced into a gentle submission. 

He danced until his thighs burned and his stomach ached and he wished for a downpour of rain. To dance in the rain meant he could let it all out; in the rain his tears would be hidden.

The song ended and so did his dance. He came to a stop gracefully, limbs folded carefully, body still wound like a tight spring. His hips were loose as he stretched in the split and enjoyed the burn in his groin. One knee drew up to meet his chest and he raised his hands delicately towards the roof. Only then did his concentration falter and he looked over at Yun’s enraptured expression. It wasn’t for him, he soon realised, when he turned his head and saw Minghao watching on from the doorway.

Junhui wasn’t even a little bit self conscious. His dance was stunning and, while it needed some work, he was immensely proud of it. He stretched as he stood and smiled at Minghao who wore the heavy expression of someone shaken and a little stunned. “I’m sorry,” he hung his head and if Junhui didn’t know better he’d think Minghao was shy. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.” “You aren’t interrupting,” Junhui stepped forward with his hand outstretched. “I have twenty minutes before the next class.”

Afternoon sun beamed in through the high windows as time stood still around him. Minghao was swept up in so many emotions, grief for the loss of his own love of dance, envy of the way Junhui’s body moved so fluidly across the floor, admiration for the backlit beauty of the man walking towards him. He mumbled some words, incoherence hidden well, his subterfuge concealing his turbulent storm of emotions. After spending so many days, weeks, months; even years mired in the inescapable well of numbness he was incapable of fighting it. He let Junhui grab his wrist and pull him into the middle of the floor and before he could protest the man was kneeling in front of him.

“W-what are you doing?” He asked and Junhui just chuckled as he untied Minghao’s shoes. “You’re going to dance with me,” Junhui said as he lifted one ankle and then the other, sliding the shoes out from under Minghao’s feet. 

“Yun come help me!” The mischief in Junhui’s voice was evident and the little boy bought into it straight away. “I don’t know,” Minghao said awkwardly as Yun, giggling hysterically, grabbed his shoes and ran over to the edge of the room. “Yun do you want to see Daddy dance?” Junhui’s eyes sparkled under the dance studio’s downlights and for a moment Minghao wondered how he hadn’t noticed them before. The deep dark brown so rich and warm you could just melt into them and disappear, the flecks of gold that flittered around the edges like the dust motes catching the mid afternoon sun, the lashes fringing them so delicately and hiding the joy Junhui was trying to contain inside.

This was the moment when Minghao saw him; truly saw Junhui for who he was and what he could be. The storm, the wild winds and flooding rain, the wild tempest raining chaos and havoc down only to wash away the scars of the past leaving the landscape renewed. A healing.

Minghao’s eyes cut across the room to the expectation on Yun’s face. He hated to let him down but it wouldn’t be the first time and definitely not the last. He couldn’t do this; he hadn’t danced for years and while the memory of the feeling still lived in his heart his body felt a million years old. He shrank a little and was just about to back away when Junhui’s fingers slipped from his wrist to grab his hand. “What are you so afraid of?” Junhui said softly, a whisper hidden from Yun with intent, and Minghao had never felt more exposed.

“Everything,” he said quietly, so honestly, that it shocked him how easily the word left his lips. “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Junhui’s face had lost its sparkle and moulded into something much more candid and sincere. “It’s just us here.” 

“I don’t know the steps.” A part of Minghao wanted to fall through the floor, to fade away from this feeling, but a bigger part wanted to live again. To grasp with courage at the tiny kindling starting to smoke inside his chest and fan the flames into something stronger, something wilder, something to make him feel the fire he used to have inside.

“Just follow along with me and if you can’t just make it up.” The mischief was back, the glitter in his gaze, and Minghao couldn’t say no to it. It was far too late anyway. Junhui already knew too much, he’d seen so much of what Minghao was hiding from the world, concealment was almost impossible. And he was tired of it, so tired of masking and pretending, of being strong and stoic, for once he just wanted to fall apart. He craved release, to rip his chest open and bare his soul, to pick at the threads and rent wide open and let everything pour out onto the floor.

The music started and he watched JinHo walking back towards him. So poised, an image of perfection, immaculate and graceful beyond description. He had no time to think; to resist. Junhui took his hand again and pulled and his body gave way, became the ebb to Junhui’s flow, and melted into the melody as it filled the room. He followed along, sometimes matching Junhui, sometimes his opposite, sometimes just doing what felt right. He stretched into a deep lunge and watched Junhui’s body contract into a stunning leap, and wondered if he could still do it. 

He moved into space and Junhui instinctively gave it, his legs seemed to dig into some long buried muscle memory, and before he consciously knew it Minghao was flying. Time slowed down again as the wind caressed his hair and his legs stretched out beneath him and adrenaline pumped through his veins. His feet hit the floor lightly, gracefully, and the rest of the song was a blur. As the final noted sounded and the vocals faded out with the last keys of the piano Minghao began to breathe again. 

He was close, too close, the pleasant scent of Junhui’s deodorant filling his nostrils. The barest familiarity accompanied it and Minghao realised what it was. It was his shower gel on Junhui’s skin still fragrant from the shower he’d taken that morning in Junhui’s bathroom and it felt nice to have their lives linked in such an arbitrary way.

His chest heaved with the exertion and Minghao let out a breathy laugh that soo exploded into a giggle. His eyes met Junhui’s and the look in them was so soft it stole his breath again. “He laughs like you,” Junhui’s eyes flickered over to where Yun was watching them, “I didn’t realise because I’ve never heard you laugh before.”

The room spun and narrowed sharply into a single point of focus. It was those eyes, so perceptive and so knowing, able to convey so much without a single word. And in that moment, in the blazing glow of mid afternoon sun, Minghao remembered. He remembered what it felt like to spread his wings, to fly far and free, and without the fear of falling. 

He remembered what it felt like to have someone ready to catch him.


	15. Chapter 15

“I think I might ask him out.....” Junhui’s eyes had taken on a faraway quality as he stared out his kitchen window. He finished filling the kettle and turns back to see Soonyoung staring at him with an indecipherable expression. 

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” His hands shook a little as he put the kettle onto the base and flicked the switch. It roared into life almost immediately and he looked at Soonyoung again who still hadn’t answered him. Junhui’s brows furrowed quizzically and Soonyoung walked over to find the coffee mugs. “If you’re sure. I just don’t want you getting hurt.”

The sentence was laden with the heaviness of a past shared under thick blankets through long dark hours. 

“I didn’t mean like that,” Junhui blushed, backtracking as he found his favourite black tea and put a bag in each mug, “there’s a popular children’s band coming to the city next week and I thought Yun would really like to go. They’re called Bubblegum Funk and they’re having a reunion stadium tour.”

He heard Soonyoung sigh heavily and turned around to face his friend holding out the milk carton. “Jun, please, I’m worried. You’re already so....... attached. If this goes wrong-“ “It’s not going to go wrong,” Junhui interrupted him and took the milk. “We’re just friends and I like the kid as well.”

He pretended Soonyoung didn’t notice the bike leaning up against the front steps but it screamed of Junhui’s attachment. He handed Soonyoung the mug of hot tea and blinked back the look of guilt in his eyes. “Okay I like him,” he conceded at last. “I haven’t liked anyone since Renjun,” his voice was hushed, almost reverent, as he mentioned the name of his past still sweet on his lips.

“He’s nothing like Renjun,” Soonyoung said as they settled on the couch. “I know,” Junhui let a small smile cross his lips as he breathed in the steam from his mug. “He’s nothing like him at all.”

Dancing with Minghao was a revelation. He’d witnessed the raw hunger, the craving in the man’s eyes, the pure desire leeching from his pores as he stood silent in the doorway. It hadn’t taken much cajoling to get him to join in . What had surprised Junhui was the ease with which Minghao had joined him making the solo a coherent duet.

Minghao was strong and resilient under the veil of vulnerability he wore. It was evident in the way he was easily lured into throwing off the shackles of his daily life and giving himself willingly to Junhui’s dance. It was beautiful and rocked Junhui to the core. He’d spent the whole afternoon trying to remember every beat, every nuance, every detail in the dance they’d danced around each other. 

He’d asked him so bluntly and the honesty in his reply made something inside Junhui flare into life. “What are you so afraid of?” Junhui had asked him and the answer was laid so bare.

“Everything.”

Pain, shame, the feeling of being let down. The terror of exposing the core of who you are to someone only to have them dismiss your value as something trivial and to be toyed with.

The gut wrenching feeling of instinctive protectiveness; of being tied to another human being who depended on you for everything, who’s life was in your hands. 

Junhui understood all of that. He understood it so well.

“It’s just us here.” 

Just the two of them, circling each other, just beginning a slow dance of discovery. A choreography of trust and a journey of learning how to feel whole again.

It wasn’t just them though. There were always going to be three people in this relationship and Junhui understood that. He knew Yun had to be the priority.

“I’ve got a problem,” Minghao eyed Yun carefully but the boy was happily playing over on the slide and not paying attention.

“Okay,” Mingyu smirked at him as he looked over at Wonwoo happily stuffing his mouth with a double cheeseburger, “have at it even though I know where this is going.” Minghao scowled but continued. “I’m thinking about asking him out.” Mingyu didn’t even have to ask whom. He’d been delighted to see the slow changes taking place in his best friend’s demeanour over the last few weeks. It was subtle, the random faraway look his eyes would take, a small smile to himself when he thought no one was watching, the spring in his step fuelled by his relaxed limbs.

“You should,” Mingyu tried to keep his excitement down to a simmer. Minghao was like a wounded deer, one sharp start and he would be bounding away in swift retreat, so he edged a little closer. He spoke a little softer. “I’m sure he’ll say yes. You have so much in common.”

“So what’s the problem?” Wonwoo asked, genuinely curious, as he took a sip of his Coke. “I told you we could go somewhere else for dinner,” Mingyu said as he watched on but Wonwoo laughed loud, low and deep. “Burgers are my favourite. I’d come here every day!” Minghao just shook his head. He hated sitting in the germy McDonalds outdoor area but it was the only place where he could keep Yun amused long enough to actually ingest something. Besides Junhui’s house of course. Sitting on the plush couch drinking tea while Yun searched for the cats was the most relaxing half hour Minghao had experienced in years.

“The problem is, first of all, I need someone to watch Yun.” “Us!” Mingyu jumped in straight away, “Definitely us. Don’t you dare ask the Stepford Gays.” “Who?” Wonwoo said with a mouthful of burger and Mingyu just shook his head. “Our other friends. You’ll meet them soon and realise how inadequate your existence is compared to their perfection.”

Minghao sat awkwardly while the two did that thing they always did, staring, not speaking, somehow coming to a silent conclusion. “We’ll babysit him. Wonwoo will help me. He can sleep at my place; he’s old enough for that right? And then you can really enjoy your date.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes as Mingyu wriggled his eyebrows and Minghao blushed up to the tips of his ears. “Okay, sure, thank you. So the other problem is what should I plan?”

He wished he could go back in time and have those dance tickets again but the past was the past and regrets weren’t going to do him any good anymore. He had to learn to let go and move forward.

“What sort of food does he like?” Wonwoo asked and Minghao smiled to himself despite his desperate need to play down his feelings. “Chinese food. Um, definitely spicy food, which I can’t eat.” “Okay, what about dinner at that Chinese buffet on the waterfront?” Wonwoo said as he finished the last bite of his burger. “Then you can walk along the beach and maybe even have a drink at one of the little pop up bars along the bay.”

“You’re really good at this,” Minghao conceded as Mingyu made heart eyes at his boyfriend. It was a perfect plan. It didn’t sound too expensive or too formal and he was sure Junhui would like it. “Okay so when can you babysit?”

“Babysit who? “Yun appeared beside Minghao and clambered up onto his lap. “You little man, you want to have a sleepover at Uncle Gyu’s house? Wonwoo will be there and we can watch moves or do whatever you want.” “I already had a sleepover with Jun,” Yun said as he reached over onto the tray and took a chicken nugget, “why can’t have another sleepover with Jun I like Jun.” Minghao didn’t know what to say. “Don’t you want to sleep at Mingyu’s house?” he looked down at Yun dragging the chicken nugget through a container of sweet chili sauce and licking it off before starting all over again.

“Junnie’s house has cats. And a bike!” the chicken nugget fell onto the table as Yun’s eyes widened in terror. “Oh,” he stared down at the chicken nugget before picking it up again. “The bike was supposed to be a secret.” “What bike?” Minghao said as Yun’s bottom lip trembled. “Don’t be mad at Junnie Daddy. He wanted me to have a bike and I wanted to learn so he bought it to keep at his house and it’s red and it has a bell and a helmet and I like it please don’t be mad.”

Minghao sighed. “I’m not mad Yun, okay?” The little boy slid from his lap and under the table to reappear on the bench seat between Mingyu and Wonwoo. “He said we could keep it a secret until he talked to you but why? Why don’t you want Junnie to buy me a bike?”

Minghao didn’t know. He never considered them poor, they always had the essentials, but the luxury of an impulse purchase of such significance had been out of his reach. Bikes were for birthdays not casual Saturday shopping trips. The fleeting moment of his pride grappling with his heart passed and he relaxed, as he felt warm all over. Junhui was truly the most generous person he’d ever met.

“I’m not mad,” Minghao reiterated, “I’ll talk to Junnie about the bike.” “Junnie?” Mingyu smirked and Minghao kicked out at him under the table.

“So can I have the sleepover at Junnie’s house with Mittens and Socks and honey chicken and the bike?” Yun swung his legs as he sucked the sweet chilli sauce from the soggy nugget and Minghao knew where he was getting his taste for the spice. “No the sleepover has to be with Mingyu so I can go and do adult stuff with Junhui.”

“Adult stuff what kind of adult stuff?” Yun’s eyes flicked from Minghao to Mingyu and dared a glance at Wonwoo. “Yeah Minghao what kind of adult stuff?” Mingyu’s smirk was so strong he looked like his face was going to explode and even Wonwoo had to stifle a giggle. “Um, just adult stuff, okay?” “Okay Daddy,” Yun seemed satisfied as he handed Mingyu the soggy nugget and ran back to the slide.

“Adult stuff?’ Mingyu laughed again and Minghao shook his head. “Why would he buy my kid a bike?” “Well,” Wonwoo drawled in his low baritone as a smirk formed on his face as well, “If I was trying to date a guy who had a cute kid I’d fork out for a bike.”

“Maybe he’s just a really nice person?” Mingyu suggested and Minghao nodded. He was just a really nice person. The nicest person he’d ever met. Junhui’s beautiful spirit radiated out of him, shades of pink and gold and sparkling turquoise blue, leaving traces of him in everything he touched. Everywhere he went his joyous and willing generosity trailed behind him and Minghao couldn’t help but see him in everything from the colours shading the sunset sky to the tiny flecks of chilli clinging to a piece of uneaten chicken.

Junhui’s existence was a beautiful dance and Minghao felt himself falling easily into step.

Junhui smiled to himself as he waited near the entrance of the childcare centre. He had Yun’s kitten backpack slung over one arm and the little boy was happily playing off to the side with some farm animals. He felt good, he was confident; he was going to get the answer he wanted. He just knew Minghao would say yes. 

At least, that’s what he convinced himself, as he waited impatiently for the man to arrive at the childcare centre. Finally, after watching most of the other children leave in the arms of parents, the door opened and Yun’s eyes brightened.

“Daddy! Daddy’s here did you paint a lot today did you sell any paintings? Did you see Uncle Gyu?” “Yes, no, and no!” Minghao laughed as he swooped the boy into his arms and Junhui was a little taken aback at how joyous he seemed. It was like a veil had been lifted inside Minghao, his face shining bright and warm, eyes soft and without the hard edge that always tinted his expressions with caution. He looked happy. It made Junhui happy.

“Everything okay today?’ he held his hand out for the backpack and Junhui handed it over. “Sure. I, um, can I walk you out? I wanted to ask you something.” He didn’t miss the slight widening of Minghao’s eyes. “Alone,” he whispered, pointedly, eyes flicking to Yun nestled tiredly into the crook of Minghao’s neck.

“I’ll just be a minute,” Minghao said as he buckled Yun into his carseat. “I’ve got to talk to Junhui about something.” “Adult stuff?” Yun asked, eyes barely staying open, thumb already moving towards his parted lips. “Sure,” Minghao closed the door and turned back to Junhui waiting nervously.

This was it. 

_You can do it_ ; Junhui thought to himself, it was the perfect plan. If it was for Yun Minghao surely wouldn’t say no. He’d lied to Soonyoung, trying to deflect attention from the way had fallen for the artist, the allure in everything he did. The way he moved, the light in his eyes when he looked at his son, the purity of his ethics and his devoted commitment. He was everything Junhui ever wanted. Strong, capable, dependable. Someone to lean on, someone to care about, someone to be a partner for and with.

He’d made this mistake before but he’d learned, he’d grown and he’d changed, and he was more careful now. At least, he told himself that, even as he felt himself falling headfirst into warm brown eyes that sparkled under the pallid glow of yellow streetlights.

“So…” he felt thick in the mouth, like his tongue was too big, like he couldn’t make the right words. But he persevered. “I was wondering if you were free this weekend.” Minghao’s face fluttered from confused to expectant in an instant and Junhui felt warm all over. “I, ah, I guess it was maybe a little presumptuous but I got us tickets to see Bubblegum Funk. The three of us.” Junhui’s confidence sank when Minghao’s eyebrows furrowed then smoothed out. It was fleeting but Junhui hadn’t missed the way the other man had seemed momentarily disappointed. 

“Sure,” Minghao answered warily. “That’s very generous of you. Is it Friday night or Saturday?” “It’s Saturday afternoon.” Junhui felt empty, Minghao had said yes, but there was something missing. Some part of the joy or excitement had been stolen from the moment and he didn’t understand why. “He’ll be so excited. The purple one is his favourite.” Minghao suddenly smiled widely and Junhui felt a little better. He’d do anything to make that smile spread across Minghao’s ethereal features more often.

“Maybe we can get dinner together afterwards?” Junhui was pushing now but Minghao nodded. “Let’s surprise him.” He looked over into the car window and Junhui did too and at the sight of Yun, head lolling to the side and thumb firmly planted in his mouth, their gaze met in a quiet smile.

He waited until they drove away before grinning widely and mentally patting himself on the back. He did it, after all this time; he finally found a reason to be happy again. Something besides filling his days endlessly with work and study to plug the gaps he was threatening to slip through.

“ _Sleepover is cancelled,”_ Minghao messaged Mingyu as soon as he got home, “ _change of plans.”_

“Wow!” Yun’s eyes gleamed at the sight of the sleek black SUV that pulled up in the driveway. “Junnie’s car looks like a tank!” 

Minghao joined him at the window out of curiosity. He’d only ever seen the man walk everywhere so when Junhui said he’d drive them into the city he was a little surprised. Of course his car was modern and sleek and so shiny. Junhui really had it all. It didn’t make him jealous, just wistful, one day he’d have it all too and be able to afford a car that could make Yun’s eyes light up in excitement.

He was just thankful that since he’d started working he had money to fill up his old rust bucket with petrol. 

He jumped back from the window as Junhui got out of the car. He was dressed a little more formally than Minghao expected; a pale teal blue button up tucked into the front of jeans. His hair was styled up off his forehead and a single chain glinted in the sunlight as he walked the path to Minghao’s front door like it was his own personal catwalk. Anxiety and excitement swirled in Minghao’s stomach at the sparkle of afternoon sun glancing off Junhui’s flawless complexion. He was beautiful.

He looked down at his borrowed jeans and well worn old cardigan and tried not to feel inadequate. He didn’t know he should be dressing up for a kids concert. 

“Hi,” he said a little shyly as he opened the door. “Hi,” Junhui replied, “did you tell him?” Minghao shook his head as he moved to let Junhui inside. “You can. It’s your surprise.”

“What surprise?” Yun jumped up and into Junhui’s arms. “Wanna go see Bubblegum Funk?” the man staggered back a bit with their combined force and Yun frowned at him. “On the tv?” He reached a hand up to Junhui’s cheek, so calm and so naturally affectionate, and Minghao felt that lurch in his stomach again. “No little stormcloud. In real life!” Junhui watched Yun frown again and think before breaking out into a wide smile. “In your car?”

“Yes in my car!” Junhui laughed loudly as he put Yun down on the ground and looked over at Minghao with the softest eyes the man had ever seen. It was terrifying, the effect it was having on him, and Minghao couldn’t even remember when it started. 

“Now?” Yun bounced on his toes as he clung to Junhui’s hand. He reached the other out to clutch at Minghao and the calm that settled over him was fresh and cool like the promise ofpetrichor on a summer breeze.

He took Yun’s other hand and nodded down at him. “Yes now.” 

“Front row?” Minghao stared down at the lanyards Junhui held out in his hand. “Why not?” he shrugged. “Yun won’t be able to see anything from the back row.” They bypassed the long lines out the front in favour of the ‘A’ class ticket line which was much shorter. Minghao stood next to Junhui while Yun wandered over to the glass walls and pressed his face against it to look inside.

“I really appreciate this,” Minghao said as he stared at the ground. “There’s nothing till appreciate. This isn’t a favour Minghao,” he looked up to see Junhui’s face serious for once. “I wanted to spend the afternoon with you.” Without Yun clinging to them Minghao allowed himself to believe, just for a moment, Junhui meant him too and not just Yun. 

They followed the line inside and past a huge stand of merch. Yun’s eyes lit up and before Minghao could stop him Junhui was letting Yun drag him towards the mountain of yellow and pink and purple and blue. Despite Minghao’s quiet protests Yun ended up with a doll and a hat which he perched proudly, and a little crookedly, on his head. Minghao tucked the doll in its bright purple tshirt under his arm and Yun grabbed his hand and Junhui’s and the three of them walked into the huge stadium to find their seats.

Three hours later Minghao was exhausted. The concert had been high energy and Junhui insisted on dancing with Yun in the aisle until the little boy begged him to rest. The group had put on an impressive performance considering it was their ten year anniversary tour. Minghao didn’t know how they kept their energy up. He didn’t know how Junhui kept his energy up; his vivacity was incredible. Minghao was tired just watching. His stomach rumbled and his head was starting to pound and he still had to get Yun fed and bathed before he could even think about sleep.

To his relief Junhui, a mountain of impressive stamina, just hoisted Yun onto his back as they wandered out to his car. Minghao didn’t ask Junhui about the car seat that was safely installed on the backseat, the same way he didn’t ask why the man had paid for the expensive tickets, the same way he didn’t question him when he handed Minghao a bottle of water when he got into the car. That’s just the way it was with Junhui around.

Over the span of the last few hours he decided to give up on wondering why and just enjoy it. He leaned back into the plush car seat and felt his headache wane as he sipped the water and let Junhui take over. It was a welcome relief.

He didn’t take much notice of where they were headed until they were there. The drive from the city back to the leafy streets of suburbia had seen the sun drop down and the ombré skies of sunset descend silently. Junhui turned the car into a side street and parked out the front of a tiny restaurant with red lights illuminating the front window. “Still awake?” heasked softly and his eyes flickered over at Minghao before he turned to check on Yun in the back.

“Yes,” Yun pouted a little petulantly. “Not bedtime yet and I’m hungry Junnie.” Minghao was about to chide him again but Junhui met his eyes and shook his head gently. He relaxed again knowing he could just let it go.

A little bell announced their arrival in the empty restaurant dining room. As soon as the tiny old woman saw them Junhui was immediately overwhelmed with hugs. “Hello ā’yí,” he said as he let the woman pat his cheeks and squeeze him in another hug. 

“And who is this handsome man?” she winked at Junhui who blushed a little and Minghao realised she didn’t know he could understand.

He greeted her and she cackled with laughter at her mistake. When Yun addressed her slowly with his minimal mandarin Minghao felt so proud. The scent of spice and beef in the air, the language and the decor, it all felt so welcoming to him and so much like home. His stomach rumbled again and his mouth watered at the thought of the delicious dishes that were going to come out of this woman’s kitchen.

It didn’t disappoint. They squashed into a small booth in a back corner out of the way and Yun happily stuffed his face with whatever they put onto his plate. He clutched his purple clad doll and used his hands to pick strips of beef and broccoli and no one minded his manners at all.

Minghao ate well and listened to Junhui’s stories about how the woman who owned the restaurant came into the cat shelter and ended up going home with a kitten and a promise Junhui would come in for dinner. “Kitten?” Yuns ears perked up and Junhui laughed. “Not anymore little stormcloud. Daisy is a cat now and she’s not here, she’s at home.”

By the time they’d finished it was almost 7pm and Yun’s eyes were struggling to stay open. This time Minghao carried him out to the car and buckled him in before climbing into the front seat. He had a five minute car ride to work out how to put into words how much he’d enjoyed the day and how grateful he was to Junhui for treating them.

“Am I going to Uncle Gyu’s now?” Yun piped up from the backseat as Junhui drove and Minghao turned in confusion. “No, why?” “Remember?” Yun said as he clutched at his doll. “I’m gonna have a sleepover with Uncle Gyu so you and Junnie can do adult things.”

Heat as cold as ice raced up Minghao’s body and into his cheeks which felt like they were on fire. He wanted the universe to swallow him whole so he could disappear but instead he had to endure the last few minutes of the car ride in a very awkward silence.

“Go put your purple guy in your room,” Minghao unlocked the front door and let Yun run inside. “Ah, thanks for today,” he turned back to find Junhui right behind him. “About what Yun said....” he ran a hand through the hair at the nape of his neck. “It’s fine,” Junhui said but his cheeks were as pink as Minghao’s ears. “Kids say all sorts of weird things.”

Minghao shifted from one foot to the other. There was something sizzling in the air between them, something intangible and difficult to grasp, but he wanted to try. He wanted to reach out and grab it so bad it hurt his chest and tingled down his spine.

“Can we do this again?” Junhui said delicately, cautiously, as he shifted a little closer. “Maybe on our own next time?” Minghao couldn’t hide the anticipation in his eyes as he blinked up at Junhui, the slight height difference suddenly magnified. “I’d really like that,” Minghao whispered and he really thought, if Junhui could just move a little closer, he might really just burst into flames.

It was happening. Junhui grabbed one of his hands and stroked Minghao’s cheek with the other. It was electrifying and Minghao wanted to preen, to nuzzle into his palm like one of his many rescue cats, it had been so long since he’d been touched like this. He exhaled and blinked as Junhui cupped his cheek and leaned in closer and he closed his eyes in giddy anticipation.

“Daddy?”

Minghao sighed in desperation. “Daddy?” Yun was watching them from inside the doorway as they stood just on the other side. “Daddy can I watch We Bare Bears?”

“Yes, go and then the tv on, I’ll be inside in just a minute.” He hoped the moment wasn’t lost forever and, to his delight, it wasn’t. As soon as Yun disappeared Junhui pulled him close again and the clutch of his hand was replaced with a firm grip on his waist. He inhaled and exhaled again and Junhui closed the distance.

As Junhui kissed him, slowly, tentatively, it felt like the final unravelling of everything holding him together. It felt like the pieces of his heart had been holding on by a single thread and Junhui was unpicking it knot by tiny knot and Minghao wanted him to rip the knots free so he could finally fall apart. Only then could he truly put himself back together.

He tasted of spicy beef and the after dinner coffee, of the sweet caramel popcorn he’d shared with Yun at the concert, of the lemonade he’d ordered at the restaurant. Most of all he tasted of Junhui, orange and gold and peach and pink, sunsets and sunrises and the promise of a new day.

His confidence rose as Junhui’s tongue licked softly into his mouth and his hands clutched at Minghao’s waist. He wanted more, hotter and wetter, he craved skin and heat and the feeling of Junhui pressed down beneath him. He wanted Junhui’s hands in his hair and his thighs around his hips and the soft skin of his neck under his tongue. He moved closer and felt Junhui sigh a little into his mouth before pulling away.

“Hi,” he smiled so gently Minghao wanted to melt. “Hi,” Minghao smiled back, a genuine smile, a feeling he’d almost forgotten.

“Daddy!” Yun yelled from the couch and Minghao sighed again. “I’ll see you Monday morning,” Junhui’s hand trailed down Minghao’s arm before lingering near his wrist and it made him crave for more.

He watched him walk away and get into his car before he closed the door behind him and leaned on it in exhilaration. His heart was racing and butterflies filled his stomach as he closed his eyes and relived their kiss.

“Daddy?” Yun called out again and Minghao peeled himself off the door at last.

That sleepover was starting to seem like a really good idea.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have changed the rating to E
> 
> Enjoy x x

Junhui packed his lunch into the fridge and washed his hands. “Good morning,” Soonyoung appeared beside him and waited expectantly. “What?” Junhui turned away but the blush on his cheeks had already spread up to the tips of his ears. 

“Spill. Now!” Soonyoung began to laugh a little too loud and Junhui decided to cave before they attracted the attention of everyone else in the room. “I kissed him,” he said and Soonyoung stopped laughing immediately.

“Seriously?” “Yeah,” Junhui dried his hands on some paper towel and grabbed his mug of coffee off the bench. “I wasn’t sure but we had such a good day and.....” his hands shook a little and he had to put his coffee down.

“I think I really like him. Like _really_ really like him.”

Junhui’s problem had always been selflessness. He’d fallen in love once before and lost so much of who he was to be someone else’s everything. To be someone’s world, their rock, their saviour. He wasn’t going to do that again. He’d learned his lesson, burned too many times over, never again.

He saw himself in Minghao, his selflessness, his sacrifice. But in Minghao he saw responsibility and respectability and pride. In Minghao he saw someone who gave himself wholly and without reservation to another persons needs every single day. But while Junhui had lost so much of who he was Minghao was staunch and stubborn in keeping everything that made him who he was.

Junhui was suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to see his art. He knew he’d love it. He even debated buying a piece just to have a little part of Minghao in his home but he wasn’t sure the other would like the idea. He had a feeling Minghao would see Junhui buying his art as charity and would accept it for what it was.

“Hello?” Junhui snapped out of his thoughts and turned to Soonyoung waving his hands around. “You really went somewhere then. Thinking about the kiss?” Junhui laughed. “No, actually, thinking about his art.” “Well I don’t want to hear about his art.” Soonyoung leaned on the sink and cupped his cheek with his hand. “Tell me about the kiss.”

Usually Junhui would tell Soonyoung everything but he felt unusually protective of Minghao’s privacy.

He didn’t want to tell Soonyoung kissing Minghao felt like heaven. That when their lips touched it felt like he was falling through satin and sand and snow; soft and warm and cold and sharp all at one. That his tongue tasted of both everything they’d enjoyed that day and everything possible in their future and made his stomach churn and swirl with a feeling he’d never had before. That every single step he taken ever since felt like he was walking on clouds of grey and purple with the sparks of lightening dancing under every footfall.

“It was nice,” he smiled at Soonyoung, “I liked it a lot.”

That was an understatement. He craved the searing heat of Minghao’s hands on his neck, their hips flush under the dim porch light, the forbidden pleasure of sneaking a simple kiss while Yun was distracted. It was addictive and he wanted it again.

“Oh my god,” Soonyoung rolled his eyes, “you went away to fairyland again!” Junhui didn’t care. His friend could make fun of him all day. It wasn’t going to stop his incessant daydreaming. “Actually,” he turned to Soonyoung as he finished his coffee, “can I be swapped out to babies today?” Soonyoung nodded, understanding immediately, all too keen to avoid a conflict of interest. The last thing Junhui needed was for someone to speculate or accuse him of favouritism. With Yun, as much as he adored the boy, he’d have to step back as he spent more time with him outside the centre.

“Hi,” Minghao felt so shy. He couldn’t believe he was giddy like this. His cheeks were hot and he knew his ears were red on the tips and even Yun was looking at him suspiciously. “Hi,” Junhui’s smile was dazzling in the early morning and Minghao wondered if he woke up this bright. That sent his brain tumbling down a spiral of images, Junhui sleepily wrapped in cotton sheets, his bed hair wild and his eyelids heavy. Minghao imagined the contrast between his golden skin and crisp white cotton and quickly shook the vision out of his mind. 

“Junnie! Can we paint today?” Yun grabbed his hand and Junhui dropped his lithe 6ft frame down into a crouch. “I’m working in the baby room today little stormcloud.” He ruffled Yun’s hair and took his backpack before standing up. “Jihoon will take your bag and he can set some paints up outside if you like.”

Minghao watched Yun process this unexpected turn of events. Junhui was smart. Minghao had already been worrying a little about Yun wanting all his attention while he was working. When Yun smiled at Jihoonand followed him to the bag area he relaxed and let go of the breath he was holding. “That went well.” “He’s a good kid,” Junhui’s eyes, dark and warm like melted chocolate, were just as soft and sweet. “Anyway I don’t mind taking babies a few times a week.”

The image of Junhui wrapped in cotton sheets had been replaced with an image in Minghao’s mind of him swaying back and forth with a swaddled baby in his arms. It gave Minghao a swooping feeling in his stomach like he was on a rollercoaster and he really felt like he was. A metaphorical rollercoaster of emotions that he never wanted to end. He was enjoying the ride way too much.

The light streamed in and Minghao’s strokes danced across the canvas. He was immersed in what he was doing and it was almost like an out of body experience. Light poured from his brush as it cascaded across the canvas and every layer just seemed more perfect and comfortable. He’d never been one to work with such an array of warm colours but he’d never felt this way before either.

Yun’s mother had been a whirlwind, a cyclone of extremes who blew into his life and upended it, leaving behind chaos in her wake. Devastation and destruction blazed through his past and it had taken him this long to even get close to being able to think straight again. It wasn’t all bad, she had loved him, he had loved her. They’d laughed together and shared so much but when things got tough she couldn’t handle it. Minghao handled it. Someone had to.

This feeling couldn’t be more different. Far from being a cyclone, an uncontrollable typhoon of feelings, this was more like a gently rising tide. Each day his feelings rose higher like the gradual creep up of waves on the shore and he wondered how long it would be before he felt like he was drowning.

“That’s beautiful,” Jeonghan said as he looked over Minghao’s shoulder. “It’s very different from your usual work.” “I know,” Minghao felt a rush of heat rise into his cheeks. “I think I’m making it for someone.”

He had to take a risk. After the kiss he could do nothing but think of the heat of Junhui’s hands on his waist, the perfection of their bodies fitting together just right, the way Junhui’s eyes sparkled with a promise of something more.

He wanted that something more and he wanted it soon.

He abandoned the canvas almost complete so he could bring it home. It could do with a few special finishing touches that Minghao needed help with. 

He was nervous when he picked Yun up from childcare. His jeans had little paint splatters on them and so did his fingertips. He tried to fix his hair in the rear view mirror of the car before he got out but then he noticed the streak of paint in the front and just shook his head. It was a lost cause.

Key words played over and over in his mind so he wouldn’t forget. Saturday, restaurant, buffet, casual, 7pm. He went over and over them as nerves began to churn. He didn’t know why he was so nervous; he was convinced Junhui liked him back. Surely he wouldn’t have kissed him if he didn’t.

He walked into the front entry of the centre, through the child locked double gates, and his stomach lurched again. Junhui was chatting away with a very animated Yun clinging to one arm. The other arm was wrapped securely around an adorable black haired infant with a chubby fist stuffed into her wet mouth.

God, Minghao just wanted to melt away into a puddle, the whole scene was just so beautiful. His own hair was growing out a faded light brown dye but Junhui’s naturally glossy black locks were reflected in Yun’s soft hair and matched by the curls on the baby girl. If there was a perfect picture of a beautiful family this was it. 

Before he settled too deep into his musings Junhui noticed him standing there in the doorway. “Daddy’s here!” Yun immediately dropped Junhui’s hand to bound across the floor towards Minghao who leaned down and picked him up. “You’re getting too big for this,” he said and Yun laughed. “Until I’m four!” He held up four fingers and Minghao silently marvelled at how clever his little boy was getting. “Okay. Just until you’re four. Then you have to walk more and save my back.” Yun began to kick his legs and Minghao put him down before he got a thick soled tiny Nike to the groin. There was nothing worse.

“Hold on,” Junhui said as he walked past them to the door, “just gotta hand this little miss over.” Minghao tried to listen to Yun’s stream of drabble as hard as he tried not to watch Junhui pass the baby over to her mother. Was that a more perfect family picture? A pretty mother and handsome father smiling over a beautiful baby? Had they looked like that before she left them.

“Daddy?” Yun tugged at his hand, aware of Minghao’s distraction, and he shook his head to clear it. A family was what you made it. It didn’t have to look like other people’s expectations; he knew this. He and Yun had been doing fine on their own and they didn’t need anyone else. But it was nice to have someone to lean on, someone who could pick up even just a little of the slack, not necessarily even the physical. It was the sharing of the mental load that Junhui understood. 

“Daddy?” Yun pulled again and Minghao snapped back into reality. “Yes?” “Daddy I made you a present.” Yun pulled the strap of his bag and when it moved a piece of paper was under it. The pride on his face was palpable as he held it up for his Daddy’s inspection.

Minghao stared seriously at the painting before looking down at Yun’s expectant little face. “Your use of colour here is very expressive,” he said seriously as he pointed to the blue sun in the corner and Yun smiled widely. “Actually,” Minghao checked who was listening before he leaned in to whisper, “I’ve got a special project I need you to help me with. But it’s a secret. Can you keep it this time?” Yun nodded with all the earnestness only a young child could muster and Minghao ruffled his hair.

“Sorry,” Junhui’s apologetic eyes were warm and dark, “that took longer than I thought. Yun had a great day today and I see he’s already given your present!” Minghao grabbed the kitten backpack and as they walked out to the car Junhui followed him. He opened the door and Yun climbed in and began to buckle himself. 

“Um, so, I was thinking....” Minghao swallowed heavily but the lump in his throat wouldn’t shift. “I, ah, there’s a nice place on the waterfront, it’s Chinese buffet.” He shifted from one foot to the other and eyed the big canvas sitting on the backseat besides Yun’s car seat.

“It’s nice, casual, and I guess 7pm? If you could be free for that?” 

_Shit_.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and tried to get his brain under control. When he opened them he wanted to disappear. Junhui was staring at him with an expression that could only be described as fond and Minghao wanted to capture it forever. Why was he so nervous? Why was he making such a mess of this?

“I’m going to start again. On Saturday, this Saturday I’d like to take you out for dinner, at 7pm. The restaurant is supposed to be very good and it’s just casual, it’s a buffet, all Chinese food. If you’re free.”

“I’m free,” Junhui smiled, so gentle but so intense, his body shifting a little closer to Minghao’s as he replied. It was subtle but thunderous in the silent carpark, the ease of his body language, the way they both subconsciously gravitated towards each other. If Minghao was the Earth then Junhui was the moon, a comforting constant but maintaining his distance, his strength pulling the tides of Minghao’s emotions into a gentle ebb and flow.

“Good,” was all he could muster in response. His body felt like it was on fire, he knew there was no way Junhui would risk his job or his professional reputation, but the desire inside Minghao flared nonetheless. Maybe if it was a little darker, a little later, Junhui would steal a kiss from him right here in the childcare centre carpark.

“Should I pick you up?” “No,” Minghao knew his 1997 Hyundai was far from a luxury ride but he needed to drive over to Junhui’s house or his plan wouldn’t work out. “If I can leave my car at your house I thought I could drive over and we could take a cab?”

His initial plan had been to drive them but the way Minghao was feeling right now indicated he’d need at least a few wines to get through the evening. “So Saturday at 7pm?” Junhui took a step back and the tension broke a little. Minghao just nodded and got into his car. 

He had so much to do now, so much to plan and organise, and he knew exactly where to start. Yun eyed him with curiosity as he lugged the canvas inside and his eyes grew even wider when Minghao asked him to follow him into his home studio. “Wanna see?” he asked when he leaned the canvas against the wall and Yun bounced on his toes with excitement.

“Daddy!” he cried out when Minghao pulled the drop sheet off exposing the beautiful crimson and cerise painting. The canvas was completely coloured in soft shades of peach and mauve, bold vermillion and vivid canary yellow, it was a riotous highly strung delight of colour and life. 

“What is it?” Yun asked and Minghao sat cross legged on the floor and pulled Yun into his lap. “What do you think it is?” 

Yun’s little fingers reached out to trace the impasto but pulled back instinctively. Minghao took his fingers in his own and helped him gently trace the hills and valleys his technique had sculpted the oil paints into. “It looks like clouds,” Yun murmured softly as his little eyes widened and danced across the canvas. “And waves here, and here......” he fell silent before turning to grin at Minghao. “Daddy this is a happy painting!” “Yes it is,” Minghao cuddled him closely and pressed a kiss into his dark hair. “It’s for Junhui and I want you to help me finish it.”

Minghao placed the pallet of metallic gold paint down in front of the canvas along with a selection of brushes. “What do I paint?” Yun asked as he passed over all the brushes in favour of one. It was a nice round medium brush and Minghao nodded at his choice. “What does Junhui make you think of?”

Yun tapped his chin with the brush and thought hard. “Chicken!” he said brightly and Minghao laughed. “Chicken? That’s what you think of Junhui?” Yun thought a little more carefully, his face a little less serious, and he leaned over and dragged his brush through the metallic gold paint. He stood up from Minghao’s lap and painted a fluffy cloud in the top corner of the canvas before turning back to grin proudly at his Daddy.

“See! He always calls me little stormcloud but I’m not little I’m almost four!” “It’s perfect!” Minghao ruffled his hair and marvelled are how smart Yun was. He hated to be that sort of parent but he really thought Yun might be artistically gifted, being able to paint such a pretty cloud, able to articulate the mood of the painting so well.

Half an hour later the canvas was accentuated with little gold touches. A few more clouds, a few flowers Yun said were the tsubaki Junhui loved to tend in his yard, and of course two cats in the bottom corner. There were a few nonsensical swirls and splatters of gold that Yun couldn’t explain but Minghao definitely agreed with. He was pretty sure it was his favourite thing he’d ever painted. “Our first collab!” He high fived Yun and led him out into the kitchen in search of some dinner.

“Are you and Daddy having a sleepover?” Yun’s legs swung back and forth as his heels banged into the cupboard. Junhui winced and grabbed him by the waist to lift him off before he put a hole in the wood. “What makes you say that?” Yun shrugged. “I’m having a sleepover and it’s fun. You should too.” Junhui grabbed the plate of sandwiches and followed Yun to the couch where We Bare Bears was blaring loudly. 

“Why can’t I come with you to the adult things?” Yun persisted and Junhui put a triangle of cheese sandwich into his hand. “Sometimes it’s nice for your Daddy to go out to a place with just adults. The way you like to come to childcare and play with all the fun toys and the other children.” “But there’s adults at childcare so why aren’t there kids at dinner?” “Yun, sometimes that’s just the way things are. If you came to dinner you’d eat and then get bored but adults think sitting still and talking are fun. Sometimes Daddy’s need to have that kind of fun. Quiet fun.”

Yun chewed his sandwich and stared at the tv. Junhui smiled to himself as he watched the little boy enjoy his early lunch. He was so bright and incredibly mature and insightful for his age. 

“Quiet fun makes Daddy happy,” Yun said. “He’s happy a lot now.”

He didn’t miss a beat, completely unaware of the bomb he’d dropped inside Junhui’s chest as he reached for another triangle of sandwich. “What makes you say that?” Junhui was almost afraid to break the tension wound inside his chest but Yun was all to quick to shatter it into pieces. “He smiles all the time now and he talks about you a lot.”

Junhui’s chest clenched.

“He doesn’t even drink much wine now,” Yun reached for his apple juice and Junhui laughed under his breath. Minghao would die of embarrassment if he heard Yun discussing his drinking habits.

“He even let me help him with something but it’s a secret.”

Junhui’s curiosity was immediately piqued. He didn’t want to assume it was a surprise for him though. It could be anything.

Silence descended on their little lunch as Junhui helped himself to a sandwich. All he wanted was Minghao’s happiness and to be even a small part of that was a privilege and an honour.

“I’m happy Daddy’s happy now.”

Yun’s chubby fingers slipped inside Junhui’s big hand and squeezed and Junhui’s heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t fuck this up. He’d never forgive himself. He’d have to tread along carefully, more carefully than he had so far, making sure to keep a clear head on his shoulders. There was too much at stake to behave recklessly.

Nonetheless the recklessness couldn’t really be contained. Junhui was never very good at

reigning in his joie de vivre, so naturally exuberant and effervescent, and before he could think twice he had Yun’s shoes and backpack out.

“Have you ever seen Daddy’s work?” Junhui helped Yun step into his shoes and slung the backpack over his shoulder as Yun shook his head.

Minghao was starting a new work, a little green and grey, something a little unusual. He felt light this morning. He’d rushed out when Junhui had arrived but even just seeing his face had polished the dullness off the morning. He was so excited for tonight his hands were trembling a little and he was thankful for the fact that they were quiet. No one had wandered into the gallery besides a middle aged couple out for a morning activity. 

He scraped his brush across the pallet and expertly spread colour and form onto the canvas. The clock ticked on the wall and he was wondering if he would be able to pack up a little early today. Honestly, opening the gallery on Saturday mornings was kind of a waste, they never had any serious buyers on the weekend. Jeonghan considered the tourists and casual browsers as excellent exposure for the gallery and Minghao though. So he got extra money and extra time to paint in peace and now he had free babysitting as well. Not much to complain about.

“Hey,” Jeonghan wandered in and handed him an envelope. “The sales from the gallery party all settled and here’s your cheque.” When he opened it Minghao wanted to cry. He’d be able to pay some advance rent and have plenty left over to throw Yun a birthday party next month. He’d never had one before and the idea didn’t seem so daunting now. Especially now Yun had other children in his life and it wouldn’t just be him and Mingyu, Seokmin and Joshua. 

It was a shame he didn’t have the money in time to get himself a new outfit for his date but it didn’t matter. Yun was going to have the best birthday party ever. He slid the cheque back into the envelope just as the little bell over the gallery door chimed out its musical welcome. Minghao turned to expect more tourists but instead he got Yun waving in excitement as he clung to Junhui’s hand.

Junhui smiled too, his other hand carrying a tall clear coffee cup, and Minghao smiled back. “Daddy!” Yun called out and dropped Junhui’s hand so he could run into Minghao’s open arms. “So many paintings!” Yun giggled as Minghao lifted him high and then realised they should be quiet. He hadn’t really been working here that long and didn’t know how Jeonghan would feel about a personal visit.

He had nothing to worry about. Just as Junhui handed Minghao the icy frappe Jeonghan breezed in and looked around at the small group.

“Well well,” he smirked as he looked from Minghao to Yun and over to Junhui. “What a beautiful family.” Minghao put Yun down and the little boy remembered his manners immediately. He greeted Jeonghan with a bow and the gallery owner shook his little hand. “It’s so nice to meet you young master,” Jeonghan’s smile was sunny and warm and his eyes were kind. 

“And this is Junhui, my.....” “Babysitter.” Junhui swiftly interjected and Jeonghan shook his hand too. “Babysitter,” Jeonghan eyed him up and down with a sly smirk, “and he even delivers coffee. Maybe I need a kid...” Junhui laughed a little awkwardly and stepped forward to take Yun’s hand.

“My apologies, we were on our way to the park and we decided to call in, we won’t distract Minghao from his work.” “Don’t be silly,” Jeonghan said, “Minghao’s family is always welcome. Have a look around. He’s finishing up in fifteen minutes anyway.”

“Show us around,” Junhui said and Yun grabbed Minghao’s hand. “Please Daddy show us the paintings please and the light you always talk about the light.”

“Wow,” Junhui eyed the large and oppressive paintings on the walls. They were emphatic smears of grey and black and morose indigos. Minghao knew the type of buyer they attracted and could imagine their homes with his art front and centre. It was the kind of life he’d always imagined for himself, cool and chic, before life had its own ideas.

“How much do these sell for?” Junhui was eyeing a particularly onerous piece, large and grey, and Minghao wondered why he was asking. It would look terrible in Junhui’s warm and inviting house. He’d never pictured him as a collected either. “Most sell for $1000 to $3000 depending on size. More for a specific commission. Jeonghan’s really generous and only takes a 35% commission.”

“Stand there!” Junhui pointed to Minghao’s work space, beautifully lit in the morning sun, and waved Yun over to stand with him. “Daddy is this the light?” Yun looked around towards the floor to ceiling windows and Minghao lifted him up into his arms. “Yes,” he said softly, gently, as he brushed a strand of hair away from Yun’s eyes.

This was definitely the light.

He turned and posed with Yun in his arms and Junhui took a few photos. “Cute,” Jeonghan said as he appeared again, out of nowhere, and reached for his phone. “Go stand with them.” Junhui looked like he was going to argue but Jeonghan was the most persuasive person Minghao had ever met and it was a little amusing to see Junhui wither in the face of his staunch opposition.

“Okay,” he said and moved to stand a little awkwardly next to Minghao. “Closer!” Jeonghan said and they shuffled a little closer before Yun decided he wanted Junhui instead. Just as he lurched out of Minghao’s arms Jeonghan snapped the photo and looked at it straight away with a smile before taking a few more.

“Here,” he said as he handed the phone back to Junhui who now had his arms full of Yun. “Now pack up and go. I’ll lock up after I finish some paperwork.”

Minghao sipped his frappe while he picked away his pallets and washed his brushes. Junhui had taken Yun outside to the park across the road and he was in no rush. Things were hurtling at top speed and he needed to gather his thoughts a little. Yun had so readily and easily accepted Junhui into his life and his adoration of the man was obvious. It terrified Minghao down to his bones. 

Yun had already lost his mother; a loss only tempered by his age and his lack of memories. It was a part of him that would always be missing, empty, a void unable to be filled. Minghao couldn’t allow himself to be the cause of him losing Junhui. Was it a risk it was worth taking?

As he left his phone buzzed and the message was from Jeonghan. The photo, beautifully backlit and glowing golden, was stunning. The laughter in Minghao’s eyes, the smile on Yun, the comical shock on Junhui’s face as he scrambled to catch the little boy diving into his arms.

It was then that Minghao realised he’d risk it all if this was the reward. They deserved to be happy. He deserved to be happy.

He walked out to find Junhui and Yun in the park. They weren’t on the swings or the slide, they were cross legged in the grass, and when Minghao walked over he saw why.

“Snails,” Yun said simply as he pointed to the creatures they’d gathered between them in the damp dew. 

“Ew,” Minghao laughed and recoiled a little and the two on the grass laughed at him. They left Junhui in the park, despite offering a ride, the man preferring to make the short distance to the youth centre on foot.

“Don’t forget the surprise Daddy!” Yun had his kitten backpack loaded with pyjamas, toothbrush, stuffed cat and clean clothes. He had his pillow and a highly prized bag of gummi bears already packed into the car. Minghao was usually reluctant about too much sugar but he was going to be Mingyu’s problem for the night anyway.

“I won’t forget,” Minghao assured him even though the painting was already resting on the backseat of the car. “Make sure you tell him I helped!” Yun was almost beside himself with excitement and Minghao decided they might as well leave. Yun babbled non stop the whole way there and Minghao was happy to entertain it. It kept his mind off the next few hours.

He pulled up at Mingyu’s building and got out. He carried the kitten backpack and the pillow while Yun clutched his beloved gummi bear bag and toy cat and they rode the elevator to the floor Mingyu’s stunningly chic apartment was on.

The entry way was dominated by one of Minghao’s pieces, a gift of course, and it suited. The ominously dark lines matched well with the cold glass and obsidian decor. This was where Minghao’s art belonged; his emotions, his trauma, all his frustrations. On the walls of professional 20 somethings with too much money and not enough taste. The piece in the car was different. It was a new beginning in so many ways.

“Hi Uncle Gyu what’s for dinner and can I eat these yet?” Yun held the bag of gummi bears up proudly and Mingyu laughed as he lifted him up. “Don’t carry him around all night,” Minghaoput the kitten backpack down and sank onto the couch. “He’s getting too old for it.”

Wonwoo came out of the kitchen with a pizza menu in his hand. “Hi Minghao,” he tossed the menu down on the coffee table. “Wonwoo’s going to stay and watch movies with us but he’s not staying over,” Mingyu took the backpack and threw it in the doorway of his room, “it’s just us having the sleepover.”

Minghao was grateful even though it wasn’t necessary. But knowing Yun would be curled up next to Mingyu all night made him feel a little bit more at ease. 

“Surely you aren’t wearing that?” Mingyu eyed Minghao as Wonwoo put a coffee in front of him. “Of course I’m wearing this. The restaurant is casual and it’s really all I have.”

The jeans were clean and rip free and his button down was white and plain. His shoes were the only ones he had that weren’t covered in little paint splatters, he’d tossed his favourite grey cardigan over the top, and he thought he looked fine. “Please?” Mingyu had that look in his eye and Minghao shook his head. “No, please, I feel comfortable like this. I don’t need you to dress me up tonight. It will make me self conscious.”

“Just a shirt? Please?” Mingyu’s eyes pleaded and Minghao caved. “Okay, just a shirt, no eyeliner and no jewellery.” Mingyu mock saluted and disappeared, returning quickly with a black shirt on a hanger, and Minghao shook his head in fervent disagreement. It was lace down the front and way to revealing, just enough space between the pattern to expose a little skin. “Just try it on,” Mingyu begged and Minghao sighed. “Fine,” Minghao took the shirt into Mingyu’s room and tried it on. With his cardigan over the top it would be fine for the restaurant and the revealing nature would be concealed. 

“Yes!” Mingyu clapped his hands together when Minghao walked out. “No, really?” Minghao was unsure. “Hao,” Mingyu’s eyes turned soft and, looking over at Yun playing with some cars in the corner, moved closer to whisper. “Seriously. You need to get laid. It’s been years.” “I know that,” Minghao snapped back a little too caustically but Mingyu just laughed it off. “Wear the shirt. Make him weak. Make him want you.”

It had been a long time since Minghao felt wanted.

“Okay.”

“Have fun Daddy doing boring adult things like eating and sitting still!” Yun gave Minghao a kiss on the cheek and Minghao squeezed him tight. “I will,” he said softly into the little boy’s raven hair. “Call me if you need to,” he handed Yun over to Mingyu who shook his head. “I won’t.”

When the door closed behind him Minghao didn’t know how to feel. Anxiety, relief and excitement, all burning from his stomach up into his chest. He pushed it down and walked back to his car and drove over to Junhui’s house.

Now he was here he wished it was a little smaller. In his mind it had seemed a small thing but now he was trying to get the canvas out of the backseat of his car it seemed more and more like a grand gesture. The canvas was 120 x 120, a pretty standard size for a large piece, but a statement nonetheless.

He hoped he liked it. He hoped his generosity wasn’t misplaced, Junhui had given him so much, he really had no other way to show his appreciation. It was too late now to back out. He carried the canvas wrapped in plain brown paper up the porch stairs, placed it beside the front door, and knocked.

When the door opened he’d had never been so grateful for Mingyu and his stupid revealing lace shirt. Junhui’s idea of casual was a gorgeous deep plum shirt, matte silk and expensive looking, with a little delicate embroidery on each collar tip. It was tucked in at the front, into a pair of dark denim Levi’s, neat and casual and stunning all at the same time. 

“Hi,” Junhui said and his eyes were warm, appreciative without leering, shaking just a little at the sight of the black lace hidden underneath Minghao’s soft grey cardigan.

“Hi,” Minghao’s words were husky and he felt himself wanting to giggle. Excitement and anxiety swirled in his stomach making him feel light headed and he reached down to pick up the canvas leaning beside the door. “I have something for you,” he said as Junhui stepped aside letting him into the house. “Hao, no, I don’t need presents,” Junhui whined but the nickname that slipped from his lips fuelled Minghao’s confidence a little. He loved the way it sounded and he wanted to do whatever he could to hear it again.

“You’ve given me so much already, besides the free babysitting, you’ve been so good to both Yun and I and we wanted to make you a gift.” Minghao pulled the canvas into view. “You can’t say no when it’s from Yun. I just hope you like it.”

He shifted impatiently as Junhui tore the brown paper and wondered, not for the hundredth time, if he’d done the right thing. When Junhui exposed the beautiful art, all velveteen lines and insinuated clouds and implied sunsets, the dampness in his eyes was all Minghao needed.

The work was resplendent in pink and peach, dappled sunlight alluded in the glow of orange and lemon and vanilla, the childish scrawls of cats and clouds and icecream cones covering the bottom half with gilt and gold. 

“W-we made it just for you,” Minghao stammered, suddenly shy, suddenly looking for retreat. “I love it,” Junhui put it down gently, just quick enough to stop Minghao’s retreat by reaching for his hand. He was suddenly so close. “I know it’s just the start of our night but I’d really like to kiss you please.” Junhui’s hand reached up to fidget with a loose strand of hair and Minghao melted a little closer to him. “I’d like that a lot,” Minghao replied, inhaling just in time, and then Junhui was kissing him again. 

It was slower this time, tentative but unafraid, careful rather than scared. Junhui’s lips were silken and satin and sweet, melting like fairy floss against Minghao’s, like icecream dropped in the fierce summer sun. It was hot and then hungry, desire and passion compelling their bodies closer, and when Junhui parted his lips and licked gently into his mouth Minghao wanted to prostrate at Junhui’s feet and beg for all the secrets of his body.

He didn’t. He just let Junhui kiss him, wet and slow, gentle and ravenous and so delicious. And when the other pulled back Minghao didn’t want to run away. He wanted to stay, to huddle and to hold, to bury himself inside Junhui’s gentle smiles and breathy laughter. 

“We can’t just stand here all night,” Junhui said and Minghao released the giggle that had been building for days. “Why not?” he laughed and it was contagious; his happiness reflected in Junhui’s eyes. “Come on, I’ve already booked a cab, let’s get some dinner.”

“This place is perfect!” Junhui was almost dancing as he hurried toward the restaurant. Minghao had to agree and made a mental note to thank Wonwoo for the recommendation. The restaurant was on the waters edge with a long outside deck and, as it was high tide, completely over the water. They gave their names and were ushered outside to a table for two under a string of fairy lights with the sun setting warmly in the background.

Junhui ordered them drinks from the bar and, to Minghao’s relief, he was drinking as well. Minghao had been worrying about keeping conversation going without Yun around as a buffer. What would they talk about?

Surprisingly, after two wines and a plate full of delicious morsels, Minghao was chatting with ease. He now knew all about Junhui’s work, hisbest friend Soonyoung who Minghao had met at the centre, and his studies. He knew about his volunteering, his community work, his family at home in China. Talking about his younger brother and how much joy he brought made Minghao realise exactly why Junhui chose to be an educator. Junhui loved his life in Korea but working with children allowed himself a little part of home.

Fairy lights bobbed in the breeze and Minghao let his guard down. “I’m sure you want to know about Yun’s mother,” he said as he stabbed a slice of decadence devils food cake. “I already know enough,” Junhui said warily and Minghao looked up from his plate in surprise.

“Complete absence of her anywhere in your life and your home tells me she’s gone, probably abruptly, and a long time ago.” Junhui’s eyes were so sympathetic but without condescension. “Look, my dad left us when I was a kid, I know what it’s like. I also know Yun doesn’t remember her. He asked me about my Mama.”

Minghao’s eyes burned as he stared at Junhui from across the table. “What did he ask you?” “Just what she was like. Then he asked me if you were looking for a new Mama for him. It was the night you went on the date.”

“Fuck,” Minghao dropped the cake fork and stared at it. “I try to pretend it’s not affecting him.” “Hey,” Junhui reached out and took his hand from across the table and rubbed soothing circles on the back. “It’s okay. Yun is loved. He’s safe and loved and happy.” When Minghao looked back up from the cake into Junhui’s warm expression he relaxed again. He believed him; Yun was happy and that should be enough.

“It’s just been the two of us since he was six months old.”

The grip on his hand grew tighter, a little warmer, as Minghao spoke softly in the crowded restaurant.

“I don’t know how I managed. Mingyu helped me a lot, my other friends helped me too, but it was hard. It’s why I gave up dance.”

Junhui squeezed his hand and Minghao wanted to dive into his arms. Years of being alone; of carrying his loneliness and crippling responsibilities alone were unravelling as he sat in the restaurant.

“I gave up almost everything. She hasn’t tried to contact us since Yun turned two, she sent him that damn cat that he loves, and watching him carry it around kills me. It’s just a constant reminder that I, we, weren’t worth it. We weren’t worth staying for.”

He’d said too much and looked away again. He heard the scrape of a chair and silently pleaded with Junhui not to leave. Not to run away, to see something in him worth staying for, something worthy of care and comfort andvalue.

He sat still, afraid to look up, until he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. “Come on,” Junhui said as he pulled Minghao to his feet and wrapped an arm around his slim waist, “let’s get out of here.”

There was a bar just along the road from the restaurant with tables right on the sand. Junhui ordered a round of drinks, a rich Shiraz for Minghao and a huge brightly coloured cocktail for himself. “What the fuck is that?” Minghao giggled and Junhui crooked an eyebrow. “It’s delicious. You should try it.” 

He held it out and Minghao let him press the cold glass to his lips. He took a sip and made a show of mock disgust but really it tasted delicious. A small drip of the bright purple liquid escaped his lips and Junhui leaned over and kissed it away making Minghao blush as pink as the sugar on the glass rim of the cocktail.

“You’re worth it,” Junhui said suddenly and Minghao frowned. “What?” “I said you’re worth it.” Junhui tipped his head back and downed the rest of his cocktail and stared at Minghao with a new expression. The warmth was still there but the simmer had begun to boil and Junhui pressed his body closer under the dim glow of the bar lights. 

“You’re worth it. Yun’s worth it. You’re both worth staying for. If she couldn’t see that then she’s the one lacking. Not him and not you.”

Minghao didn’t know if it was the four glasses of wine in his stomach or the intensity in Junhui’s gaze but he believed him. He was worth staying for to the right person.

“Sorry,” he said, suddenly self aware, “I’ve made tonight all about my baggage.” Junhui just moved closer still and finished his cocktail. “I want to know you though. Besides, I have my own baggage....” “But you seem so....” Minghao interrupted him but he couldn’t find the right words. “You seem to have your shit together.”

Junhui burst out laughing. “Me? Have my shit together? Please....” he looked over at the bar and Minghao shook his head. He finished his wine and put the glass down. He didn’t need another one. He’d rather have his hands free anyway just in case Junhui wanted to hold them again.

“Ok then. Unload your baggage.” Minghao closed the last inch of distance between them as they huddled in the booth. Their thighs were pressed together and Minghao suddenly felt warm, too warm, and wanted to take his cardigan off.

“Fine. I came to Korea for a fresh start. I had to get away from a toxic relationship and end it once and for all. I like to keep busy because I have to feel useful and I guess that’s what got me into the situation in the first place....”

Minghao held his breath as he waited. He’d been dying for this window into Junhui’s mind but now he had it he wasn’t sure if he could take it. He wanted to reach out and hold his hand, the way Junhui had done to him in the restaurant, but he was so used to being guarded it didn’t come naturally.

“I met Renjun first year of university. I went to an amazing art school with a strong ballet program. Renjun and I were the only two males in it so of course we naturally were drawn to each other.”

Minghao felt the sharp twist of jealousy pinch at his insides and he pushed it down as deep as he could.

“I was committed but, to Renjun, succeeding was everything. We started dating and fell in love a little too fast. It was only then that I began to see his competitive side.”

Junhui blinked a few times and Minghao reached out. It was just his hand but it felt like he was holding Junhui’s whole heart so carefully in his palm. He gave it a light squeeze and Junhui continued.

“There’s limited male parts in ballet so of course we had to compete for roles. I could never win. I was never the ballerino. We were almost on par technically but I was too creative and Renjun had the ideal ballet look. Despite this he was crippled by insecurities and I fell too easily into the caretaker role.”

Minghao could see that. Junhui gave himself so freely and willingly and generously that it made him feel physically sick to picture someone taking advantage of that. 

“He got thinner and crueller and it was only when he fainted backstage once that I found out he wasn’t eating. Like not even a little bit. He hadn’t eaten for days and he was hospitalised.”

Tears shone in the corners of his eyes and Junhui laughed awkwardly. “I always wondered how he maintained that perfect dancer physique.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes and just breathed. 

“We kept breaking up and getting back together, old habits die hard I guess, but it was so toxic. When he finally got professional help and began to heal I left. I don’t know if him needing me was what kept us together but I quit ballet and transferred my studies here. I miss my family and sometimes I miss ballet but I have a freedom here to be my own person without all that baggage.”

“Are you free now though?” Minghao asked and Junhui chewed his bottom lip as he thought hard. “I wasn’t sure until I met you. Now I know I am.”

Minghao stood up and pulled Junhui to his feet. “Let’s get out of here,” he said as he held tightly to his hand and led Junhui out through the maze of tables and chairs and people.

It was cool outside but Minghao was still buzzing from the heat of their bodies and the glasses of wine. He sighed and slipped his arms free from his cardigan as they walked along the beach. He still felt light headed from all the wine and the deep conversation and he didn’t even notice Junhui staring until he turned back to see why he was lagging.

“You okay?” he asked as he stood under a streetlight bordering the road between the beach and a strip of houses. “No,” Junhui said as he crowded close, “if I knew that was hidingunderneath I wouldn’t have been able to even hold a conversation tonight....” Minghao drew in a breath and held it as Junhui moved in even closer. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured and Minghao blushed. “That’s just the cocktails talking,” he laughed and Junhui shook his head. 

“No it’s not. You’re beautiful in this,” his long fingers traced the delicate collar of the lace shirt and Minghao shivered. “You’re beautiful in this,” he took the old grey cardigan from Minghao’s hands and put it down on a bench just outside the glow of the streetlight.

“You’re most beautiful when you’ve been painting and you have little speckles all over your hands and your shoes and in your hair.....” Junhui’s hands traced the long locks hanging around Minghao’s face, faded brown dye and dark roots, and Minghao wanted to melt. He stammered a little as he tried to get his brain to say something, anything, but all he could manage was a heavy sigh of satisfaction.

He waited to see if Junhui was going to kiss him but instead he squeaked with surprise as he was pulled into his arms.

“Dance with me!” Junhui’s eyes flashed with mischief as he whirled Minghao around. “There’s no music,” he tried to protest but soon feel into the rhythm of their beating hearts as Junhui swayed their bodies together. 

It didn’t take long before their dance became slower in time with their breath. Finally, finally, Junhui kissed him again. It was a little wet, a little too giggly, but so soft and so delicious. When Junhui licked softly into his mouth he tasted like raspberry skies and summer sun showers and made Minghao feel like his past was just a memory.

Drunk under a streetlight in the middle of the night Minghao felt his heart finally picked to pieces. Every single thread pulled, every knot undone, his heart rent open and bleeding and ready for catharsis.

He was scared, he knew that, but for the first time in a long time his heart was leading the way. “Can we get out of here,” he echoed Junhui’s words in the bar and Junhui smiled at him. “You want to come home with me?” “More than anything....” Minghao entwined their hands together as they headed towards the main road in search of a cab.

Just as they reached the road Junhui suddenly turned back. “Wait here!” he said and took off leaving Minghao standing alone on the side of the road. He frowned, puzzled, until Junhui reappeared with his cardigan in his hands.

“You forgot this,” he wrapped it around Minghao’s shoulders gently, “lucky I remembered it.” “What would I do without you?” Minghao’s smile faltered as he realised what he said but Junhui didn’t seem to mind. He just waved down a cab and bundled Minghao and his favourite old cardigan inside.

“Just one stop,” Junhui told the cab driver as he wrapped an arm around Minghao’s shoulder. He settled comfortably into the warmth of Junhui’s body and relaxed as he remembered another cab ride not too long ago. The parallels were so stark, a belly full of alcohol, the flash of streetlights in a long dark street. Last time he couldn’t wait to escape and get home. This time he never wanted it to end.

“I’m not making presumptions,” Junhui said as he took Minghao’s hand and helped him from the cab. “I wish you would,” Minghao replied. He was still a little tipsy from the wine but just enough to lower his inhibitions. As Junhui fiddled with the keys in the lock he moved in close and nosed gently at the soft skin of Junhui’s neck. He smelled so good, of clean aftershave and fruity cocktails and the salty scent of the ocean. In that moment he was all Minghao wanted. Happiness was within his grasp at last.

“Hao,” Junhui gasped as Minghao crowded him through the doorway and into the living room. “Please,” was all he could whisper as he gripped him by the waist and pressed gentle kisses into his neck. “Please, I want you so bad,” he confessed as he filled his mouth with little tastes of Junhui’s skin, his neck flushing pink wherever his lips trailed.

“I-I haven’t done anything like this in a long time......” it wasn’t a lie. His only other experience with a man was early in his first year of University and he was so drunk he could barely remember. “You’re so good to me Junhui. I promise I can be good to you too.”

“Are you s-sure?” Junhui stuttered and Minghao realised he was nervous; more nervous than he was.

“What are you so afraid of?” Minghao said softly, his lips hot and heavy as he dragged them along Junhui’s jawline. “It’s just us.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Junhui tipped his head back and let Minghao trail his tongue down his neck and just under the collar of his shirt, “I’m scared because it’s you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Junhui said and Minghao stared at him in the dim light of the living room. “I don’t want to hurt you either.”

Junhui must have found what he was looking for in Minghao’s eyes. He grabbed him by the hand and led him down the hallway to a neat and comfortable bedroom. The bed was king sized and plush with thick feather quilts and pillows. 

Minghao toed his shoes off as Junhui sat on the edge of the bed. He was at a bit of a loss but he was just going to make up for it with enthusiasm. He wasn’t going to let this chance at happiness slip through his fingers. He was just going to do to Junhui all the things he liked being done to him. He meant what he said, if he was given the chance he would be so good to Junhui, he had all the love inside him just waiting to give it to the right person.

He moved to kneel at Junhui’s feet and untied his shoes. He slipped them off and ran his hands up Junhui’s thighs as he watched the man watch him. This was exactly how he imagined it, Junhui’s thighs around him, the look of expectation all over his beautiful features. 

“Are you sure about this?” Junhui blinked in the dim light and Minghao crawled up his body. “I’ve never been more sure of anything. I want you so bad....” he nosed into Junhui’s neck again before working the top button open on his shirt. He sighed at the sight of Junhui’s sharp collarbones and undid the rest of the buttons. 

It was dim in the room, cool and fresh, and Minghao’s hands were fire where they landed. He parted Junhui’s shirt and pressed gently on his chest to make him lay back on the bed. Hunger filled his stomach as he traced circles across Junhui’s flawless chest, feeling the twitch and tension in the muscles, lingering across his hard nipples.

He wanted to taste it all.

His flat tongue laved wet and warm across Junhui’s skin and when he arched underneath him Minghao groaned. He wanted to be careful and he knew he should be patient but he was so hard his jeans felt like they’d shrunk. He took one nipple into his mouth, as pink as it was perfect, and sucked gently. Junhui moaned again and Minghao felt his hips grind down against him. He was pressed flush against Junhui who was sprawled on his bed, shirt unbuttoned, hair askew. 

It was everything he’d imagine and more. He wanted it all and he shifted his weight so he could reach between Junhui’s legs. He could feel how hard he was through his jeans and he began to palm at Junhui’s erection making him squirm underneath him.

“Wait-“ Junhui suddenly shifted and scooted back up the bed. “What’s wrong?” Minghao moved his weight off Junhui and sat back on his heels. “If you don’t want to we can stop.”

“It’s not that, I do want to, so badly.....” Junhui’s Adam’s Apple bounced as he swallowed.

“I just need to know......” his eyes shook as he stared at Minghao in the dim light of the room. Everything seemed to suddenly fall silent as Minghao reached out to take his hand.

“Hao, I can’t just walk out as easily as I walked in. I need to know this means just as much to you as it does to me.” His bottom lip trembled a little and Minghao felt suddenly sober.

He had nowhere to run from, nowhere to hide, no pretence and nothing to shield him.In that moment he realised he didn’t want to run. He wanted to reach out and be a comfort for Junhui the way he was for him.

“I can’t make any promises about the future,” Minghao inched closer to Junhui on the bed, “but I can tell you I feel it too. And I have no intention of letting you walk out.”

He leaned over and kissed him again, softer this time, somehow sweeter than he ever had before and Junhui seemed to understand. He kissed him harder, pulled him closer, kissing him until they were breathless.

“I’m not perfect,” Minghao whispered into Junhui’s ear as he nipped at his earlobe, “but I’ll give you everything I have. I’ll be good to you. That much I can promise.”

His words seemed to settle something inside Junhui’s and with this new security came an urgency. Minghao leaned up to kiss him again and felt them tumbling, hot hands on his waist, breath in his ear. He looked up as Junhui straddled his waist and admired all the flawless skin on show. Junhui pulled at the buttons of his shirt and it fell open and they were both bare chested but it still wasn’t enough.

Minghao sat up and pulled his shoulders free from his shirt before slipping Junhui’s off as well. Silk and lace discarded, slid to the floor, the room filled with silence beside their heavy breathing. “I need to touch you,” he fumbled with the button on Junhui’s jeans in his desperation before finally pulling them open. “Touch me,” Junhui rolled his hips, rutting hard against the palm slid inside his pants. He fell forward a little and clung to Minghao’s neck as he rode against Minghao’s hand.

Junhui was both slim and strong, lean and graceful as Minghao shifted the elastic of his underwear and pulled his cock free. “I want to take your pants off,” Minghao murmured open mouthed and languid against Junhui’s lips and the other just groaned in agreement.

“Quick,” Junhui said as he moved and began to wriggle out of his jeans and underwear. Minghao squeaked in surprise when he pulled his own jeans off and discarded them and found his lap full of Junhui again. “What’s the hurry?” he barely concealed his chuckle but it faded when Junhui mouthed at his jawline and rolled his hips again Minghao felt the slick slide of their cocks together and he understood.

“You feel so good.....” he whispered, mouth slack and hot, nothing tangible but Junhui in his lap and the sweltering fervour steaming up the room. “Do you want me?” Junhui said as he gripped both their cocks in his long fingers and squeezed gently. “Or is this enough?”

“I want you in my arms all night,” Minghao said as he tipped his head back. He’d never felt anything so intense. It had been so long since anyone had touched him but, even in his memory, nothing had ever set his body aflame like this. “I want you.... I do....” he couldn’t deny it. But, as much as he wanted to ravage Junhui into pieces, he just didn’t have the experience.

“I want you but I’m not..... I don’t-“ Minghao’s hips were rolling in time with Junhui’s strokes and he wanted nothing more than to fuck up hard into his grip. “It’s okay,” Junhui stroked a hand across his cheek. “You said you’d be good to me Hao and I know how to be good to you too.”

Minghao stroked himself absentmindedly, smitten by the sight of Junhui stretching to rummage through his bedside cupboard. There was enough light to make every detail on his body visible and Minghao committed it all to his mind. He never wanted to forget this moment; even thought he was already making plans to repeat it. He ran a hand along Junhui’s calf and marvelled at the swell and dip of the muscle there. His own legs were so skinny.

His eyes couldn’t believe what he was watching as Junhui slicked up his fingers.He stared in wonder as he watched Junhui press one finger inside himself, wet with lube, wincing still from the tightness. His head began to spin and he had to stop touching himself as he watched. 

He was already hard, too hard, his cock dripping at the sight of Junhui fingering himself open. He wished he could do it but, honestly, he was lacking. He just didn’t know how. But there was something he could do and he kissed up the inside of one deliciously plump thigh, then the other, before taking Junhui’s cock in his mouth.

The sound that filled his ears was incredible. Junhui moaned loudly, writhing as Minghao sucked, slick fingers working himself open. It was almost too much but worth it at the same time; Minghao had never been so desperate to feel someone. He slid his tongue down Junhui’s length, lips closing as his head bobbed up and down, sucking on just the tip to make Junhui gasp. Saliva ran down his chin as he sucked and used his hand and his lips and his tongue. Junhui was so responsive, so erotic in the arch of his back and the groans on his lips, that Minghao almost couldn’t take it.

He felt a tug on his hair and he stopped sucking as Junhui beckoned him up the bed. He handed Minghao the bottle of lube so he could slick his cock and laid back on the pile of pillows. Minghao had never seen anything so sensual.

“Use a lot,” Junhui whispered and Minghao knew. “I’ll be gentle,” he promised as he filled his palm and coated his throbbing erection until it was wet. 

He settled between Junhui’s thighs and the warmth overcame him. It felt so good, despite their night being a rollercoaster of emotions, and he was glad this was where they ended up. He pressed the head of his cock against Junhui’s rim and slid it inside. He went slowly, inching inside carefully, watching Junhui’s face twisting as his breath became sharp. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked and Junhui shook his head. “Just kiss me,” he leaned up and Minghao met him halfway, swallowing his moans as he slid inside him all the way.

And then he stilled and Junhui was silent. They stared at each other, neither saying anything, neither looking away. In the distance the far off rumble of thunder announced an approaching thunderstorm and the breeze that blew in the window was cool and fresh. The air around them was hot though, sweltering and stifling, their skin sticky with sweat. Minghao dipped his head and kissed along Junhui’s jawline before connecting their mouths in a kiss that was more breath than lips.

“Move,” Junhui whispered at last and when Minghao began to roll his hips he wanted to cry. The physical feeling was so intense, Junhui clenched so tight and hot around him, the arousal in his body so tightly wound already. “I’m not going to last,” he admittedas he thrust a little faster, “you feel so fucking good.” He threw all his weight onto one arm so he could stroke Junhui’s cock with the other in time with his thrusts. “Is it good?” he asked as he looked down into Junhui’s eyes. “It’s good,” Junhui said as he dug his heels into the sheets and rose up to meet Minghao’s thrusts. 

To his relief he felt Junhui relax underneath him. He rolled his hips and thrust into the tight warmth of Junhui’s body, stroked his leaking cock in his hand, licked and sucked at the skin of his neck. It was all incredible, like nothing he’d ever felt before, and soon his stomach tightened and he felt himself on the edge.

He stroked him harder, Junhui began to moan, and Minghao revelled in the sound. His moans were so sweet they made Minghao’s body sing and he thought he could explode from the pleasure. “I’m close,” Junhui panted and Minghao pressed their foreheads together. He wanted to kiss him but he needed to breathe so he settled for looking into his eyes instead.

“Stay with me tonight....” Junhui’s eyes pleaded as his breathing narrowed to a sharp point and Minghao just nodded. Minghao hooked a leg under Junhui’s knee and pulled it up giving him better leverage to fuck down hard into his pliant body. He thrust faster, deeper, harder as Junhui arched off the bed and came, his cock throbbing in Minghao’s hand. “Hao!” Junhui cried out and it sent Minghao over and down, spiralling into a world of pure pleasure, the clench of Junhui around his cock making him groan.

“Jun,” he wanted to moan but could barely manage a whisper, his hips thrusting and faltering and stuttering as he came. He rode it out until he was drained, his cum hot as it filled Junhui, his lips finally able to take Junhui’s again in a long slow kiss.

He kissed him until he was breathless, until he was soft and sliding out, he peppered kissed in Junhui’s cheeks and eyelids and nose until the man giggled and begged him to stop. When he rolled off he pulled Junhui with him and wound him tightly in his arms. “I’m sticky,” Junhui protested weakly but Minghao clung to him anyway. He felt invincible, like nothing could ever come between them, for so long he’d been alone and now he had an ally against the world. 

“I’m sticky!” Junhui protested louder this time and Minghao relented. He rolled onto his side and watched with reverence as Junhui walked naked across the room and into the attached bathroom. “Do you want to shower?” he called out as he turned the light on and Minghao shook his head. He heard the water running and Junhui was back with a wet washcloth and a glass of water; both of which he handed to Minghao still sprawled on the bed.

“You sure you don’t want to shower?” Junhui sat back down on the bed and Minghao sipped the water and wiped his hands and stomach somewhat clean. “Not yet,” he pulled a giggling Junhui backwards and into his arms. “I’m not quite sure we’re done yet.”

The alarm blared and Minghao grabbed his phone and shut it off. It was 7am and barely light, the curtains flapping in the breeze, the scent of late night rain still lingering in the air. He didn’t want to be too late picking Yun up from Mingyu’s house. He sent him a text message asking if Yun was awake and sank back onto the pile of pillows with his phone in his hand.

Junhui had barely shifted when the alarm blared. He must have really worn him out. His body was golden in the grey of dawn, his skin flawless, his shape stunning. He was half nestled into the thick feather quilt but one leg was curled up and over the covers; one perfect thigh pulled up towards his chest. He was so pretty, so absolutely alluring, Minghao couldn’t resist running his hand up and down the skin.

“Hi,” Junhui croaked as he opened one eye. “Don’t wake up,” Minghao whispered. He wanted to enjoy it a little longer, being able to stare at Junhui all he wanted, admiring his dark lashes, the little moles on his top lip, the curl of his smile as he clutched at the white sheets.

He grabbed his phone and snuggled back under the sheets. He pressed his back against Junhui’s chest and when the man slung an arm over him he snapped a photo of them both. “It’s cute,” he said to himself as he looked at it and immediately set it as his lock screen. “Show me,” Junhui opened one eye and nodded his approval before closing them again.

Minghao thought he could lay in Junhui’s arms forever but, of course, his phone buzzed and Yun was awake. “I have to go “ he said reluctance thick in his voice, but Junhui just kissed away his pout. “Go,” he said as he sat up in the bed clutching the white sheet around his bare chest. “You can text me after lunch and we can go get icecream or something. Yun can ride his bike across the park and we can go to that place that has the watermelon sorbet he likes.”

Minghao loved the way it wasn’t even a question.

He peeled his dirty clothes back onto his body and slipped into his shoes. With a kiss pressed into Junhui’s wild bed hair he was gone.

Junhui closed his eyes and nodded off. He wasn’t really asleep, he was resting and relaxing, enjoying the ache and burn in every muscle in his body. He hadn’t bottomed in forever and he definitely wouldn’t have for anyone else but for Minghao he was willing to do almost anything. He’d enjoyed it a lot, Minghao had been gentle with him, drawing pleasure out of him softly and so sweetly. He giggled to himself and rolled over on his stomach and inhaled the scent of Minghao’s aftershave lingering on the pillow.

He was just nodding off when there was a knock at the door. Junhui sat up and looked around for whatever Minghao had forgotten, wallet maybe, or phone. He couldn’t see anything but he got up with the sheet wrapped around him and stumbled out of the bedroom to the front door.

He threw it open with the hand not clutching his sheet and his smile soon faded into a frown. The man on his doorstep was lean and pretty but instead of the tall sinewy strength Junhui expected this one was small and more frail than ever. 

“Who was he?” he asked as he looked around. His eyes were ringed with dark circles and he was so skinny he looked like he could blow away in the next strong breeze. This wasn’t good at all and Junhui’s eyes rolled heavenward as he silently cursed.

“Renjun, what are you doing here, how do you even know where I live?”

“I followed you yesterday from the youth centre. I saw your videos on YouTube and looked up the address and I was going to come last night but you went out and now....” his eyes filled with tears as he shifted on his feet, “now I see some guy leaving your house? Junhui....”

He reached a hand out and Junhui stepped back to shirk his touch. No way was he doing this again. “Renjun, you cant be here, you have to leave!”

“Please,” Renjun’s eyes pleaded and he looked so small. “Let me come in. I just want to talk for a bit.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday our Little 8 💕💕
> 
> Poorly edited (I’m sorry - I’m tired)

“You can’t be here.”

Not now, Junhui’s mind raced, not after everything he’d been through. Everything they’d been through. He’d moved countries to escape this vicious cycle and now here he was; standing on his doorstep like he’d just walked in from another lifetime.

He was thinner than ever, his hair lank and dyed a soft shade of strawberry blond, his eyes heavy and dark with lack of sleep and something else. That indefinable misery that was Renjun’s core. That part of him that Junhui could never reach no matter how hard he tried.

“I need you,” he looked up and met Junhui’s eyes. “I don’t have anyone else.”

Junhui looked around before swinging the door wide. “You better come inside.”

Junhui paced nervously as he watched Renjun settle on the couch. His eyes were wide and unblinking, with a slight twitch in one as he looked around at Junhui’s home, an eclectic mix of books and furniture and art. “Something’s different,” he murmured and Junhui rubbed his face with his palm. “You’ve never been here,” he said, a little exasperated. He’d only bought the house a year ago. 

“Not with the house, with you.” Renjun’s eyes fixated on the huge art piece, its beauty and vivid colours dominating the living space. “That’s unusual,” he said and got up to take a closer look at the names scrawled on the bottom. “Don’t try and distract me,” Junhui said. “I’m going to make tea so don’t you dare touch anything.”

His hands shook as he filled the kettle and set it to boil. He could tell Renjun was on something again. He’d been through this a hundred times. But, for the first time in his life, Junhui knew he was right. He knew he could be strong, that it wasn’t his responsibility, that he had something else to focus on besides his fragile ex boyfriend.

He had to take a stand, for himself, for Minghao and Yun. For everything he’d built up over the last few years. For his new life; the life he always wanted, the life which was dangling tantalisingly in his grasp. He’d had a taste of it just last night and it wasn’t enough. He wanted to fight for it, to reach out and grab it, to make sure this time he got what he wanted. What he deserved.

The boiling kettle drew him back to reality and he poured the water into two mugs. He dangled the teabags and, past experiences coming automatically back to his consciousness, added a few big spoonful’s of sugar to Renjun’s.

“You have cats,” Renjun said softly as he took the mug of tea with both hands. He seemed to cling to it like the warmth could fill his body and make it stop shaking but Junhui knew that nothing could fill the empty spaces in Renjun’s soul. Nothing he could provide.

  
“I do, I have two cats, they’re called Mittens and Socks.” He could see one of Mittens’ feet sticking out from the enclosed cat bed in the corner but Socks was nowhere to be found. “You always wanted cats…..” Renjun’s eyes took on a faraway quality as he sipped the hot sweet tea. “I always wanted a lot of things Renjun.” At the sound of his name the man on the couch seemed to shrink and it took all of Junhui’s self control to stay on the armchair and not rush to comfort him. Old habits really do die hard.

“They fired me,” Renjun said. “They said I’ve had too many absences, that my dancing isn’t what it used to be…” he put the mug down and looked around. “they replaced me as lead and then they fired me.” “What are you on?” Junhui asked and Renjun shivered. “Dexidrine and Adderall,” he said. “They’re both prescription but from different doctors. You aren’t supposed to take them at the same time. Nothing illegal; I promise.” Junhui watched his eyes flit around nervously and focus on the backpack he’d dropped on the floor and he didn’t believe him.

Junhui couldn’t have this; too much was at stake. “You can’t stay here. I’m a teacher, Renjun, do you understand what would happen to me if drugs were found in my house?” More than his job; he’d lose everything. His placements to complete masters degree, his volunteering at the dance school, Minghao and Yun….. Minghao would never ever bring Yun back here if he knew there were drugs like that in his house.

“Renjun,” he said sharply and the man looked up at him. “I’ve met someone.”

Tears filled Renjun’s eyes. “No,” he picked at his nails before retracting his hands inside his sleeves. He looked so young and small. “No, no you didn’t, you’re all I have.”

“No Renjun, I’m not, go home to your parents.”

“I can’t,” Renjun shook his head and Junhui knew why. They’d make him clean up his life. “You can and you’ll have to. I’m not that person for you any more Renjun. I can’t be. I’ve met someone and I really like him and there’s more at stake than just the two of us. He has a son.”

“A son?” Renjun’s eyes blinked so wide and endearing at Junhui who couldn’t help but smile. Renjun always loved children. “Yeah,” Junhui unlocked his phone and held it out so Renjun could see a photo of Yun and Junhui smiling into the camera. “Its how we met, actually, his son attends the centre where I work.”

“He’s so cute,” Renjun’s eyes sparkled with joy and tears as he looked at the photo. “I’m happy for you. Do you have a photo of your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend, not yet anyway, it’s all still a bit new….” Junhui fumbled through his phone for a picture of Minghao and found the one of the three of them taken at the gallery. It was joyous and funny, the expressions on their faces, Yun leaping into Junhui’s arms from a startled Minghao. “he’s handsome,” Renjun handed the phone back. “He’s an artist. He painted that.” Junhui pointed to the beautiful canvas dominating his living space with its gold and pink hues dancing across the surface with so much passion.

“I’m happy for you.” Renjun smiled but it was small. The fact that he tried was enough for Junhui who moved to the couch and took his hands, small and cold, into his own pulsing with warmth. “Renjun,” he spoke slowly and carefully so he didn’t startle him, “lets call your parents. Okay?”

He could feel him shaking with fear, nervousness and the tremble of the artificial stimulant racing through his system, and to his relief Renjun squeezed his hands back. “Okay,” he said. “Okay but will you help me?”

“I’ll help you,” Junhui nodded and ruffled Renjun’s hair. “I’ll help you, but this has to be the last time.”

Something deep in his heart told him that it would be; this was the closure they both needed.

“Good morning!” Minghao was walking lighter than air as he breezed into Mingyu’s apartment. He’d stopped off to quickly take a shower and change clothes before picking Yun up; he knew if he turned up in last night’s clothes Yun wouldn’t notice but Mingyu would never let him live it down.

“Daddy!” Yun launched himself from the arm of the couch straight into Minghao’s arms. “did you have fun did you play with the cats and did you bring me a present?” “Yun!” Minghao laughed as he swung the little boy around, “no presents so close to your birthday!” he giggled, and Yun giggled and when he put the boy down he looked up to see Mingyu watching him with an amused expression.

“You’re happy,” he smirked and Minghao blushed. “So, I’m always happy.” He crossed his arms and Mingyu choked on the coffee he was attempting to swallow. “No, you aren’t! Who are you and what have you done with my miserable excuse for a best friend?”

“Thank you,” Minghao said softer, his ears pink and his stomach fluttery. He didn’t care if Mingyu knew how much of a good time he’d had. In that moment he didn’t care about anything but the little boy gathering his toys and stuffing them into his backpack and the man he’d left behind just an hour ago. He couldn’t care less about Mingyu teasing him until he blushed. It was worth it. He really was happy and nothing was going to bring him down this morning.

“Yun, you want to have ice cream with Junhui later?” he asked and he knew what the answer was going to be. “Yay!” Yun wrapped both arms around Minghao’s leg and stared up at him. “Now?’ “No, later, in the afternoon. We’ll go home and have lunch first. Okay?” “Okay Daddy.”

Yun disappeared into Mingyu’s bedroom to find his toy cat and Mingyu took the opportunity to question him. “So, did you guys, you know…” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Minghao tried to act dignified as he wandered into Mingyu’s kitchen in search of more coffee. “Yes, you do. Did you guys, you know….”

“Enjoy dinner? We did. The restaurant was amazing, the food was delicious, thanks to Wonwoo for the recommendation.” Minghao found a mug and filled it from the machine, sighing when he tasted the first invigorating sip of caffeine. “Then we walked along the beach, we had a few drinks at a bar, did a little dancing…” 

Minghao’s voice trailed off as he remembered how wonderful it had all been. The whole night was like a dream and, the best part, Junhui wanted to see him again so soon. This time with Yun joining them! He never imagined he’d be able to find someone who’d accept his son as readily as himself. Junhui was perfect.

“Daddy?” Yun was back and plastered to Minghao’s leg again. “Daddy are we going to Junnie’s house please Daddy?” he blinked up at Minghao who scooped him up into his arms. “No, we’re not going to Junhui’s house, we’re meeting him later for icecream.”

“Junnie’s house Junnie’s house Junnie’s house Junnie’s house….” Yun’s voice trailed off as he slid from Minghao’s arms and ran back to the tv where some cartoon was blaring loudly.

“So did you or did you not….. colour?” Mingyu eyed Minghao suspiciously who flushed red up to the tips of his ears. “We did, okay, we coloured all night.” “All night?” Mingyu was incredulous and Minghao giggled a little. “Okay, maybe not all night, we talked too.”

“Romantic,” Mingyu smirked. “So, are you going to thank me now for making you wear that shirt?” “Thank you Mingyu.” Minghao turned serious for a moment. “I really mean it. This wouldn’t have been possible without you, and Wonwoo as well, I’m so lucky to have you guys.” 

He tried to shrug the hug but he wasn’t quick enough. Mingyu’s arms swallowed up Minghao’s smaller frame and, as much as he’d never admit it, the hug felt good. He felt good. He felt better than he had in a long time, rested and refreshed, happy and hopeful of even more happiness to come. He deserved it; it had been a long hard journey to get here, but somehow Junhui had been worth waiting for.

“Hug!” Yun was back and pushing himself between their legs before they could pull apart. “Hug!” Mingyu yelled excitedly and somehow managed to pull Yun up to squish between their chests. “Too tight!” he flailed and slid to the floor again before promptly disappearing. “I need to get him home.” Minghao slipped from Mingyu’s vice grip as well and Mingy laughed loudly. “Wait, before you go, I’m dying to ask you something.”

Minghao shrugged as he rinsed his coffee mug in the sink. “So, when you guys were colouring, did you use the pencil or the pencil sharpener?” Mingyu just managed to choke the words out before Minghao threw the wet washcloth right into his face with a laugh of his own. It was loud and escaped from him wilfully, joyfully, and the sound of it was as golden as the sunlight filtering in through the blinds.

“Daddy did you and Junnie have a date?’ Yun’s legs were swinging wildly as he sat on the kitchen bench. Minghao was meticulously crafting him a small plate of salads and fruit for his lunch after being at Mingyu’s all night eating God knows what. “Yes baby, we did have a date, why?’ Minghao sliced cheese into tiny cubes and piled it onto the plate, stealing one for himself.

“I like Junnie.” Yun reached out and took a cube as well as his legs kept swinging. “Me too,” Minghao carefully cut cherry tomatoes into quarters. He didn’t elaborate as he waited to see where Yun was taking this conversation.

“You’re very happy today.” Yun reached out for Minghao and the man leaned down to let the little boy press a slightly sloppy kiss into his cheek. “Junnie makes you happy. He makes me happy too because he’s always happy and he likes to do fun things.”

“How would you feel about him being around us more?” Minghao ventured a little warily and Yun just smiled again. “Good. I like Junnie. Can we go to his house now?” He slipped from the counter and Minghao handed him the plate of food. “Eat your lunch first.” He checked his phone but there was still no text from Junhui about what time to meet but he shrugged it off. Junhui had probably just gone back to sleep.

“Soonyoung, I need you.” Junhui breathed down the phone as soon as his friend picked it up. “You sound in pain,” his friend chuckled a little. “Surely last night wasn’t that wild.”

“Soonyoung, seriously, Renjun is here.”

Junhui listened to his friend hiss a long slow breath out between his teeth. “Okay, that’s not good, did Minghao see him?” “No, he stayed over, but he was gone when Renjun arrived. He knows about him though.”

“How much does he know?”

“Almost everything.” Junhui said. “I still can’t have him here. I helped him call his parents and he’s going to leave tomorrow. They couldn’t get him a flight out today. But I cant-“

“I know,” Soonyoung interrupted. “You can’t have him there but you don’t want him to have to go to a hotel.”

Junhui relaxed a little. Soonyoung knew Renjun quite well, considering he’d been witness to many of their screaming matches, on more than one occasion when Renjun tried to walk back into Junhui’s life. He’d split them apart, stopped them from killing each other, stopped them from walking blindly back into each others’ arms.

“This is the last time Soonyoung. I’ve told him that, I’ve told him about Minghao. And Yun.” Junhui sighed as he ran a hand through his tousled hair. “I don’t know how serious Minghao is but I don’t care. I’m serious about him and I can’t have Renjun back in my life. Not with a child involved.”

Soonyoung knew why and Junhui waited as his friend thought for a minute.

“Bring him here. He can stay the night and then you can take him to the airport tomorrow morning. What time is his flight?’

“10am, thank you so much Soonyoung, you wont regret it.”

Soonyoung sighed heavily into the phone. “I’m doing this for you Junhui. I want you to be happy. I want this drama to be gone from your life.”

Junhui did as well.

“You can stay at Soonyoung’s house.” Junhui handed Renjun another super sweet mug of milky tea. It seemed to help him stop shaking. “I’m grateful,” he said softly. “I really have to get my shit together don’t I?” Junhui nodded his agreement. “What happened to therapy?”

Renjun shrank a little. “I-I thought I was better. I was doing better. That’s why you didn’t hear from me.” He sipped the hot tea and he looked so small in the swirl of tea steaming around his face. “Junhui there’s a new guy. He transferred in from the Wenzhou company and he’s incredible. Ever since he arrived, I just can’t compete. I’ll never star again.”

Tears filled his eyes and usually Junhui would rush to comfort him. This time he didn’t. Renjun didn’t need comfort – what he needed most was strength. “Renjun maybe it’s time to think about doing something other than dance. I only dance for fun now and its brought the joy back for me.”

Renjun looked a little puzzled but thought hard. Junhui could see him looking around, thinking about a life without the stage, and he knew it wouldn’t be so easy for him to admit it. “Maybe. They don’t want me back anyway. I’ll have to find another company.”

“What did you do?” Junhui knew Renjun had put the company through some stuff before and they’d never fired him. I must have been bad.

“I went on a bender and didn’t show up for three days. Including a concert. I was supposed to play Albrecht but I took too many pills, I hadn’t eaten, I hadn’t slept in days.....”

Junhui sucked in a breath. Not showing up for performance was basically forcing the company’s hand.

“My understudy, the new guy, his name is Sicheng. He filled in for me and it was over. Everyone just loves him. He’s not even as small as me, he’s taller and older, and still he’s so graceful and moves like he was born to dance.”

Renjun used to move like that once, when dance filled his heart with joy, when he was a delight to observe moving across wooden floors like he was gliding on air. But this Renjun had nothing left inside but jealousy, envy having consumed all the parts of his soul meant for the dance floor, leaving a trail of bitterness and anger in it’s wake.

“Let it go, Renjun, please….” Junhui’s eyes searched his, dark and dull, for any sense of recognition or congnition. “Please, find something else to make you happy, something worth fighting for.”

“A long time ago that would have been us Jun, I believed we were worth fighting for, but I didn’t know how.” Renjun picked at his sleeve and unravelled a thread and Junhui watched him stare at it as he twirled it around his finger. It was grey and turned his finger an unsettling shade of red as he drew it tighter and tighter around the tip of his finger.

“We didn’t know how to fight for us, only how to fight with each other,” Junhui mused as he reached out and took the thread from Junhui’s fingers and let it unravel. The pooled blood rushed out of the restrichted flesh and it was almost immediate how his finger returned to normal. He wished Renjun’s healing could be just as easy.

“We did fight a lot,” Renjun looked up and his smile was small but it was definitely there. “too much,” Junhui smiled back and a new calm settled over them. This was definitely the closure they both needed.

Half an hour later they stood in the doorway of Soonyoung’s apartment. “I promise next time you see me I’ll have my shit together Jun,” Renjun leaned up as Junhui leaned down and gave him a hug. “I promise,” Renjun whispered and as they broke apart Junhui wondered if this would be the last time they ever saw each other and hoped like hell it wasn’t.

The afternoon sun rippled thorugh the trees as their verdant canopy swayed above. This part of the park was Yun’s favourite because it had a little pond and, at the right time of the year, tadpoles could be spotted in the water. The little frogs had proved more elusive to find however it never stopped him from searching. He could hear their little croaks as he turned over stone after stone around the edge of the pond finding nothing.

Minghao shifted from one foot to the other a little nervously. He’d left this morning before they really had a chance to talk about things and insecurity stormed it’s rampant and relentless march through his brain. He watched on from a distance as Yun skittered across the wet stones and held back from running over to hold his hand. The boy was almost four; he couldn’t keep babying him just to fill the hole in his own heart.

He needed to fill it with other things and those things were crystal clear when Yun’s head snapped up and his eyes lit from within at something across the park.

It was Junhui, wheeling the bright red bike along by one hand, his other waving furiously at the small boy edging around the pond. “Junnie!” Yun jumped up and began to tear across the wet grass at full speed leaving Minghao in his wake to just watch.

He watched from a distance, unable to hear them, their body language screaming louder than any words ever could. The instant calming effect of Junhui’s aura was astounding as Yun, excited to the point of bursting, stilled as he approached. Minghao watched him skid to a halt and reach up, arms open wide for a hug, face glowing with anticipation. Junhui immediately appeased, lifting Yun high into the air before holding him so close against his chest, the little boys hands clinging tightly to his shirt.

God, the last thing Minghao wanted was to be jealous of his own son, but the desire to be in Junhui’s arms like that was overwhelming. He wanted it so much, not just now, but tonight and next week and always.

He wished he could throw off the heavy cloak of adult restraint and run across the grass into Junhui’s arms. He settled for walking towards them and watched the slow break of a smile drift across Junhui’s face.

“Hi,” he said shyly when he got within range. “Hi,” Junhu replied and Yun slid from his arms to the grass.

“Kiss,” he said definitively making Minghao gape and Junhui laugh. “Yun,” Minghao hissed but Yun stood defiant as he grabbed Minghao’s hand and pulled him closer. “Kiss. You already had a date now kiss.”

“Yun where did you come up with this?” Minghao chuckled to cover the heat in his face. “I saw it on TV,” Yun climbed onto the bike as Junhui took the helmet from the handlebarswhere it was slung.

He fixed it into place on Yuns shining dark hair, a litre overdue for a cut, and they waited until he got a few metres ahead on the path.

“Sorry,” Minghao said as they began to walk behind him. “Don’t be,” Junhui grinned. “It was a great idea just the wrong time.” Heat swirled again, through Minghao’s chest, into his cheeks and up into his ears. He wondered if Junhui would always make him feel like this or if he’d eventually develop a tolerance for the man’s easygoing charms.

“I have to tell you something Minghao,” Junhui’s smile vanished and they stopped walking. Minghao’s eyes went to Yun, circling the fountain up ahead slowly on the bike, before searching Junhui’s face. It was conflicted, his lips drawn tight and his eyes clouded with fear, and Minghao’s stomach churned with nerves.

“Okay,” he said and braced himself mentally for what was coming. Had he thrown himself in too easily, too free with his emotions? No, he knew Junhui was serious, he’d said so the night before. There was no way he’d play with Minghao’s emotions after he’d laid himself open so raw and honest the night before. 

Feelings whispered under the cover of darkness could always look different exposed in the bright sunshine and Minghao tried desperately not to panic.

“My ex turned up this morning. Right after you left. He’s hit rock bottom again, using amphetamines and god know what else, and I know he wanted to stay.”

Minghao sucked in a breath. It was cold and cleansing and he tried not to panic. The icy chill of abandonment was back in his stomach and his flushed face was now cold and blank.

“I sent him away. I called his parents, they’ve booked him a ticket home tomorrow, I even sent him to stay at Soonyoung’s instead of mine.”

“Jun, that wasn’t necessary, you didn’t-“ “Yes. Yes I did have to send him away. I’m not getting caught up again. Minghao, I’m done with him, I told him I can’t be that person for him any more. I’ve moved on and he has to as well.”

Clouds were swirling above them, sunlight temporarily dimmed by their opaque curtain, but the glow of late afternoon was quick to break through. Just like that the fleeting disappearance of Junhui’s smile was over, roaring back into existence as he turned to grab Minghao’s hand, his eyes dark but sparkling like crystalline obsidian.

“I’m serious. I’m done with him and I’m ready to start over for real. Because this feels real and it feels right; for me at least.”

Minghao barely managed to choke out a “me too” before his lips were claimed by Junhui’s. He closed his eyes just in time to lose himself in the feeling of hands in his hair, the soft chaste kiss against his lips, the renewed vigour of the sun on his bare skin.

It was soft and sweet, over too soon, never enough to leave him satisfied. “I’m serious too,” Minghao smiled at Junhui’s blush. “I wouldn’t be here with you and Yun if I wasn’t.”

Junhui grabbed Minghao’s hand as the walked towards the fountain. Yun was still circling it, the precarious lean of his bike only saved by the training wheels, his face furrowed in concentration.

“You want to come over for dinner? And maybe stay over?” Minghao asked softly and Junhui squeezed his hand. “Are you sure?” He indicated Yun still pedalling furiously and Minghao returned the tight squeeze of his fingers.

“Well, you seem to have earned Yun’s approval!” Minghao’s joy was bubbling now, desperate to escape, and it was infectious. “I asked him how he felt about having you around more and he’s fine with it. And it’s something I really want.”

He turned to Junhui who was grinning with excitement. “How can I say no to that?” He let go of Minghao’s hand and swept him close for a hug and Minghao relaxed into the warm feeling of Junhui’s chest. It was just as good as he’d imagined it before and he wanted to snuggle in and stay like this forever.

The crash of the bike hitting the ground broke the mood. “Hug!” Yun cried out as he pushed between them and Minghao laughed at how many hugs they’d had today. It would never be enough and he pulled the little boy up into his arms. “Hugs then icecream!” Junhui said as he pressed a kiss against Yun’s cheek and then Minghao’s.

“Icecream!” Yun shrieked loudly as he squirmed away from them and ran ahead. Junhui took one of the handlebars and Minghao took the other and they wheeled the poor abandoned bike between them as they followed Yun to his favourite icecream parlour.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry- this is self indulgent dribble.

The tv was silent and so were they toys. There was no point to their purpose today. All the activity Yun needed was in the kitchen where his universe was revolving around bottles of chilli sauce and wedges of lemon and lime. “What next?” he asked as he sat on the counter and swung his legs. “Soy sauce,” Junhui said as he looked into the big pot of beef stock and ginger and garlic simmering gently. “How much?” Yun wielded the bottle unsteadily but Junhui was unfazed. “Just put some in here and we will taste it later. I don’t know exactly how much until I know how you like it.”

Yun tipped soy sauce into the glass measuring jug until Junhui nodded and he stopped. “Can I?” he asked and Junhui waited patiently as Yun climbed down from the counter and Junhui lifted him so he could tip the soy sauce into the bubbling concoction. “Now what?” he wandered back over to the counter and Junhui showed him how to juice the lemons and limes, helping when he didn’t have the strength, giving and taking control as necessary.

“Why vinegar?” Yun wrinkled his nose as he sniffed at the bottle. “I don’t like it.” “you won’t taste it,” Junhui considered his amounts and added about half of what he usually would. “That’s what makes it hot and sour soup. The chili is the hot and the vinegar and fruits are the sour.” Yun watched him add the spoonful of vinegar and swung his legs again as he played with a stalk of bok choy. “Are you going to live here with us now?” he asked and when Junhui turned to him his eyes were wide and bright. “No little stormcloud, what makes you say that?”

“Other houses have a Daddy and a Mummy, and a baby, but I’m not a baby, but I’m the baby.” Junhui waited patiently for Yun to sort through his thoughts before he worked out what he wanted to say. “I know you aren’t a Mummy, but I would like to have a house with two Daddy’s. And two cats.”

Always with the cats. 

Junhui stifled a giggle. “Yun, you’re so cute.” He smushed at the little boy’s cheeks before moving the step stool over so he could watch Junhui slice vegetables. “Adults have to know each other for a long time before they live together.” He sliced bok choy and some sweet cabbage thinly and added them to the bubbling pot while Yun took the scraps from the chopping board and shoved them in his mouth. “You and Daddy had a date and even had a kiss. You should live here with us.”

Junhui stopped stirring and put the wooden spoon down to crouch down to Yun’s level. “I can’t come and live here yet. That’s a decision for me and your Daddy to make after we know each other better.” Junhui’s eyes sparkled with more mischief than the little boys as he sat flat on the kitchen floor and leaned against the cupboard. “First you have to tell me all the weird things your Daddy does so I don’t get any surprises. Okay?’ “Okay!” Yun giggled as he sat down opposite Junhui. Steam was filling the room along with the delicious aroma of ginger and garlic and chilli. It was making the windows fog a little, a barrier against the cool evening outside, opaque and comforting and cocooning them from the world.

“He leaves his socks on the bathroom floor and they get wet from the shower and smell gross.” Yun’s face was incandescent with barely contained laughter.

“He farts while he’s asleep and he doesn’t even know! He just grumbles and rolls over and the smell puffs out from under the blankets!” Yun’s face was a riot now, mirth and delight dancing across his cherubic features, making his eyes shine under the cheap light bulbs in the kitchen.

“One time he drank too many wines and he was sad and got really sick and Uncle Gyu had to come over and make ramen for me and help Daddy take a shower.” Yun’s delight faltered and he paused while he thought hard; obviously remembering. “That wasn’t fun.”

“You know what?” Junhui said to quickly lift the mood. “What?” Yun climbed across the floor and sat on his knees between Junhui’s thighs. “I think, even though I know all those weird things I still really like your daddy, and I think I’m going to come and stay here more often. Maybe you guys can even come an stay at my house too?” “Okay!” Yun grabbed at Junhui’s cheeks and he thought the little boy was going to kiss him. Instead, he just pressed their foreheads together, and stayed like that for a few precious seconds.

“Would you like to have a room at my house with your own bed and some toys and stuff? Just until your Daddy and I work out some things?” Yun’s eyes were wide and glassy, dark as the endless sable midnight sky, but twinkling just as merrily. “I like your house.” His statement was so definitive and needed no response. Junhui liked the fact that Yun liked his house and he also liked the fact that Yun seemed to have seamlessly accepted Junhui’s new place in their lives. Not quite in the centre yet, still a little off to the side, but definitely in orbit and with space to settle into.

“What now?” Yun moved on so fast Junhui almost couldn’t keep up with him. “Um, okay, chillies which I will chop, not too many because your Daddy can’t handle them, but this kind aren’t very hot anyway. We just have to make sure we scrape all the seeds out.” “Why?” “Because the seeds are where all the hot is.” 

Yun never tired of the why, the when and the where, the how. Junhui didn’t either. His patience was endless as he stood next to the little boy and showed him how to slice the onions, how to wash the bean sprouts, how to tenderise the beef.

“You like rice noodles?’ he asked Yun as he reached into his shopping bag and pulled out a packet. “Yes!” Yun said excitedly and Junhui smiled. Luckily, he came prepared and bought two packets.

Minghao was in his little home studio catching the last of the afternoon sun. He didn’t know what else to do. The gentle noise of chatter coming from the kitchen was soothing; it was enough to let him know everything was okay. That Junhui had everything under control and the food was being prepared carefully and lovingly and Yun was happy and engaged. It was soft but happy and made a wonderful soundtrack to the painting taking shape and form on his canvas. Indigo used to be partnered with grey and black and morose stark whites when Minghao painted. Now, indigo was a delight, the sky just after sunset with shades of violet and shining bright stars glittering just hidden in the comforting hue. 

The night sky, a thousand stars, the drops of Saturn and Mars and Venus Minghao always saw in Junhui’s hair; in his eyes. In the moon hanging high above who paled in comparison to the glow which lit Junhui from within when he smiled with all the secrets of the universe.

He swirled his brush in the pallet and scraped up enough to layer a thick impasto across the top of the canvas. He stared at it and frowned, moved the canvas a little to a better angle, and picked up a thinner brush to add a beautiful shade of purple shadow. The fact that his art had changed so much since he met Junhui wasn’t lost on him as he hummed happily and swirled the paint around. He wasn’t sure if they were moving too fast but he’s spent too many years being unhappy to slow down. He wanted to grab with both hands and cling on to this new happiness; not just for him but for the little boy chattering away in the kitchen full of joy and life. He didn’t know what they were talking about but whatever it was, it was making Yun squeal with laughter.

He dropped the pallet down on the floor and abandoned his work. He wanted to be in the kitchen too, where life and giggles and delicious smells were winding their way up to the roof, and he walked in to find Yun in Junhui’s arms tossing chopped chillies into a boiling pot. “Chillies?” he asked, horrified, and Yun chuckled as he added the last one. “It’s okay Daddy. We took the seeds out. That’s where all the hot is.”

“How did you get to be so smart?” Minghao asked as Yun slid from Junhui’s arms and ran over to him. “I’m almost four!” he held up four fingers and reached up so Minghao could lift him back onto the cupboard. “I know,” he smiled and grabbed a handful of bean sprouts damp with soy sauce. “I want a party. Remember?” he eyed his Daddy and Minghao nodded with bean sprouts hanging out of his mouth. “I remember. I just don’t know where to have it.”

“Have it at my house,” Junhui put the lid on the pot, turned the heat down, and joined them over by the cupboard. “The weather is nice this time of year and the yard is definitely big enough. We can even get a bouncy castle!” Minghao’s eyes widened as he glared at Junhui over the top of Yun’s head. A bouncy castle? That sounded expensive. “A bouncy castle!” Yun jumped from the counter and bounced across the floor. “Bouncy castle bouncy castle bouncy castle bouncy castle……” he bounce across the kitchen and out of the room.

“A bouncy castle?” Minghao shook his head and Junhui moved into the space Yun had left behind. “Yeah, why not? They aren’t that expensive and I’ll pay for it.” “You shouldn’t be paying for it?” Minghao looked at the ground but a gentle finger under his chin raised his eyes back up to meet Junhui’s. “I want to. And if I pay for it then I can bounce on it when the kids go home.” His eyes were a thousand stars as he grinned at Minghao knowing he couldn’t refuse him.

“You really want twenty kids running all over your yard?” Minghao felt his cheeks flush and his eyelashes wanted to flutter. He wasn’t sure exactly why his brain decided to take a break whenever Junhui was around. The man was turning him into some kind of simp.

“You say that like it’s not the life I’ve chosen to live every day!” the sparkles were so luminous as Minghao stared into Junhui’s beautifully unselfish eyes. They gave him so much every time he looked at them; kindness and warmth and safety. It was all there in whorls of chocolate brown and hazel and flecks of gold and green.

“Okay,” Minghao closed his eyes when he couldn’t bear to look anymore and felt the addictive press of lips he’d been hoping for. It was careful at first but when he relaxed into the kiss he felt Junhui’s hands on his waist. He gave himself up and let Junhui in and the taste of his tongue was sprinkled with lemon. Minghao wasn’t a big fan of the taste of sour things but from Junhui’s lips he’d accept almost anything.

He smiled into the kiss and leaned in as he felt Junhui lean as well. They moved in a new symbiosis, the edge of novelty mellowed into something softer, but exciting nonetheless. It was warm and comforting and make Minghao tingle all the way down to his toes. Unfortunately it ended as quick as it began when a set of tiny feet thundered back into the room.

“I’m hungry,” Yun whined, interrupting them as Junhui pulled back just a little. “The little stormcloud wants to eat,” he murmured and Minghao blushed even pinker than before. His cheeks were on fire and he knew the chili in the soup was going to be no match for Junhui’s easy charm.

“First is the noodles,” Junhui placed a big serve of rice noodles into the bottom of Yun’s bowl, “and now the soup.” He ladled the hot soup brimming with beef and greens on top. He did the same two more times and he carried two bowls while Minghao carried one over to the table set with all the condiments. “What now?” Yun settled into his chair with the bowl of soup in front of him and scanned the little bowls placed all over the table.

“This is the best part. You get to add whatever you like.” Minghao wanted to intervene but he was learning to let go. He sat back and watched as Junhui passed bowls over to the little boy, smiling as he added bean sprouts and spring onions, laughing as his nose wrinkled at the smell of the fresh chopped coriander. “Lemon or lime?” He passed the bowl of brightly coloured fruit over and let the little boy squeeze the lemon wedge himself. “More chilli?” Yun nodded and Junhui added just a few drops of the sriracha he’d had to bring over himself. “None for Daddy,” Yun said conspiratorially as he watched Junhui squeeze the bright red sauce all over his own bowl.

The domesticity was as warming as the soup. A table was more easily filled with the voices of three, the adults making small talk and Yun interjecting as he could, soup running down his chin as he slurped the noodles off his chopsticks. It was fascinating to Minghao, the way he tasted the soup, leaning over to add a little more lemon and another tiny fistful of bean sprouts, making it just right for his taste. He understood Yun’s enthusiasm though. The soup was truly delicious.

“Leave those,” Minghao urged as he watched Junhui packing the remaining soup away into little freezer-sized containers. He couldn’t bear to see him do the dishes as well after the man stood in the kitchen for an hour and cooked while Minghao painted. “You just worry about the bath,” there was mischief in his eye and mirth in the way his smile quirked up at the corners. “The sooner you get him bathed the sooner he goes to bed and so can we.”

Was he always going to affect MIghao this much? Was there a saturation point? The point where he was so soaked in Junhiu’s flirtatious little smiles that they no longer had this effect on him? Minghao couldn’t wait to find out.

He turned on his heel and headed into the bathroom to fill up the bath with warm bubbles without another word of complaint.

“Will there be cupcakes?” Yun mumbled as he nestled between them on the couch. “Of course,” Junhui tickled the top of his head with his fingertips. “Vanilla and chocolate.”

“Will there be presents? And cats? And soup?” His eyes were heavy now, drooping as he muttered and pushed his head further into Junhui’s hands. “Yes, yes and maybe....” Minghao looked over the top of Yun’s head to see Junhui smiling. Not at Yun, not at him, just sending his gorgeous smile out into the universe.

“Come on,” Minghao hoisted the limp weight of Yun into his arms. He couldn’t resist smelling his clean hair, nuzzling into the fresh scent and leaving a gentle kiss behind. He found it so easy to love the little boy in his arms and there was a special kind of joy in watching someone else love him too.

“How long will it take him to fall asleep?” Junhui’s smile was just short of leering but the way he was watching Mingha walk across the room was making his cheeks pink again. “Not long,” he stammered, suddenly nervous, “should we have a glass of wine?”

Junhui’s smile turned impish as he buried his laughter. “I don’t know, Yun was telling me about his Uncle Gyu having to help you take a shower.” He giggled and Minghao suddenly wanted to fall through the floor and disappear. “He told you that? Is that what you were laughing about in the kitchen?”

“No,” Junhui jumped up from the couch and crossed the floor so fast with his long legs. “We were laughing about the way you apparently fart in your sleep!”

Minghao’s face was burning and he turned away but Junhui wrapped him in his arms and turned him back around. “Is this my life now? You guys ganging up on me?” “Yes,” Junhui smiled widely, then a little softer. “I don’t care if you fart in bed because then I can too.”

“Ew,” Minghao wrinkled his nose and tried to squirm away but Junhui had a firm grip. He closed his eyes and his irritation faded away as the man pressed soft kisses down the side of his neck, sucking when he found a particularly interesting patch of skin by his Adam’s apple.

Was it always going to be this easy? This fun?

He hoped so.

The wine glasses were emptied and not refilled. They lay empty, abandoned on the coffee table, left forgotten along with Minghao’s inhibitions. “Will he wake?” Junhui asked, breathless, already shedding his clothes like a discarded second skin. “No,” Minghao wasn’t a hundred percent sure on that but he didn’t want to stop. Yun never woke up and surely the universe could grant him just this one night.

He wanted to take his time now they had the clarity of sobriety. “God you’re beautiful,” he said surprising even himself as he leaned over Junhui spread out on his sheets. He was. The man was golden, glorious in his nudity, almost impossible to look at. 

His hands ran down Junhui’s sides, across his stomach, lower and lower until the other was hard. “I’ve barely touched you,” he smirked a little as he felt the balance of power tip back in his favour. All day he’d been held hostage by Junhui’s flirtatious charms and easy smiles. Now he was in control.

His tongue was hot and he wanted to taste every inch of Junhui. He licked across his abs, smooth and barely there, soft enough to make him melt under Minghao’s touch. “Tickles,” Junhui squirmed under him but Minghao wasn’t going to give him a break.

He found all his favourite parts on Junhui’s body and kissed them until they were pink, the crease where his hip folded into his pubic hair, the round swell where his ass cheek became a long stretch of muscled thigh, the sprinkle of hair around his deep bellybutton. “Don’t we need to hurry?” Junhui whispered as his back arched off the bed and Minghao just pressed him back down into the mattress.

“I can’t rush,” Minghao stroked Junhui hard, thumb sliding across the tip. “I just want to enjoy you for a while.” He stretched his lips around Junhui’s length and hummed with delight at its weight on his tongue. He’d never enjoyed himself so much as in the last few weeks. The change in him was so stark and had come about so quickly and it was all thanks to the man gasping silently beneath him.

The atmosphere in the room was almost electric as he felt Junhui relax and open up for him. He brought him to the edge and almost over it with his tongue, cheeks hollowing, sucking and tasting. When he was panting and gasping Minghao allowed him reprieve and slid his body up to taste his lips as well.

The stars in his eyes bled with unshed tears of pleasure as Minghao used his fingers to spread him and then slid inside. It was like coming home, the way they fit together, like his soul had been on a long hiatus and was finally finding its place. The clench of his body, hot and wet, the flavour of his tears salty and sweet on Minghao’s lips. It was all so fucking perfect. 

“I’m coming,” Junhui whispered as nails dragged down his back leaving trails of stardust in their wake. “Me too,” Minghao rolled his hips and thrust harder, a little faster, his body stuttering its way into the release of orgasm. Their breathing was so in sync, heavy and open mouthed, almost frantic for oxygen as they came down from the high. As soon as it was over Minghao craved more; a different kind of high he’d forgotten he needed. He wanted to dance.

He wanted to dance along the light of day, in every dawn and every dusk, in every sunbeam that caught in Junhui’s hair. He wanted to break out and become who he used to be before he forgot how to trust and had to learn how to love again. He was still that person but now he knew he he was more; stronger and smarter and no longer alone. With Junhui by his side he could do it. He could learn to dance again.

He didn’t say it. He just got up and found something to clean their sticky bodies, wiping away the mess between them, wrapping Junhui’s body up in his own long lithe limbs. He wanted to say it but he kept it in; saying it in his head was enough.

_I’m so in love with you already Wen Junhui. Youmade me find myself when I didn’t even know I needed to look._

“I can stay right?” Junhui blinked at him in the darkness and Minghao nodded. “Of course. Please stay.” He held him tighter, clutching at his skin, drinking in his touch like walking through rain. 

_Please stay. Always._

He wasn’t about to beg but it was all he could think as he clung onto this new happiness and closed his eyes.

“What time is it?” Junhui blinked his eyes open and looked around. “It’s early,” Minghao whispered. “Dont wake up.”

Luckily they had scrambled for tshirts and shorts in the darkness because now it was daylight and the door was cracked open.

“Daddy?” Yun said softly and Minghao rolled over to beckon him in. “Why are you awake already?” He said as he made room for Yun to crawl under his side of the blanket and the little boy snuggled into his warmth. And there, nestled in the bedding and surrounded by the warmth of their bodies, Minghao felt himself heal. His scars were becoming a patchwork of stars instead of open wounds and they didn’t sting nearly as much.

Yun climbed over him to bury himself between them and it was nothing short of perfection. Minghao knew Junhui had to teach dance later that day and he was going to go with him.


	19. Chapter 19

This was potentially the biggest moment in Minghao’s blossoming relationship. He was almost shaking from nerves. Mingyu was the most important person in his life, besides Yun; closer than any family member. He’d seen him at his worst, helped him up from his lowest points, and now he was going to have to give his approval to someone who was fast catching up in the rankings.

He wished it was somewhere more elegant but this was the only place he could guarantee Yun’s amusement. He stood in line at the touch screen and tapped his order for chicken nuggets and fries and a small strawberry milkshake. “Sweet chilli, don’t forget Daddy,” Yun tugged at his arm and Minghao added it to the order.

“There’s Uncle Gyu!” Yun waved excitedly as he jumped up and down. Mingyu was rushing towards him with Wonwoo in tow and Yun broke away to run and jump into his arms. “Hi!” he squealed as Minghao whirled him around in a circle. “Two weeks until my birthday Uncle Gyu don’t forget!” “How could I forget?” the man laughed as he put the little boy back down onto the ground. “You remind me every time I see you.”

“Where is he?” Mingyu looked around and Minghao shrugged. “He’s coming after work. Sometimes he has to wait behind if parents are late.” He felt nerves churning in his stomach even though he didn’t know why. He was sure they were going to like him but he needed them to like him. This was his family, Yun’s family, he just needed to pull the threads a little and draw it all together.

A tiny part of him was worried Junhui wasn’t going to show but all of a sudden the shining dark SUV pulled up beside Minghao’s battered old station wagon and he was getting out.

“There’s Junnie!” Yun yelled out as he ran to the window just as Minghao took the box of nuggets from the counter.

He looked like a dream as he walked across the carpark. He was dressed casually in his clothes from work, a simple jeans and polo shirt, but the shirt was the most stunning shade of baby pink Minghao had ever seen. His hair was blown back in the wind just enough to make it look like he was walking straight out of dream and into the McDonald’s restaurant.

“Junnie!” Yun jumped at Junhui and the man caught him in the air. “Hi little stormcloud,” he said as he shifted him to one side onto his hip with one arm. “Hi,” he breathed out a little softer as he pulled Minghao by the waist with his free hand. He didn’t kiss him on the lips but on the cheek making Minghao blush the same pink as Junhui’s shirt.

“Nuggies!” Yun exclaimed loudly from his perch on Junhui’s right hip and reached up to squeeze his face. “Okay well get down then.” He dropped the little boy down to the ground and when Minghao handed Yun the nuggets he squealed in surprise. Junhui swept him closer than before, leaning in to kiss him slowly and enthusiastically, leaving him breathless when they broke apart.

“Hi,” he smiled at him and Minghao wanted to melt.

“Hi,” he giggled a little, “there’s kids around you know.”

“Only Yun and he’s seen us kissing already!” Junhui took his hand and clutched it and only then did he notice the other two men staring at them with intense interest.

“Hi,” he held out the hand that wasn’t holding Minghao’s. “I’m Junhui. Obviously, well I hope so anyway….” He shook hands with Mingyu who was grinning back at him and then with Wonwoo who was decidedly more reserved.

“Sorry I was late,” he settled in on the bench seat right next to Minghao and across from the other two. “I left work early but I called in past the party place and they have a bouncy castle free for the weekend of Yun’s birthday. So I put down a deposit and I got held up with the paperwork but the good news is we can make a guest list and send out invitations tomorrow.”

“Can I also have pony rides?’ Yun looked up from his nuggets. “No,” Junhui said, “but what about snow cones?” “yeah!” Yun abandoned his nuggets to climb across Minghao’s lap and onto Junhui’s. The man, infinitely patient, ignored the sweet chilli sauce being smeared across his arm and shifted Yun so he could sit. His eyes flicked over to the box and silently indicated it to Minghao who pushed it across the table. “Eat your nuggets,” Junhui said and Yun resumed his munching as the adults chatted.

“Yeah, so I have my own house…” Junhui said, “and the yard is big so I just thought we could have the party there. There’s heaps of room and I don’t mind.” “It’s not an apartment?” Mingyu asked, curious, houses with big yards were expensive. “Yeah, well, I inherited a little money from my grandfather. Not a lot but enough for a good deposit. I always wanted a nice house with a big yard because I’ve always wanted a family.” His eyes were soft as he looked across the table at the other two men. Mingyu, so protective, had been efficiently interrogating him for the last twenty minutes. Wonwoo had barely opened his mouth; he was still new enough to not want to interrupt. Minghao just sat back silently as he listened and realised he was learning new things about Junhui as well; things he’d never even thought to ask.

“And your job? It’s steady and secure?” Mingyu raised an eyebrow and Minghao flushed with embarrassment. Mingyu was acting like an overprotective father but Junhui seemed unbothered. “I like my job and its secure but I’m still studying. I’ll complete my masters in early childhood education in three months and I can move into teaching at a school if I want. I like the centre though. The kids are fun and I like my workmates and it leaves me with enough free time to keep volunteering at the youth centre with my dance.”

Minghao wanted to laugh at that. Mingyu was highly successful and so was Wonwoo, they were a little group of creative powerhouses, especially with Minghao’s recent success at the gallery. Now they had a dancer in the group and the designer was clearly interested. “Dancer …. You ever considered modelling?” he asked and Junhui laughed. “No. I haven’t.” he seemed to think the idea was just hysterical as he laughed enough to make Yun move back onto the bench between them.

“Can I come to your house tonight?” Yun asked as he blinked up from the bench. “I want to see the cats.” “Not tonight little stormcloud,” Junhui ruffled his hair fondly and leaned over to kiss him on the head. “Cats?” Wonwoo finally opened his mouth and Minghao knew he was sold as well. “Yes I also volunteer at a cat shelter and I have two of my own.” Junhui pulled up pictures on his phone and handed it over to Wonwoo so he could see them.

Minghao leaned back a little as the conversation started to flow more naturally and the other three men chattered happily. He just sat in silence and watched as they talked and Junhui hoisted Yun back onto his lap and encouraged him to finish his food. Napkins were produced from somewhere and he cleaned Yun’s hands and his own arms from the sweet chilli sauce without a fuss. Yun ran off to the playground and, without missing a beat in the conversation, Junhui slid over to close the gap between them.

“I have to go,” Junhui suddenly said. “I’ve got an assignment due and I’ll have to work on it tonight if I want my weekend free. And I want my weekend free.” He leaned in again and kissed Minghao a little deeper this time, a little too wildly for a McDonalds playground. “Come over tomorrow with Yun, I’ll cook, and I have a little surprise for him. And email me a list of people for the birthday party and I’ll do the invitations up tomorrow and send them out. Okay?” “Okay?” Minghao nodded like he was in a dream.

Junhui waved and hopped happily in a little skip as he headed out to his car. Minghao’s eyes didn’t move from the vehicle until it pulled away and when he turned back to Mingyu the man’s face was twisted in a delighted smirk.

“Go on,” Minghao said, “say it. I know you want to.”

“No wonder you’re so whipped though,” Mingyu’s face softened into a smile. “He’s perfect. He’s literally perfect. Makes me wonder what he’s hiding.”

“He isn’t hiding anything,” Minghao retorted as he picked at Yun’s abandoned fries. The little boy’s interest in the table had disappeared with Junhui’s departure and he was climbing the stairs into the playground. “He’s perfect and everything is perfect. And I’m going to stop worrying about why everything is so perfect and just relax and enjoy it for once.”

He crossed his arms defiantly and Mingyu laughed. “I’m just messing with you. He’s great and he’s great with Yun and that’s all that matters. We just want you to be happy.” “I am,” Minghao uncrossed his arms and began to pack up the mess for the rubbish bin. “I’m so happy I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like I’m living in a dream and every time he opens his mouth he’s just more perfect, kinder, funnier, better….”

It was all so perfect it was really like a dream.

“I’m so sorry but I’ll be ten minutes late Jeonghan just brought in some potential buyers”

He fired the text message off to Junhui and began to quickly tidy his work area into something more presentable.

“I’ll take Yun straight to my house when we close just meet us there”

The response was quick and he breathed a sigh of relief. Technically Junhui was breaking the centre’s rules, only because in the whirlwind of their new relationship Minghao hadn’t thought of adding him to Yun’s list of approved adults, but it would be okay. It gave him some breathing space to relax and meet the buyers and hopefully sell some art.

His work was scattered in the area and all over the walls. He’d been so focused on his new relationship he hadn’t even realised how it had affected his work until he saw the reaction from the buyers. “Wow,” the woman exclaimed, her eyes searching the painting for every detail. “The colours are so alive. This would be great in our space.” 

She turned to the man with her who agreed and Minghao made polite small talk with them as Jeonghan led them around the small but well organised exhibition. They disregarded his older work, all heavy grey and black, but wrote a cheque for two of his recent pieces and said they wanted a personal piece commissioned. The sale and the deposit for the commission were more than Minghao had ever made. His chest felt light as he watched Jeonghan walk them out, still charming them in that sincere way he had, and as soon as they were gone he jumped up and down like a child. He was finally getting somewhere and, as an added bonus, he wasn’t rushing late to the childcare centre. 

He knew exactly what he’d be walking in on at the home which wasn’t his home, Junhui competent and Yun content, and the house all warm and welcoming. What he didn’t know was that a car was following him from the gallery to Junhui’s house at a secretive distance.

“Daddy!” Yun was seated at Junhui’s dining table with a big bowl of chicken and rice in front of him. “Here,” Junhui put a bowl of green vegetables down next to it and pushed it closer. “Remember what I said.” Yun nodded and picked a big piece of broccoli and shoved it into his mouth. “Hungry?” Junhui asked and Minghao followed him into the kitchen where the scent of garlic and soy sauce permeated the air. “Always,” he took the bowl offered and checked but there were no signs of any chilli to shock him. The chicken was covered in a dark sauce and some sesame seeds and that was it.

“I made a good sale,” he said when they sat, side by side across from Yun. “I’m so proud of you,” Junhui said warmly and it shocked Minghao a little. He never expected it but it made the light feeling in his chest swell like it was going to burst. “Me too. I’m proud of you too Daddy,” Yun said so seriously and it shocked Minghao a little. He realised why it felt so good but also hurt so much; Yun had never heard anyone say that before. He was just imitating Junhui but Minghao wanted desperately for Yun to be proud of him and it was overwhelming that now he had someone to teach him this.

“The food is amazing!” Minghao was hungrier than he thought and shovelled it in a little too quickly to be polite. He realised what he was doing and tried to slow down but Junhui just laughed and poured him a glass of water. Had they already reached the point of their relationship where they no longer had to be on edge with each other? Could they already be this comfortable?

They finished their food and Yun, unexpectedly, finished his as well as the green vegetables. “What have you bribed him with?” Minghao asked as he helped Junhui clear the dishes from the table and the man turned to him suddenly serious. “I don’t want you to be mad, I probably should have checked with you first, but I have a surprise. It’s for Yun but also kind of for you as well.”

“Can I have the surprise now? I ate my vegetals!” Yun smiled proudly and grabbed Junhui by the hand and Minghao trailed behind them. “Okay, are you ready?” Junhui twisted the doorknob and opened the door and Yun’s eyes widened like saucers. 

“Is this my room?” he asked and Junhui nodded. “Happy birthday little stormcloud. I know it’s early but I hope you like it.”

Yun took off into the room to jump on the bed. It was brand new and covered in a bright blue comforter printed with red and yellow and green dinosaurs. The walls were blue as well and hand painted with clouds covering them all and the roof. There was a cupboard for clothes and a toy box for toys and a round rug on the floor for sitting and cushions everywhere for relaxing.

“Daddy do you like it? Can we sleep here tonight please?”

Minghao smirked to himself. He wanted to say it was too much, too early and too soon, but he just didn’t have the fight left in him. Being with Junhui was like being swept along on a wild wave, unpredictable and a little too much fun, but hurtling him at top speed in the right direction.

“I see your ulterior motive,” Minghao whispered to Junhui as he pulled him close by the waist. “You just want to get me in your bed tonight.” “And?” Junhui let himself be pulled into Minghao’s arms. “I said it was a surprise for you as well. I know it’s too early to move in but it would be nice for you guys to be able to stay over whenever you want.”

“So can we sleep here tonight?” Yun’s eyes begged and pleaded. “Mittens and Socks might sleep in here with me. Please Daddy please?”

“What about our clothes?” Minghao watched Junhui walk over and open the cupboard to find it stocked with a few pairs of perfectly Yun sized pyjamas and a few sets of clothes. “You’ve really made it hard to say no,” he said as he checked and, of course, they were all the right sizes. “That was the intention,” Junhui whispered, “but I didn’t by any for you. Maybe you might have to wear something of mine tomorrow.”

The look in his eyes at the idea of Minghao going to work in his clothes was possessive, almost carnivorous, as he stared at Minghao so intently. “Okay, fine. Yes Yun we can sleep here tonight.” “Yay!” Yun ran from the room and they looked at each other quizzically before he ran back with his backpack. “Here you go Miao Miao, new bed look, new sheets….”

They left him alone to enjoy his new space and headed back into the kitchen. “You really are a dream, you know that?” Minghao closed his eyes as he was pressed into the kitchen bench, back arched gracefully as he let Junhui trail kisses down his neck. “Dreams come true,” Junhui mumbled as he took his time, working his lips along Minghao’s neck and winding fingers in his hair. 

Dreams definitely could come true. Laying in Junhui’s enormous bed in the dark was a dream. The silence, the space, the privacy. The two rooms and bathroom separating Junhui’s room from where Yun was peacefully sleeping. It was all a perfect dream Minghao never wanted to wake from.

“Jun,” he moaned softly, still cautious despite the space. “Hmmm...” Junhui hummed the most minimal of responses as he swirled his tongue around the tip of Minghao’s cock. “Jun, fuck....” Minghao swore and hissed in pleasure as Junhui bobbed his head just a little, barely sucking at the tip. He arched up and gripped his hair as he huffed oxygen in and out of his nose. 

“Jun.... stop...” he couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled Junhui up towards him and helped the man settle onto his lap. “Hao,” Junhui whispered, voice small and breathy as he spread himself over Minghao’s lap. Minghao used slick fingers to work him open slowly, taking his time, enjoying learning all the ways he could make Junhui gasp and giggle and sigh. 

As Junhui sank slowly down onto his cock Minghao closed his eyes to savour it. All the pain of his past must have been a trial, a test of his endurance and strength, and he must have passed with flying colours. The universe had sent him such an incredible reward. “Hao,” Junhui cried out as his fingers tangled in Minghao’s hair and his hips rode down on his body. “You’re amazing,” Minghao dug hard fingers into the soft flesh of his hips and thrust up to meet him halfway.

Junhui hissed and Minghao apologised but Junhui just brushed it off. “It’s fine,” he mumbled into Minghao’s ear as he rode him, “I like it. I like your marks on me. I love the way you touch me.”

Minghao squeezed harder and Junhui whined as he came. The clench as he chased his orgasm was enough to send Minghao over the edge as well, hot and wet, his orgasm rocketing through his body with an intensity that shocked his system. Tears threatened to spill, tears of pure pleasure, tears of relief and happiness. He held them in though, not wanting to waste anymore, he’d surely cried enough in the past.

His dreams were sweet as he slept solidly all night with Junhui curled into his chest. The tickling of hair under his chin was a comfort and the weight of the man in his arms the best kind of reassurance. This was real, all real, all wonderful. All that he deserved.

Minghao dressed in the jeans and shirt Junhui had left out for him. Although they were definitely not his style it felt strangely good to wear his clothes, the same way he enjoyed the little pattern of bruises across his collarbone, it was nice to feel like he belonged to someone. He dressed and fixed his hair and walked out into the kitchen to find Yun eating cereal and Junhui packing lunchboxes. “I have to go,” he handed them both to Minghao, one was printed with a dinosaur and was clearly for Yun and the other, plain blue, was his. “I’ll see you when you drop him off but I can’t take him with me, you know…”

Minghao knew. The line between what was okay with the centre was a little blurry with them but Minghao knew that if Junhui took Yun with him this morning then everyone would know they’d spent the night. He knew they had to keep things a little more private for a little while. He smiled as Junhui pressed a spare key into his hand and a kiss on his cheek before he left for work.

It felt so perfect and so meaningful, being trusted to be left in his space alone, and he fussed around Yun making sure everything was packed away just right. Junhui’s home was much more orderly than his but it was also easier to clean up where there was space and storage and everything had a place. Where the burden wasn’t his alone.

“Let’s go,” he packed the lunchbox into Yun’s bag and waited while he grabbed the stuffed cat. They walked out and got into Minghao’s car and pulled away from the kerb.

He was so wrapped up in his routine Minghao failed to notice again. The black car from yesterday was parked on the corner and the woman inside was watching them from behind oversized Gucci sunglasses. Minghao didn’t take any notice of her as he pulled out and turned down the road and she followed them from a distance making sure she wasn’t seen.

“So,” Soonyoung had Junhui bailed up against the sink in the break room, “Yun went with you last night but you didn’t bring him in this morning?’ “No,” Junhui shook his head. “Its all still so new but also it feels right, like it’s been this way forever. I just didn’t want to bring him because I didn’t want everyone to know.” He looked around before leaning in closer. “They stayed over and the room was a hit. Thank you so much for your help.” “Anytime!” Soonyoung grinned and Junhui knew it was genuine. It was all to easy to get Soonyoung into the kids’ section in IKEA; it was getting him out that was the problem.

“They both really loved it,” Junhui’s eyes turned wistful as he sipped his coffee. “Is it wrong to feel like I’m finally getting everything I ever wanted?” Soonyoung leaned in for a half hug which was all they could manage with their hands full of coffee. “No Junhui. No one I know deserves it more than you.”

Junhui smiled at that, broadly, the wistfulness replaced with a clear-eyed sparkle. “We have a concert coming up with the youth centre and I want to ask him to dance with me. Do you think it’s too soon?” Soonyoung laughed loudly as he clapped him on the back and tipped the rest of his coffee into the sink. “Jun, you’re just throwing yourself headfirst into this aren’t you!” He smiled and pulled at Junhui’s arm. “You keep asking me if it’s too soon, if everything is too soon, but you should be asking him if it’s too soon. As long as you’re both happy it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”

Junhui knew Soonyoung was right. He had to go with his instinct. Everything felt good and so it shouldn’t matter to anyone else. He was happy, Minghao was happy and Yun was happy, and he decided to just go along with whatever life threw at him and make the most of it.

“Good morning,” he said brightly when Minghao arrived at the centre. “Junnie we already said good morning today at breakfast remember?” Yun yelled loudly as he ran towards the man. Junhui blushed and looked around to see Seungcheol chuckling to himself and Hansol staring at them from next to the front desk. “Remember!” Yun jumped into Junhui’s arms as he abandoned his backpack on the floor. “We had cornflakes from the cupboard and you said I couldn’t do the sugar myself because I would put too much but then you puts lots for me anyway! Remember?”

“I remember little storm cloud,” he said fondly as he ruffled the little boy’s dark hair and let him slide back to the floor. “So much for secrets,” the expression on Minghao’s face was wry with amusement as Yun began pulling everything out of his backpack and scattering the contents around their feet. Babies cried in the background, other parents wandered in and out as they dropped off their kids, staff were milling about carrying out their duties as they did every day. 

As chaos swirled around them they stood still in the eye of the storm enjoying the silent words unspoken between them. No matter how much chaos filled the air, overwhelmed their days, thundered through their nights nothing could shatter this bond. It was still tenuous and as taut as a bowstring but the tension thrumming through them was strong and sharp. There was no need for secrets; this was their life and it would take something earth shattering to break what they had already begun to build. This was the beginning of a whole new life for both of them; the start of a family.


	20. Chapter 20

“Cupcakes!” Yun’s legs were swinging as he perched on the edge of the bench. “Two kinds!Two colours two kinds one two one two.” He reached out for the bowl of icing, bright blue and sticky, and Minghao swung it away from his reach. “No way,” he said just as Junhui leaned forward and offered the other bowl within his reach. “Yummy!” Yun stuck his finger into the bright green icing and Junhui laughed as he stuffed his mouth full of the sugary concoction. “Jun,” Minghao tried to narrow his eyes and glare at Junhui but he just couldn’t do it. Not here, in this beautiful big kitchen, all gleaming white and filled with the sounds of joy and laughter and the scent of vanilla in the air. 

He just couldn’t bring himself to even pretend to be annoyed. Yun was so happy. He was happy too, the contrast with Yun’s last birthday so stark in his mind, the memory of just him and Mingyu and a store-bought cake lingering with a hint of regret.

It was all he could do at the time and it was enough. But now he wanted more and he was ready to reach out and grab it. He wanted more than just good enough, more than sufficient, he wanted happiness and excitement and fun. He wanted this new life he had managed to create and build up around himself and Yun. It hadn’t even taken long, the last few months like a whirlwind, and it was mostly due to Junhui. He could be proud of himself though - if he hadn’t gone after the gallery job and taken that frighteningly big first step none of this would have happened.

He felt unusually soft watching his little son exuberant with joy written all over his face. His mother’s eyes were the only legacy she left him but Minghao had never seen hers sparkle with this much happiness. He stirred the blue icing again and began to spoon it out onto the tray of vanilla cupcakes on the bench in front of him. Junhui had baked them, of course, but icing them gave Minghao a sense of accomplishment. He felt proud of this birthday party already; it was something he’d always wanted his son to have and he knew that going forward in life Yun was going to get a lot more of the things he needed, wanted and deserved.

Cupcakes and a bouncy castle seemed inconsequential in the grand scheme of Yun’s life but it was time to start making memories.

The doorbell rang and Yun squealed. “Bouncy house!” he yelled as he leaped from the bench and onto the floor. He hit the ground with a thump and Minghao winced but Yun just grabbed Junhui’s hand and pulled at his arm. “I know little stormcloud, just hang on…” Junhui took off the apron he was wearing over his t-shirt and jeans and wiped his hands on a clean towel. “Think you can handle this on your own?” His voice ghosted across Minghao’s ear on the way past and Minghao shivered at the breath caressing his ear. He nodded and tried not to look too dreamy as Junhui pressed a quick kiss to his cheek as he walked past him and out of the kitchen.

Minghao quickly spread icing on top of the remaining cakes on his tray and moved over to the other side where Junhui had left his own bowl lying forgotten on the bench. He picked up the blue and quickly worked to cover the other cakes and sprinkled them with little dinosaur shaped edible confetti’s Junhui had managed to find somewhere. He was just so good at all of this. He was made for family life, a father already without a child, just waiting for the pieces to fall in around him. 

Minghao gripped the bench as emotions overwhelmed him. It had seemed so fast but he was suddenly afraid he was moving too slow and was going to be left behind. He knew Junhui was holding back a little, scared to push too hard and too far, and a little while ago Minghao would have been grateful for this. He wasn’t that person anymore. Now he craved it, desperately wanted to feel like this was forever, like they were building a life and a home and a family that was stable and permanent and forever. Minghao suddenly wanted forever more than anything else.

How long have I been in love with him?

The realisation hit him hard as he packed the cupcakes away into neatly stackable containers and slid them into the refrigerator. When was that moment? Was it their first date, dancing under dim streetlights without music, Minghao dressed so self conscious and defensive in his old grey cardigan? Was it the day they went to the Bubblegum Funk concert and Junhui gave so much of himself unselfishly to make sure they had a good time?

Was it longer? Was it when he took Minghao by the hand and drew him into a dance, a duo barely days in the making, a first step towards synchronicity? Was it the night he lay in bed and watched endless hours of Junhui dancing on video, his limbs so graceful and lithe, his face a myriad of expression and emotion?

Minghao didn’t know. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint the moment when he fell in love. He didn’t even know why it people used that term; falling in love. 

Falling implied a sudden shift, a tipping point where the world changed its orbit and swung on its axis, a feeling of control slipping and dropping away. Falling in love with Junhui was more like swimming; edging closer to the water’s edge, dipping a toe and then a whole foot, and then before you knew it you were floating, surrounded and all consumed, sometimes on the edge of drowning but effortless and beautiful when you relaxed.

Minghao was suddenly swimming in love. It was all around him, in the vanilla in the air and the sound of Yun far off in the distance chatting excitedly, the comfort of knowing all this was his and would be for as long as he wanted it. He wanted forever and knowing this, finally realising it, made him feel invincible. With Junhui and Yun by his side he could do anything.

He washed the bowls in the sink and dried them before heading down the long corridor to the front of the house. Yun was still talking a million words a minute and he knew he had to go and rescue Junhui a little; even though he was the one who let Yun eat the icing from the bowl. The sugar rush was all Junhui’s fault and it really should be his burden to bear.

He found Junhui in the yard with the side gates open. A man was busily staking a bouncy castle into the grass of the back yard while another pushed a slushy machine cart over by the house. Yun was seated on Junhui’s shoulders, hands in his hair, and chatter streaming constantly from his mouth. Junhui had the patience of a saint as he nodded and wandered around so Yun could see everything that was happening from the perfect vantage point without getting in the way.

“Junhui,” Minghao said as a third man walked over from a van parked out the front with a big helium container. “What?” he blinked so innocently as the man began inflating helium balloons and setting up a balloon arch under the back patio. “Bouncy castle, slushy machines and a balloon arch?” 

He tried again to glare but the joy on Yun’s face was making it so hard to keep up the facade and Junhui just shrugged. “You paid for all the food and they gave me a good package deal.” Minghao let it go, not even bothering to argue, he knew it was time to let Junhui in properly and completely without reservation.

Minghao just moved closer and put his arm around him, nestling his hand into the small of his back, as they watched the men stake the castle into the ground. They gave Junhui instructions on how to run it and safety precautions and then they were gone and the sun was going down on Yun’s last day of being a three year old. “Time to get some dinner organised,” Junhui lifted Yun from his shoulders and the little boy ran ahead up the stairs and into the open front door. “Let’s just order in some takeaway,” Minghao smiled. “I don’t want to have to clean the kitchen again.”

The lights had been dimmed and the living room was cosy. Junhui had an incredible modular corner couch with recliners and a chaise lounge which Yun thought was his. He was stretched out watching his favourite show on tv coming down from his sugar high while Minghao and Junhui curled up in the corner silently enjoying the peace. Junhui was tapping at his phone and Minghao was silently mulling over his latest art piece, wondering if he should incorporate some green tones, when the doorbell rang again. “Noodles!” Yun jumped up from the couch, interest in his show disregarded over the prospect of food, and Junhui got up too. “Stay here,” he said to Minghao, pressing a kiss to his forehead but Minghao got up too. He wanted to pay for the dinner and he grabbed his wallet off the hall stand as he followed them to the door.

Junhui threw the door open and Yun rushed forward past him, excitedly expectant for his dinner, but slinking back a little at the stranger on the doorstep. Big dark eyes, an exact replica of his own, stared down at the little boy who was reaching back for the security of Junhui’s hand.

“Yun?” the woman asked and Yun stared at her.

“Yumei?” Minghao pushed past Junhui and into the doorway. “What the fuck?”

“Daddy?” Yun said, voice suddenly small, scared of the intensity surrounding the adults.

“Yun? Yun, come here baby, its me. Your Mama.” She crouched down with her arms out and Yun shrank back even further. He clung to Junhui’s hand and grabbed his arm with the other and Junhui looked from the woman in the doorway over to Minghao. “Yun,” Minghao said softly, “Junhui’s going to take you back into the living room. Okay?

“Minghao-“ she stammered but he cut her off. “Please Jun?’ his eyes pleaded and Junhui picked Yun up and clutched him close to his chest. “Come on little stormcloud. Let’s let these adults talk a little without us.”

“Why?’ he stared at her and she shrank a little. “What do you mean why? He’s my son Minghao. Its his birthday tomorrow. I would never forget.” “You forgot last year. You didn’t even send a card.” “I did,” tears began to brim in her beautiful big almond eyes and their resemblance to Yun’s made Minghao feel sick. He didn’t want her to cry but he couldn’t help the anger and resentment bubbling up inside him.

“I did remember and I did send a card but it was returned to sender. You moved.”

He did move between Yun’s second and third birthday. He’d had a rough spot with sales of his paintings and Yun had been having trouble sleeping which meant Minghao wasn’t sleeping either. He’d run out of savings that year and had to move due to not being able to afford the rent and not willing to take any help from Mingyu who’s business was just taking off.

“So how did you find me then?” Minghao narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. “I searched on the internet and found a picture of you at the gallery you work at from a news story. It had the gallery name and I came here and followed you home from there.” “This isn’t even my home. I can’t believe you just showed up here like this..” Minghao felt his grasp on the situation slip a little as he ran hands through his hair and a sudden realisation dawned on him, dark and twisted, sickening his stomach with cold dark fear. 

“You can’t take him. I swear to god, Yumei, you cannot take him from me I won’t let you.” He glared again and she shrank back a little further but she shook her head. “I know. I can’t take him anyway even if I wanted to. I’ve been offered a role in an ongoing drama. It’s a big break for me but this was my only chance to try and see him before I start filming. I’m going to be really busy but I just wanted a chance to maybe see him for his birthday. Please.”

She sniffed a little and a part of Minghao felt heartbreakingly sad for her and an overwhelming relief that she wasn’t here to take his son. Their son. He could never let that happen. He would never ever let him go. Another part of him felt just as angry as ever; her priority was still her career over their son and that was never going to change.

“Can I at least come in for a little while?” she looked around behind her. The sun was dropping rapidly now and night was threatening the edges of the sky. Orange and pink were being fast defeated by shades of black and grey and violet and a cold wind was starting to whip up around them. “I told you it’s not my house,” Minghao said but the venom had been drained from his voice by relief and a little indignant pride. “It’s Junhui’s house.”

“I didn’t realise,” she said and stared at the ground. When she looked up Minghao’s heart broke for her. It was only then that he saw the dark circles under her heavy eyes and the red rims around them. He’d spent so much of the last three years of his life angry, consumed by fear and resentment, and he wasn’t about to become that person again. Not when he’d worked so hard and become so brave. Not when happiness was the dominating energy in his life and anger was all but forgotten.

“Come in,” he said as he stepped aside in the doorway and she walked tentatively towards him.

“That’s beautiful,” she said when she saw the huge canvas dominating the room. Her eyes seemed a little wistful as they wandered across the colours, gold and pink and beautiful soft peaches decorated with Yun’s childish scrawls. “He definitely takes after you.” “He does.” 

Minghao didn’t know how to just be in the same space as her without emotions tumbling over each other threatening to escape. How had he once thought he loved her so much when now he knew what real love was like; an endless ebb and flow of give and take. A partnership. True love was a collaboration. He was always grateful to her though. He wouldn’t change things for anything. His life had somehow grown into something beautiful and wonderful and filled with magic and laughter and happiness.

“Daddy!” Yun held his arms out when he and Junhui appeared in the hallway. “I’m going to go and wait for the food. You are welcome to stay if you like.” Junhui’s easy control over the most difficult situations was never more welcome. He disappeared out the front door when Minghao took Yun from his arms leaving the three of them alone to walk into the living room. Yumei looked around at the stunning furniture and the gleaming paintwork scattered with toys and soft blankets and a few of Yun’s books open on the coffee table. She sat perched precariously on the edge of the couch and Minghao sat on the opposite side with Yun on his lap.

“Yun,” Minghao said carefully, “this is Miss Yumei. She’s your mother. Do you remember her?” Yun stared and stuck a finger in his mouth as he thought carefully. “No. You don’t look like a Mama.” He slid from Minghao’s lap and walked over to her. “You’re pretty. Do you like dancing?” “No darling,” she said softly, her breath seemingly scarce as if she was afraid to scare him away. “I’m not nearly as good at dancing as your Daddy is.” “Daddy is a good dancer,” Yun seemed pleased with that deduction, “but not as good as Junnie. Junnie is the prettiest dancer ever and he has two cats. Their names are Mittens and Socks and they’re hiding.”

“Is Junnie Daddy’s friend?” Yumei looked around still trying to make sense of the situation and where all the pieces fell into place but Yun just laughed loudly and ran back to Minghao’s lap. “No, silly, Junnie isn’t a Mama because he’s not a girl but he does all the Mama things. He can dance and sing and cooks really yummy food and when he kisses Daddy he smiles like this.” Yun closed his eyes and did his best impersonation of Minghao’s dreamiest smile and he had to laugh out loud. “Is that really what I look like?” he chuckled and Yun pressed his hands to Minghao’s cheeks. “Junnie makes Daddy really happy. He doesn’t cry any more or drink wine. Only sometimes now.” He slipped back off Minghao’s lap to grab Yumei by the hand. “Do you want to see my room?”

Her eyes flashed with hope and Minghao nodded. “Go on,” he forced a smile. “Mittens is probably on your bed again.” They headed down the hallway just as Junhui walked back in with two plastic bags swinging from his hands.

Silence hung between them, heavy and potent, pushing things to the surface that had been long buried. Junhui didn’t speak, he didn’t have to, he just put the bags down on the coffee table and pulled Minghao into his arms. He stroked the back of his head and held him as Minghao steadied his breath and used the quiet affection to ground himself.

“It’s going to be fine,” Junhui whispered. “She’s not going to take him. It will be fine.” “I know,” Minghao let the selfishness slip out in a sharp barb. “She doesn’t even want to. She’s still too busy to be his mother.” “Hao,” Junhui leaned back to look into Minghao’s eyes. “Just let her give whatever she can give. We’ll always be able to fill in the gaps for him. Okay?” “Okay.” Minghao closed his eyes again and leaned forward to rest his forehead in the soft space where Junhui’s shoulder joined his neck and listened to the sound of Yun’s chatter leaking from the bedroom.

“Come and eat,” Junhui stood in the doorway of Yun’s room as Minghao got plates out of the cupboard. Yun was in the middle of the bed with Mittens while Yumei stood a little awkwardly in the middle of the room. Her heels were sky high but she still seemed small compared to Junhui’s 6ft height. Her hair was long and dark and she was exceptionally pretty but Junhui had expected that. 

Nothing about her was any different to how he pictured her in his mind. Her clothes were all designer, obviously expensive, and the petty part of Junhui wanted to scowl at her for her vapid selfishness. She could wear Gucci while Minghao was wearing paint stained shoes and the same old ratty cardigan to put food in their son’s mouth. She may be exceptionally pretty in her designer outfit but no one was more beautiful to Junhui than Minghao in his old grey cardigan with paint spatters in his hair. That was true beauty and he was grateful he was able to see it and value it.

Junhui could see her weighing him up, trying to decipher the secrets they were keeping, and still finding no clue. Yun jumped from the bed and slipped his hand into Junhui’s and blinked up at him looking for guidance. “Come on little stormcloud,” he ruffled his hair with his free hand. “Aren’t you hungry?” Yun nodded and Junhui beckoned Yumei to follow them. “There’s plenty of food,” he said gently, in that calm way he’d practiced so often with the children he cared for, and she was led easily to follow them back into the living room.

“None for Daddy!” Yun said proudly as he let Junhui dish spicy Szechuan beef onto his plate. “Junnie likes spicy and I like spicy but Daddy can’t eat spicy it makes him do this-“ Yun mimed Minghao wiping furiously at his tongue and then fanning it like it was on fire. “Hey!” Minghao pushed at him jokingly, “I’m not that bad!” “Really?” Junhui smirked at him, incredulous and eyes filled with mischief, and Minghao laughed again. “Okay okay, maybe I am that bad.” “Do you like spicy Miss Yumei?” Yun asked and her eyes filled with tears before she blinked them back. “I do,” she held her plate out to him and Yun put a few slices of beef onto her rice with his chopsticks.

After eating slowly and cleaning up even slower it was getting late. Yun’s eyes were drooping as he lazed on Junhui’s lap and Minghao offered tea and coffee to which Yumei shook her head. “I’ve already taken up enough of your time. I’ve got a gift for him in the car, would it be okay if I give it to him before I leave?” Minghao looked from the little boy nestled in Junhui’s lap to the man holding him lovingly like he was the most precious thing in the world and over to the woman who’d caused him more pain than he ever imagined he could experience. He looked at the little family he was building and took a deep breath before digging deep into the depths of his heart and finally pulling apart the last thread.

“We’re having a birthday party for him tomorrow. It would be nice if you came.”

Her eyes lit up in a way that Minghao barely remembered. “Really?” she asked and Minghao nodded as Junhui smiled small and gentle at him. “Yeah, its here, at 12pm.” “My flight doesn’t leave until 6,” she said. “I’ll be here.”

Minghao walked her to the door and held it open. “Thank you,” she said. “I do really appreciate it.” “I know,” he said before closing the door behind him and taking a deep cleansing breath. It felt like he was closing the door on his own trauma, no longer locking it away or burying it deep, finally letting it go.

“Why did she come here?” Yun asked sleepily as Minghao tucked him into the thick fluffy quilt spread out over his new bed. “She wanted to see you for your birthday.” He stroked Yun’s hair back from his forehead and made a mental note to book him in for a haircut. His curls were getting a little too long. “But why?” 

Yun yawned and reached for a stuffed dinosaur and wrapped his arms around it. Minghao didn’t know how to answer him. He couldn’t explain why Yumei decided to come all this way, why she couldn’t quite hold on or decide to let go, why she couldn’t stay or why she wouldn’t leave.

“I don’t know baby,” he leaned over and kissed him on the forehead where he’d been carefully dragging the curls away from Yun’s eyes. He watched the little boy smile sleepily and close his eyes before he opened them again. “Do I have to call her Mama?” he asked and Minghao shook his head. “No, you can call her Yumei.” He wasn’t going to tell the little boy he had to give her a place in his life he wasn’t ready for. That place would have to be earned and he wasn’t sure she was ever going to earn it.

That seemed somehow to be enough as the little boy snuggled even deeper into his soft bedding. “Goodnight Daddy love you Daddy,” he said quietly before sitting up a little and looking over to the doorway. “Love you too baby,” Minghao whispered before moving to make space on the bed for Junhui who was lingering and Yun was clearly looking for.

“Goodnight little stormcloud,” Junhui leaned over him and kissed him in the space on his forehead Minghao had made. “Goodnight Junnie, love you Junnie,” Yun reached up and Junhui leaned down to let him wrap his tiny arms around Junhui’s neck. “I love you too,” he said and tears pricked at Minghao’s eyes. He felt warm all over, heart swelling with the feeling of being allowed to witness such a tender moment, tinted with just a hint of jealousy. In his typical open way so indicative of his warm personality, and the innocence of a child’s heart, Yun had been able to tell Junhui he loved him before Minghao did.

He craved it. He wanted it so much, to hear ‘I love you’ and to be able to say it back, and he was filled with awe over how Yun had so easily shown him what he wanted. It wasn’t too fast and it wasn’t too much. It was just right for them and so it was perfect.

As they lay under cool cotton sheets he realised there was something else he needed to hear.

“I’m so proud of you,” Junhui said as he trailed a finger down the centre of Minghao’s bare chest. Minghao shivered both at the physical sensation and the mental feeling and couldn’t tell where one began and the other ended. “Thank you,” he said softly before pulling in a breath as deep as he could and exhaling slowly. He leaned over Junhui to kiss him, arms caging him in, skin on skin as their bare chests pressed close and their lips moved slowly against each other. It was moments like this, naked and warm with no secrets between them, that Minghao truly felt like himself again.

“I’m in love with you,” he said with his voice trembling slightly but a strength he never knew he had. “Junhui I love you. I’m sorry if it’s too much or too fast or too-“ “Hao,” Junhui reached over and put his hand across Minghao’s lips. “Stop. Don’t ruin it!” he laughed wide and bright, his smile somehow sparkling even in the dark. “I love you too. It’s not too fast or too much. I’m sick of trying to put the brakes on this when I just want to enjoy the ride.” Minghao leaned over and kissed him again and then buried his face in the warm skin of Junhui’s bare chest. He was tired of it too. He wanted all of this and more and faster, busier, better and stronger. He was ready for it.

The curtains blew as a cool breeze seeped in from outside and the sound of a few spatters on the glass heralded the start of a midsummer storm. They blew over sometimes at this time of year, scattering the night with drops of moonlight, gone by morning. Hopefully this one was too. Minghao didn’t want a storm to ruin the birthday party but in the end it was out of his control. If it rained it rained and if it poured then they would all move inside. You couldn’t control the weather any more than you could control the nature of the human heart which was just as turbulent but no less wild and stunning.

Sometimes you just had to breathe in the petrichor and prepare to dance in the rain.

The end

Epilogue

“I’m not standing near her. No way.” Mingyu’s arms were crossed and he was wearing a scowl Minghao hadn’t seen for a long time. “You can’t make me be nice to her.”

“Mingyu,” Minghao said slowly and carefully, “this isn’t about me or her or you. Its about Yun so can you please just be civil. It’s one day and then she’s going back to China and we probably won’t see her for another year.” 

He knew exactly where his friend was coming from. No one but Mingyu had seen him at the lowest depths after Yumei left them. He was the one who helped drag him up when no one else would, the one who would come and walk around with Yun crying in his arms so Minghao could take a shower, the one who literally put food on their table when money was tight. He had a right to be angry but now wasn’t the time or the place.

“I haven’t forgiven her Mingyu and I haven’t forgotten. I’m just tired of being sad and angry and bitter and I’m happy for once. I want to stay happy.”

“He’s okay with this?” Mingyu watched Junhui moving around the long table set up in the backyard. It was covered with a plastic tablecloth flapping in the gentle breeze that was keeping the heat at bay. The grass was barely damp, the night’s previous storm having blown over well before dawn, and the sun was shining over the party preparations. Yun was darting around his feet excitedly, trying to help set out cupcakes and jelly cups and plates of sandwiches as Junhui just dodged him artfully and continued his task without missing a beat. “He’s a little confused but, honestly, the party is a good distraction. It’s better this way.”

Yumei was sitting off to the side on a garden chair looking a little out of place. Her black dress and high heels weren’t the most practical and Minghao had stifled a giggle when he saw her sinking deep into the damp grass. It was take the shoes off or take a seat and she’d chosen the latter option which had effectively rendered her unable to move. She was watching intently, a little wistfully from behind her huge Gucci sunglasses, as Yun circled Junhui chattering non-stop.

She’d gifted him a teddy bear which he’d eyed with a medium level of enthusiasm. It was good quality and very cute but Yun’s tastes were moving on to the more exciting; dinosaurs and things with wheels and anything he could use to create. He’d held it long enough to seem polite before placing it carefully on his bed and leaving it behind in search of more interesting things. Mingyu and Wonwoo had gifted him a handmade easel, child sized and paired with a set of real watercolour paints, and that had piqued his interest.

“He likes your present better than hers,” Minghao smirked at Mingyu and watched his scowl turn into a petulant pout. “Good,” he frowned and turned to Wonwoo. “Let’s go help with the food.”

Minghao watched Mingyu lift Yun onto his shoulders as Wonwoo began to help Junhui set out paper cups and jugs of juice and spoons for the jellies. He watched on as Junhui went back inside and returned with a tall glass of water clinking with ice cubes and offered it to Yumei before helping her move the chair out of the sun and into a patch of shade by the back patio. 

He watched on as she leaned in close and said something to Junhui which made him nod and smile. She seemed more at ease then, her expression smoothing out into something more comfortable and relaxed, and Minghao marvelled at how well Junhui did it. He just had this natural magical way of making everything better and Minghao was suddenly grateful to Yumei. He had this wonderful life both because of her and in spite of her and he wouldn’t change it. Not for anything.

Children arrived, Yun bounced in the bouncy castle, there was pass the parcel and a bubble machine and endless shrieks of joy. The children ate and the adults made sure everything went according to plan and no one fought and everyone had fun. At the end Minghao went into the house and came back out with a big two-tier cake, blue and green, decorated all over with chocolates and marshmallows and sprinkles. He stood one side of Yun and Junhui stood the other side while everyone sang happy birthday and Mingyu took a hundred photos capturing the fun. The smiles were real and the colours of the icing were smeared across Yun’s face and Minghao couldn’t believe it was all real. He wanted to capture this feeling forever.

“Take one of just us,” he grabbed Junhui by the waist and pulled him closer. Yun was clinging to him, perched on his hip, and Minghao wasn’t going to be able to carry him like this much longer. He was getting too big. He had one arm around Minghao’s shoulders and when he came into reach he clung to Junhui with the other. Mingyu took the photos and handed the camera to Wonwoo so he could switch out with Junhui and be in a photo too. Minghao handed Yun over to Mingyu and took his turn at the camera so Yun could take a photo with his favourite uncles and Minghao looked around for Yumei. He beckoned her over and she got up tentatively but he held out a hand to steady her as she moved in closer.

“Smile,” Mingyu said when he picked up the camera again and they smiled for the photo. Minghao never knew this was where they were headed but he was glad they were here. She was going to leave again but this time Yun would have something tangible, a link to a part of him that would always be there, and Junhui was right. Whatever Yumei could give him now and into the future would be enough because both he and Minghao would always be able to fill in the gaps for him.

When he smiled at the camera his smile was real.

“What did she say to you when you helped her move the chair?”

The party was long over and packed away, Mingyu and Wonwoo gone home after helping, Yumei already left for the airport. Yun was in his room busy with his presents and Minghao and Junhui were collapsed on the couch enjoying the quiet. They didn’t even have the tv on. Minghao had been dying to know what transpired between the two of them and what made Yumei seem so at ease and he couldn’t resist asking.

“She told me she named him.” Junhui said carefully. “That the night she found she was pregnant there was a terrible storm and the next morning the sky was filled with fluffy white clouds.” Minghao nodded. He remembered that night, the way he held her while she sobbed, inconsolable.

“She said hearing me call him little stormcloud made her happy; that both you and Yun had someone who loved you and would take care of you. She said I was deserving of taking the place she couldn’t fill. She said she was happy you weren’t alone.”

“I’ll take care of you too,” Minghao murmured as he leaned his head down on Junhui’s shoulder, “always.”

He closed his eyes and listened to the wind whipping up again and the sound of tiny taps on the glass windows facing east. The air felt fresh and clear, like a cleansing, and he smiled as he snuggled closer to Junhui’s warmth. 

It was raining again.


End file.
